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I saw it! A ghost! Upstairs! I did. It was floating around all spooky like. I think it touched me. I got all cold and shivery. I wanted to scream but when I opened my mouth all I could manage was a little squeak. I was frozen with fear. I thought it was gonna eat my brains or something. Oh, wait. That's zombies, ain't it? Well, it was gonna do whatever ghosts do to me. I could feel it doing something... something real creepy like. You wanna go see it? Or are you too scared? You ain't as brave as me.

(Looks down)

Hey! No, I did not! I spilled a drink on myself, okay? I am not a liar! You go up there and see for yourself. Up there is an honest to goodness, real scary, ghost. I may have lived to tell about it. Will you?!

END OF MONOLOGUE
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Please purchase a copy of the play "Losers in Love" by D. M. Larson from Amazon.com ISBN: 9781549653186 if you will be using the monologue in a competition or performance where admission is charged.

Or buy a low cost PDF of "Losers in Love" on Sellfy.com

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"THE PAPARAZZI FART" by D. M. Larson

from the play "Losers in Love" ISBN: 9781549653186
Copyright (c) 2017 All Rights Reserved

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Have you ever farted in front of a fan? I call it a paparazzi, because farting in front of a fan is like some terrible stalker that follows you and you can't escape.

The worst one I've ever done was my first. I had the ultimate silent but deadly gas bomb seep from me. I happened to be standing in front of a fan at the time. The results were glorious.

This ultimate gas passing experience was a mix of nerves and a bean burrito, one of those frozen burritos that are made from the cheapest mystery beans ever grown. I wanted to talk to my teacher about something personal and there was only a short time before the whole class would get back from gym. I snuck out early so I could talk to the teacher alone. It was a hot day in May and the teacher had a big fan pointed at the classroom to keep things cool. As I approached, I felt my stomach churn and deposit something painful into my bowels. I bent forward a bit and my teacher looked concerned. I started talking to hide the noise of the gas escaping out of me. At first I was thankful it was silent, but then I realized I was standing in front of the fan and the whole class walked in. The deadliest bottom sewage smell I ever produced oozed from me and filled the air. Students screamed and gasped. Chaos swarmed the room. I looked at the teacher who couldn't tell what was going on since he was on the other side of the fan. The class struggled into their desks with their noses pinched and mouths moaning.

I don't even remember what I wanted to talk to my teacher about, but I sure remember that fart. It was glorious.

END OF MONOLOGUE
***
Please purchase a copy of the play "Losers in Love" by D. M. Larson from Amazon.com ISBN: 9781549653186 if you will be using the monologue in a competition or performance where admission is charged.

Or buy a low cost PDF of "Losers in Love" on Sellfy.com

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MALE COMEDY or FEMALE COMEDY

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ACTING TIPS FOR HUMOROUS MONOLOGUES

New actors often ask how they can have more expression in their voices and avoid being monotone. The key is any good monologue performance is to show a variety of emotions.

When you go through a script, think of different emotions the character might be feeling.

Look at the monologue Protecto (Kid Hero). At first he is frustrated. Then he starts to get excited at "I love being a hero." Next he shows anger about a bully at school... "There's this kid at school..." Then he is playful when he talks about school lunch. Excitement builds again when talks about getting a catchphrase. But then at the end he is confused and having second thoughts. You'd want to reflect that in your voice and acting. Show each of those emotions for each part.

Next, look at each sentence. Pick out a word or two in each sentence that you'd want to put the most emphasis on. In the line "I've always dreamed of being a hero." You might pick "dreamed" or "hero" or both. Say these key words with more strength... say them a little more clearly or forcefully.

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"The Sunday Gamble" - Comedy Monologue - Male From "Death of an Insurance Salesman" ISBN-13: 978-1518665547

"Blessing in Disguise" - Comedy monologue from the scene "Blinded by the Knight" - Female (1-2 minutes) - from "Between Good and Evil" ISBN-13: 978-1502982308

"Growing Up is Hard to Do" - Short Comedic Monologue for Male from the play "Between Good and Evil" - ISBN-13: 978-1502982308

"Down the Drain" Comedy Monologue for Male by D. M. Larson From the play "A Little Private Education" ISBN-13: 978-1532853111

"It's Just Right" Comedy Monologue for Male by D. M. Larson From the play "A Little Private Education" ISBN-13: 978-1532853111

"Simple, True, Honest Love" monologue for female from a published play adapted from the scene "Princess from Another Planet" that is in the published play "Between Good and Evil" ISBN-13: 978-1502982308

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