The following monologue is adapted from the play "Operation
Redneck" by D. M. Larson. Tina is a small town girl who is worried about
her friend, Julie, bringing her liberal boyfriend to their small conservative
Now wait a minute. You know how narrow minded people here can
Well... your Greenie boyfriend doesn't go to church. And Your Grandpa's a
minister. Your boyfriend thinks all hunters should be shot. Isn't your dad a
big game hunter?
And your boyfriend doesn't want to have any kids. He
thinks the Earth is way too overpopulated? Doesn't your Grandmother hold the
town record for giving birth to the most kids? They have a picture of her at
the maternity ward in town.
This is bad. The last liberal who came to town
nearly got themselves killed. Remember when your cousin Earl brought home that
girl from California? She had her armpit hair braided! She did! JJ said he saw
it. And she chained herself to the local Steak in the Rough BBQ and refused to
leave until they served salads. You know what happened to her? She got run over
by a garbage truck. Did so, ran right over her foot.
It's not safe for them
greenies here. You better tell your boyfriend not to come.
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D. M. Larson
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