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JAMES: It's a chilly night. The freezing wind bites at every exposed part of my body. Most were huddled in a small cafe near the bus station. They seemed happy with their coffee and warmth, thankful for the unlimited refills. As I got near them, they got quiet. Puffs of smoke divided our worlds, each of us isolated in our thoughts. The cold kept me moving. As I moved further into the depths of downtown, and as I drew closer to the division, the number of bars multiplied, their neon lights almost endless. Many of the people who end up on the streets are alcoholics and there are plenty of places for them to find their old friends. The wanderers here have no place to be this night, alone and not as cheerful as the ones in the cafe. They were probably feeling the cold as I was, but I didn't live here. I could escape. This is all they had, feeling the cold's cruel caress, some shivering frightfully because they didn't even have the luxury of gloves as I did. Upon seeing me, they all would scatter, taking another street, moving to an alleyway. And when I passed, they often would watch me go by, curious, but unwilling to speak. They would turn away after I passed, often disappearing into alleys and doorways, wanting nothing more than to be forgotten.

A homeless man's stray cat followed him like a puppy, ever anxious for the other's warmth in the wicked wind. Together they were a picture of a certain happiness and joy that I could never comprehend. The two disappeared together through a door going someplace that only they shared, a shelter of shadows. Hurt, anger, or loneliness. I could step away ... and have my coffee and hot breakfast. But they couldn't. They were trapped there, outside the smoky glass.

We live in a world where lies keep us quiet. Lies comfort us and allow us to go about our lives without worry. Why worry when we know nothing of the truth? Every wish is granted and this manufactured reality protects us from the unknown. Don't meddle in things you don't understand. Be thankful for what you have. Don't let whispers of the outside world cloud your judgment.

It's a wasteland outside these walls. These walls protect us and keep us safe. Our leaders watch over us. Always observing. They know everything about us: our every need, our every desire, our fears, our thoughts. They know us better than we know ourselves.

Our affections bought and sold on the black market of politics. Duped and dumbfounded, we feed on the news, stuffed on nuggets of nothing. Empty calories of hopes crammed down our throats, and somehow, we believe it will be different this time. Maybe this time, this one is for real. We can believe in this one, this time. But our dreams are tricked and traded in some back alley deal. Our knight in shining armor rides off with his helmet full of gold, where he retires on the lakeside, ignoring the promises sinking in the quicksand before him. His carefree smile shines over our sadness. Everything is some planned pageant, paraded before us, allowing us to participate by casting our cares into the ballot box, where they are lost forever in the endless void of politics.

I struggle to feel in control of my life. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one not in control. Everyone else seems to have a say in what I do, how I act, where I go, who I see... why I exist... I'm the one who needs to decide why... why I continue to follow the herd... why can't I break away and go my own way?

One day, I'm going to say no. It's getting harder and harder to say yes to everyone. I'm pushed and pulled in so many directions that one day I'm going to break. I'll break into a million pieces and they'll cast me aside as useless. I'm tossed to the beasts as scraps where they strip away every last bit of usefulness. Then, and only then, after there is nothing left of my past, nothing more they can take from me... maybe I'll be able to be me again.

In weakness, we find strength. The walls must crumble before we advance. "All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle." We can't let the darkness find us as we seek out the light.

True strength comes from loss. The only reason I know a good life now, is from the pain of my past. I was ruined from within and stripped to my final shreds of life. But I was given a second chance to live again, to rise up and be reborn. Burned pure by the fire, I rise on the wings of my second soul.

Don't bother with fantasies of what was and what could be. That's not important anymore. What's important is that we have each other and we have everything we need to live. We don't need anything else.

"Where there is injury, let me heal.
Where there is hatred, let me bring love.
Where there is doubt, I will share my faith.
Where there is despair, I will offer hope.
Where there is darkness, I share the light.
Where there is sadness, I give joy.
To give comfort to those who need comfort.
To understand those who are not understood.
To love as much as I can love.
To give more than I receive.
To forgive more than I am forgiven.
And in dying we are born to eternal life."

Watching the world from above
Floating above the clouds
Billions of voices are merely whispers now
Everything is so small
Problems too far away to see
Spinning, spinning, lost in the clouds
The details of life, forgotten and turning away
Turning a blind eye to the worries of the world
Peaceful and silent in the nothingness of space
Floating calmly above the storm

END OF MONOLOGUE

From the book "James and the Giant Speech" by D. M. Larson
ISBN-13: 979-8413246771 Book
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