Superhero Support Group
A short script for seven actors by D. M. Larson from Freedrama.net
*The play is free to use in the classroom or workshop. To perform the play, you must request permission from email@example.com (please include the title in your request).
A group of people dressed as superheroes sit in a row of a
I wasn't barking.
I was thinking how rough of a day I've had.
That's why you're here.
But I have things to do... crime to fight. I can't wait
around here all day.
You don't have a choice.
I can't take it anymore! I have to get out of here.
You can't stop me. I'm Smack the Superstrong! I will smite you!
Smack swings at Doctor but she backs away and then grabs his
ear and twists. Smack falls to the floor in pain.
There will be no smiting, nor biting.
Everyone please wait your turn and no more disturbances.
Doctor lets go of Smack. There is a ding and Doctor
How did she stop you?
I don't know.
Mind powers. She's got mind powers more powerful than
you can imagine.
Shade comes from behind the chairs.
Our powers are useless around her.
Where'd you come from?
I am Shade. I came from the shadows.
More like from behind the chairs. How long have you
been back there?
Long enough to know what's going on here.
What is going on?
The doctor is removing our powers.
Not only can she stop us. She can take away our
Nice dramatic pause.
This is terrible. I'd be nothing without my super
strength! I can't go back to being some loser working at D-Mart.
Personally I'm tired of all the hairballs. She can have
I do get tired of smelling everything.
DOGBOY sniffs around and looks at Shade and makes a face.
You smell like you've been hiding there a LONG time.
We have to escape.
Or smite the doc!
Shhh! She's coming!
Shade hides behind the chairs. The others sit in their
chairs. The Doctor enters with another superhero.
You'll never have to worry about flying again.
I guess it's time to hang up my cape.
Stay off the rooftops. Or we'll have to have another session.
I'm done. Please. I promise.
Very well. No need to schedule a followup then.
Please. Never again.
Catchick stands. Dogboy grabs her arm but she hisses
and pulls away.
Look. I want to be able to go the beach again. I
want to go swimming again. I am tired of all those naps. Please
doctor. Take me next.
Walk this way.
Catchick follows Doctor off. Caper starts to go but
Smack grabs him. Shade comes out.
The doctor took your powers!
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"GUARDIANS OF THE WALLET" by D. M. Larson
An ambulance is coming for you now. And the policy will cover that ride so you're in luck.
(Ralph waves good-bye and watches person go)
He's lucky. Most people wait until it's too late. Last minute is always better than never. Sometimes I think I should set up my office in the lobby of the hospital emergency room. I could probably sign up half the room as they are waiting... what else are they going to do while they wait for help? Come on. What's the number one thing on their minds? They worry about how they'll pay for the hospital. That's where I come in. I kind of see myself as a hero... swooping in to save the day... can't pay your medical bill? Let me do it for you. I know no one sees an insurance salesman as a hero but we really are. You know how much that heart attack would have cost him without me? You know how much a car accident would cost without insurance? We're not the bad guys... we're your knight in shining armor, protecting you from going bankrupt. We are the guardians of the wallet. Don't let them suck you dry. Insurance will protect you... save you... rescue you... and that's what I wanted to always do with my life. Be a hero.
END OF MONOLOGUE
**** “The Cynical Professor” a monologue by D. M. Larson
Okay class. I know you hate classes that are required for your degree so I am going to try and make this as painless as possible.
Because you're taking a lot of loans, using a lot of credit and building up some serious debt to be here, I don't want this class to be any more difficult than it needs to be. I mean you are going to be paying off these loans for the next 20 or 30 years. It's like you're taking out a mortgage and buying a house. And who can afford a house mortgage anymore when you have all these loans, credit and debts piling up just so you can get a degree in Egyptology or Greek mythology?
That brings me to lesson number one in your Freshman Orientation class. You want to make all your loans worthwhile? You want to be able to pay off your credit card debt when you graduate? Then become a lawyer.
Come on... What's with the moans and growns? Being an attorney can be great. Are you a tree hugger and love the Earth? Be an environmental lawyer. Are you into women's rights? There's a attorney for that. Want to help people who are defaulting on their mortgage and losing their homes or being crushed by credit card debt? There are lawyers for that too. Lawyers make a difference. Lawyers change things. Call an attorney if you want to get things done.
Law not for you? You could play the stock market and do some day trading. Or you could be a software designer. Maybe be an engineer and figure out new ways to get us the limitless electricity that we demand or come up with alternate fuels so we no longer need gas in our cars. You can still help the world without picking a degree that will drown you in debt that you can never pay back.
If you want to study a dead language or some mythological beast, go hang out in the library or watch the History Channel, but don't run up thousands of dollars in loans to study something that won't pay the bills. A Egyptologist is not going to change the world, but an attorney just might have the power to right some wrong.
Gandhi was a lawyer. So was Abraham Lincoln. And Nelson Mandela. These are great people that left their mark on history and transformed nations. I'm not telling you to transfer out of your history classes. History has wonderful lessons for us. I'm telling you not to major in it. Learn from history but then USE what you learned. Go out there and change things. And who better to change things than someone who understands how the system works than a lawyer.
Those of you that agree with me will go declare their majors - pre-law, engineering or economics. Those of you that don't, head on over to the library and write me a 10,000 word report on why your major is so awesome and a plan how you are going to pay off all that debt.
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