"Alien Goo"

(The captain has been exploring an alien planet and is now speaking to the commander of their space expedition)

CAPTAIN

Think we can get those aliens to sign the Galaxy Confederation Charter?

Promise me you won't chop off one of their hands again.  That was so gross.

You got alien goo all over the WeePad.  It still doesn't work right.

(Reacts to another other space explorer who has brought in an alien.  Holds out a WeePad which looks similar to a tablet device such as an iPad)

CAPTAIN (CONT.)

Hello, good alien.  Please sit.

Care for some tea?

So, my friend.  What kind of tea do you like?  I can generate any number of flavors.
Nothing?

So savage.  I know none of this means anything to you but I simply need your handprint.  It says you agree to the GCC and your planet and all the resources here will belong to us.  In return, we give you this shiny new GCC badge!  Each one is uniquely engraved with an unduplicated number and a holographic image of our supreme leader.

It sparkles.

(Captain holds out badge)

CAPTAIN (CONT.)

Pretty.

(Captain hands badge over to alien and leans in the a smile.  Then reacts like he/she is hit in the eye by the alien with the badge)

CAPTAIN (CONT.)

My eye!  It hit me in the eye!

END OF MONOLOGUE

***

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