Romance on the Rocks

by D. M. Larson



A Dark Comedy for 3 Actors (1 male 2 female)




Buy a low cost PDF of "3 Short Comedy Scripts" at Etsy.com
ISBN-13: 978-1546726845






RHONDA

What is this? You ask me to meet you in the middle of nowhere… near a cliff. Should I be worried?

PHIL

It's our six month anniversary. I wanted to do something special.

RHONDA

God, has it been six months already? What's so romantic about a bunch of rocks?

PHIL

It's where we met.

RHONDA

It is?

PHIL

I was parked here enjoying the sunset. I love how the sun hits the water and sets the water on fire. You were lost and stopped here to ask me for directions. You seemed to like my car a lot.

RHONDA

Very expensive. I figured you were a guy with good taste.

PHIL

And you gave me your number. It took me forever to call.

RHONDA

No kidding. I should have taken that as a sign.

PHIL

You didn't remember me until I mentioned my car.

RHONDA

It's a memorable car.

PHIL

So I thought it would be fun to bring you back here… and enjoy the sunset together... But you're a little late. You missed it.


RHONDA

Whatever. You've seen one sunset you've see them all.

PHIL

I think everyone is unique and different - like snowflakes.

RHONDA

Can we go now ? I hope you planned something else because this is pretty lame and it’s getting dark.

PHIL

l - I got you a card - I meant to get you better one but my favorite bookstore is going out of business and they only had a few cards left.

(She opens it and checks for gift cards or a present but it's just a card. She reads it annoyed)

RHONDA

You put the choo in my choo choo?

PHIL

It made me laugh.

RHONDA

That makes one of us. So is this all you got me?

PHIL

I wanted to get a picture of us too. Remember how you wanted me to take a picture of you with my car? Well I wanted to do it again but with both of us together.


RHONDA

How are you going to do that? You were standing way over there.

PHIL

I brought a tripod.

RHONDA

Well where is it?

PHIL

Oh man. I think the wind blew it over the cliff.  There it is.  I think I can reach it.


RHONDA

Forget it. Let’s go.

PHIL

I can almost touch it

(She walks away and turns her back to him)

RHONDA

You know what. I'm not sure this is working out for us.

(PHIL falls - NOTE: staging for this can be difficult - Phil can fall off some fake rocks onto a mattress hidden upstage or he can fall over some fake rocks to the side of the stage so the audience can see him but the other actors do not)

PHIL

Ah!

RHONDA

No, don't say anything. I know you're upset but I need to get this off my chest.  I don't think we're right for each other. Sure you have money and a cool car but that's it. There's nothing more to you. And I just don't think I can be with someone so superficial anymore. I need a guy who thinks more about what I want. You're so caught up in sunsets and books and poetry. I need someone who is caught up in me. I should feel important. What I want should be important to you. So that's why I'm leaving you... Leaving you and that wonderful car of yours. And all that money...

(PHIL moans)

PHIL

Ahhh…

RHONDA

No please don't tempt me any longer with your materialism. I need to be free. Free to be with someone puts me first and gives me my heart's desire. Goodbye Phil.

(Silence... JULIANA enters)

JULIANA

Star light star bright, the first star I see tonight, I wish I may I wish I might get the wish I wish tonight. I love the stars here… above the ocean... away from the city lights - so bright so pure

(PHIL moans)

PHIL

Uhhhhh.

JULIANA
What was that? Who's there? I have a weapon! It's a really big stick.

PHIL
Can you use it to help me? I kind of fell off the cliff.

JULIANA

You better not be lying. I'm a kickboxer and I'm not afraid to bust out a can of whoopass.

PHIL

Please call someone. I need help

JULIANA

I don't have a phone. I hate technology. I believe in body, mind and spirit as the key to unlocking our inner happiness.

PHIL

I dropped my phone somewhere. You see it?

JULIANA

I found it. What's the password?

PHIL

Throw it to me. I'll call.

JULIANA

I'm helping you and you don't trust me with your password?

PHIL

Please.

JULIANA

Fine. Here.

(JULIANA throws the phone)


PHIL

No! Oh! Hey!

JULIANA

Did I miss?

PHIL  

If you were aiming for the ocean then you were right on target.

(JULIANA lowers her stick to him)

JULIANA

Grab my walking stick. I will pull you up.

PHILl

Are you strong enough?

(She pulls him up)

PHIL (CONT.)

Oh.


JULIANA

That strong enough for you?

PHIL

You work out or something?

JULIANA

All the time. My dream is to be an ultimate fighting champion.


PHIL

So your body mind and spirit all combined to becoming the next UFC champ. I'm getting getting visions of power rangers now. I think I hit my head.

JULIANA

You're bleeding.

PHIL

Oh man.


JULIANA

Blood. I can't handle.

(She passes out)

PHIL

You faint at the sight of blood! And you want to be a kickboxer?

(He tries to stand up)

PHIL (CONT.)

Oh my leg... I hurt my leg... my head... pounding... throbbing... I can't see very well… getting dizzy now...

(He passes out on JULIANA. RHONDA returns)

RHONDA

You know what Phil? Maybe I was a little hard on you... you...

(RHONDA sees PHIL on top JULIANA)

RHONDA (CONT.)

What's this?! You're with another woman? I'm gone like 5 seconds and you replaced me?
Don't play possum with me. I know you two are just pretending to be passed out… trying sleeping through this.

(RHONDA kicks PHIL)

RHONDA (CONT.)
How you like that! Huh Phil?  

(She gets worried all the sudden and gasps)

Phil? Is that blood?  Oh no - what am I going to do? I can't have anyone find me with another dead body. What should I do? I'll put them in his car and let it roll off the cliff... that will work... make it look like an accident. No one has to know.

(RHONDA tries to pick up JULIANA)

RHONDA (CONT.)
Wow this girl is heavy.

(JULIANA wakes up and RHONDA tries to pretend like nothing is wrong)

RHONDA (CONT.)

Oh, hi.  How are you?

JULIANA

What's going on?

RHONDA

I rescued you.

JULIANA

You did?

RHONDA

That man was attacking you.

JULIANA

He was?

RHONDA

Yes, he's bad news.

JULIANA

What do we do with him?

RHONDA

Put him in the car and push it off the cliff.

JULIANA

What? No, I can't do that.

RHONDA

Please.

JULIANA

No!

RHONDA

Pretty please.


JULIANA

Are you nuts? We have to get him to a hospital.

RHONDA

You mean he's not dead?

JULIANA

Not yet.

RHONDA

Soon maybe?

JULIANA

You going to help?

RHONDA

I'd rather not… tah-tah.

(RHONDA leaves)

PHIL

Rhonda?  Rhonda? Is that you?

JULIANA

Hey, are you Rhonda?

RHONDA (OFF)

No!

(PHIL sits up)

PHIL  

I am so sorry I disappointed you.

JULIANA

You should probably lie back down.

PHIL

No, Rhonda. I have to tell you this. It's important.


JULIANA

You should really wait... Let's get you to your car.

PHIL

Rhonda I never told you this but there's a reason I never gave up on you, there's a reason I kept trying to make this relationship work.

JULIANA

Up you go... over to the car.

PHIL  

I always felt like even though you were self centered and egotistical that if I could help you change.

JULIANA

So that was Rhonda.

PHIL

I always wanted to help people. I was given everything I needed to be happy and so I wanted to help others with what I have. I thought I could help you. I wanted to make you a better person.

JULIANA

Your heart is in the right place but it's not really fair to force her to change. It's better to find someone who is right for you just the way they are. Forcing people to change to suit you is bad too. If you have to change them then they aren't a good match.

PHIL

But I don't want to be alone forever.

JULIANA

You seem like your heart is on the right place... some day you'll find a woman who will appreciate that kind heart of yours.

PHIL

So it's over, Rhonda?

JULIANA

It's over.

PHIL

Oh good because you're a real pain in the ass.

JULIANA

Well said.

(JULIANA helps PHIL walk to his car)

END



For permission to use this play, please contact doug@freedrama.net (include the title "Romance on the Rocks" in your request).

Buy a low cost PDF of "3 Short Comedy Scripts" at Etsy.com






       
       Loading...    
       















MORE FREE PLAYS FROM FREEDRAMA.NET!

POPULAR Free Stage Play Scripts

Free MONOLOGUES for 1 Actor

Free Monologues for one TEEN Actor 

Free One Act and Full Length Plays for TEEN Actors

Free SHORT Stage Play Scripts and SKITS

Short Monologues

Free FUNNY Short Stage Play Scripts and COMEDY Skits

Funny Comedy Monologues 

Free DUOLOGUES for 2 Actors

Free ONE ACT Plays

Free One Act and Full Length Plays for CHILDREN

Free Monologues for KIDS

Short Plays for CHILDREN

Full Length Plays

SMALL Cast Plays for THREE ActorsFOUR ActorsFIVE ActorsSIX Actors

Small cast plays for CHILDREN

Free Online ACTING School and Tips for New Actors

IMPROV Theatre Games

MadScripts Fill in the Blank Classroom GAMES

Classroom Ideas for TEACHERS































       
       Loading...