The Gooseville HOA
Musical with short lines for younger actors
By D. M. Larson
CAST OF CHARACTERS (22+)
GRANNY: The long time resident of Gooseville and grandmother to RED and BLUE
RED: Red riding hood loves running errands
BLUE: Little Boy Blue helps with the sheep but prefers to sleep
BIG PIG: The oldest pig
MID PIG: The middle pig
WEE PIG: The littlest pig
SHEPHERD: The boy who cried wolf who takes care of the SHEEP
SHEEP: They just say “baa” and there can be a few or a lot of them
MUFFIT: Little Miss Muffit who loves to eat curds and whey
JACK: A clumsy young man who lives in Gooseville with his sister JILL
JILL: Sister of JACK who also lives in Gooseville
WINKY: Wee Willy Winky likes to make sure everyone goes to bed on time and he gets into everyone’s business
FOX: Someone new in Gooseville who would like to make it his new home
WOLF: Friend of FOX who enjoys making trouble
SPIDER: Friend of FOX who loves curds and whey
MARY: Friend of FOX who likes SHEEP
HUMPTY: Humpty Dumpty Private Egg likes to solve mysteries
KING’S MAN: Helps out when someone is hurt
KING’S HORSE: Helps the KING’S MAN
CAT: Plays a fiddle
COW: Loves to jump
DOG: Likes telling jokes
SCENE
(Lights come up on Gooseville. The citizens of Gooseville are going about their daily routines. They are singing the song below)
SONG: GOOD MORNING, GRANNY! https://freedrama.net/Gooseville-Good-Morning-Granny.mp3
[Verse]
RED: Good morning, Granny!
GRANNY: Good morning, Red!
ALL:
How's the path where the wildflowers tread?
The sun is peeking the day’s well-fed
[Chorus]
SHEEP: Ba ba ba ba!
ALL: How are you today? The wind's got stories and it’s coming your way.
SHEEP: Ba ba ba ba.
ALL: Let’s laugh and play. How are you today?
[Verse 2]
JILL: Hello Brother Jack!
JACK: Hello Sister Jill!
ALL: Chasing water or climbing a hill? Are the buckets heavy or the laughter still?
[Prechorus]
ALL: The clouds are rolling; the sky’s so wide. Tell me your tales don’t let them hide.
[Chorus]
SHEEP: Ba ba ba ba
ALL: How are you today? The breeze is singing and it’s here to stay.
SHEEP: Ba ba ba ba
ALL: Let’s laugh and play. How are you today?
[Bridge]
ALL: Miss Muffet’s grinning with her curds and whey.
Willy Winky’s dreaming but he’ll join the fray.
Every voice together let the joy convey.
(FOX and WOLF enter)
FOX: This place is good…
WOLF: But…
FOX: It could be better.
WOLF: How?
FOX: You’ll see.
WOLF: You have a plan?
FOX: Yes.
WOLF: Of course you do.
FOX: I always have a plan.
WOLF: And what’s my job?
(FOX pulls out a costume bag/box for WOLF marked ACME)
FOX: Here’s your costume.
WOLF: What am I this time?
FOX: You’ll see.
(WOLF exits with costume)
(Little Boy Blue and Little Red go up to Fox)
BLUE: Hey Fox, you new?
FOX: I’ve been around.
BLUE: Do you eat sheep?
FOX: No! Never!
BLUE: Just checking. That’s my job.
RED: He watches out for danger
FOX: You keep the community safe.
BLUE: That’s right. It’s hard work too.
RED: Is it?
BLUE: Yes, I need a nap.
(BLUE yawns and exits).
FOX: Keep up the good work.
RED: My what a big nose you have
FOX: That’s a little rude
RED: You calling me little?
FOX: No, just rude.
RED: That makes two of us.
(RED exits)
FOX: strange folks here
(SHEPHERD boy enters with SHEEP. Sees FOX)
SHEPHERD: Wolf!
(GRANNY rushes in with a broom, PIGS with hammers and saws, WINKY with pillow, JACK and JILL with buckets and ladles)
FOX: No, no, no! I’m a Fox.
(JACK trips and falls into JILL)
JILL; Ow! Watch it, Jack!
JACK: Sorry Jill.
GRANNY: Another false alarm.
BIG PIG: Let’s go.
(Everyone starts to leave)
FOX: Wait!
WINKY: What do you want, Fox?
FOX: I’m here to make you a special offer.
MID Pig: What kind of offer?
WEE Pig: An offer we can’t refuse?
FOX: I can make your community better.
MID PIG: But we like our town.
FOX: Yes, it’s a nice town.
JILL: It's the best.
JACK: Except for all those tripping hazards.
FOX: Exactly.
SHEPHERD: And all those wolves.
FOX: They’re everywhere.
WINKY: And kids are all staying up past their bedtime.
FOX: I can make all those things better.
GRANNY: How?
FOX: With an HOA.
BIG PIG: What’s that?
FOX: I’m glad you asked.
FOX: An HOA will improve your day. It will take all your cares away. It solves every problem that you see. It’s easy with a little help from me.
JACK: Will it keep me from falling?
FOX: That’s an HOA’s true calling.
SHEPHERD: Will it protect all my sheep?
FOX: It will watch over them as you sleep
WILLY: Will it make the children stay in bed?
FOX: It will help them rest their heads.
(FOX sings SONG: AN HOA WILL LIGHT YOUR WAY: https://freedrama.net/Gooseville-an-HOA-will-light-your-way.mp3)
[Verse]
An H-O-A will light your way
It will keep all your troubles at bay
Got a fence that’s leaning
Paint that’s peeling
It’s the cure for all your homeowner feelings
[Prechorus]
Need a rule or two
Or maybe ten?
That’s where the magic begins again
[Chorus]
Oh an H-O-A will improve your day
It will take all your cares away
Rules and regs for every street
Making neighborhoods so sweet
(WINKY applauds)
WINKY: I’m all for law and order.
FOX: Rules and regulations
JACK: Safety!
MUFFIT: Pest control.
RED: What’s HOA stand for?
BIG PIG: Hand over any freedom.
FOX: Home owner’s association.
JILL: How do we start one?
FOX: I’m glad you asked.
(FOX pulls out rolled up document that rolls out across the floor and reveals that it is quite long)
FOX: Just vote yes and sign here.
(WOLF enters dressed as a sheep. SHEEP follow with BLUE trailing behind)
WOLF: I’ll sign.
GRANNY: Can sheep vote?
(SHEEP annoyed)
SHEEP: Baaa!
SHEPHERD: I don’t see why not.
BLUE: This village is here because of them.
JILL: Let the sheep vote.
WOLF: I will vote yes.
SHEEP: Baa!
(SHEEP nod and vote yes too. They copy everything the WOLF does. They all sign the document including BLUE)
JACK: A yes vote for safety.
JILL: Yes!
(JACK and JILL sign the document)
WINKY: A yes vote for bedtimes.
MUFFIT: A yes vote for no bugs.
SHEPHERD: A yes vote for no wolves.
WOLF: Hey!
(FOX hits WOLF)
WOLF: I mean hurray!
SHEEP: Baa!
(WINKY, MUFFIT, and SHEPHERD sign)
(FOX turns to GRANNY, RED and PIGS)
FOX: How about all of you?
BIG PIG: We don’t like building codes.
WEE PIG: I like houses of straw.
MID PIG: I like stick built homes.
FOX: But building rules keep us safe.
BIG PIG: Never trust a predator.
MID PIG: Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin.
WEE PIG: This little piggy went wee wee wee all the way home.
(PIGS exit)
FOX: What about you, Granny? And Red?
GRANNY: I’ve been around a long time.
RED: A really long time.
(GRANNY gives RED an annoyed look, but RED just smiles)
GRANNY: And I’ve seen the trouble HOA’s make.
RED: Big trouble.
GRANNY: So, no thank you.
RED: I always listen to Grandma, so, no thank you too.
GRANNY: Thank you, Red. Can you fetch me my lunch?
RED: Of course. I’ll be back in a flash.
(GRANNY and RED leave)
FOX: But the rest of you signed.
WOLF: Yeah!
FOX: And that’s enough votes to make an HOA!
ALL: Hurray!
FOX: And that makes me your HOA president.
JILL: It does?
FOX: It says so on page 12 paragraph 6.
MUFFIT: Maybe we should have read it before signing.
FOX: And I select this sheep to be my sergeant at arms.
(FOX grabs WOLF)
WINKY: What’s a sergeant at arms?
FOX: They enforce the rules.
WOLF: I’m like the police.
(WOLF howls. Everyone is scared)
SHEPHERD: What was that?
WOLF: My siren.
(WOLF howls louder and his sheep costume falls off)
BLUE: It’s a wolf.
SHEEP: Baa!
(SHEEP scatter and run away)
SHEPHERD: Catch those sheep!
BLUE: Come back!
(BLUE and SHEPHERD run after SHEEP)
JACK: What’s going on here?
JILL: Why is there a wolf?
FOX: That’s the best way to stop a wolf.
WOLF: With another wolf.
FOX: They know all the tricks.
WOLF: And how to stop there
WINKY: I guess that makes sense.
FOX: You’ll see. This will be the safest village ever.
MUFFIT: I sure hope so.
(MUFFIT leaves with WINKY, JACK and JILL. JACK trips but FOX and WOLF catch him)
JACK: Thanks!
FOX: See. It’s already safer with us here.
(FOX and WOLF remain alone)
WOLF: You did it!
FOX: My plan worked perfectly.
WOLF: Now about those pigs…
FOX: I can get rid of them easily.
WOLF: How?
FOX: I can kick them out over building codes.
WOLF: Really?
FOX: Straw and stick houses violate the HOA rules.
WOLF: Nice.
FOX: Now for Granny and Red Riding Hood.
WOLF: Leave them all to me.
FOX: We’ll make them wish they’d joined the HOA.
(WOLF laughs and exits. SPIDER enters)
SPIDER: So, did you do it? Did you find us a new home?
FOX: Well…
SPIDER: Oh, no. What happened?
FOX: I promised Little Miss Muffit pest control.
SPIDER: I’m not a pest!
FOX: But she is afraid of spiders.
SPIDER: What about the wolf?
FOX: I will do my best to find a home for you.
SPIDER: I want to live here.
FOX: Maybe I can find you a costume.
SPIDER: Good. I can be an octopus or something.
FOX: On land?
SPIDER: Or a tree.
(Acts like a tree)
FOX: Maybe.
SPIDER: Is that curds and whey I smell?
FOX: Yes, I think so.
SPIDER: That smells so good.
FOX: I’ll see if I can get you some.
SPIDER: Thank you. I’m so hungry.
(FOX and SPIDER exit. RED appears. She has been hiding)
RED: Something strange is going on here.
(WOLF enters dressed as Granny)
WOLF: You have my lunch?
RED: Right here, Granny.
(RED opens basket for WOLF)
WOLF: Looks yummy.
(RED closes basket and looks suspiciously at WOLF)
RED: Hold up. Wait a minute.
WOLF: What’s the matter, dear?
RED: Something’s not right.
WOLF: Whatever do you mean?
RED: You sound weird.
WOLF: It’s because I’m so hungry and thirsty.
RED: What bad breath you have. You need a mint.
WOLF: It’s caused by my empty stomach.
(RED walks around the WOLF)
RED: And all that hair. And a tail!
WOLF: Give me that basket or I’ll eat you!
RED: Eeek! It’s the wolf! Wolf! Wolf!
(RED runs. WOLF chases. BLUE and SHEPHERD come in and chase WOLF who is chasing RED)
SHEPHERD: Stop!
BLUE: Wolf!
(BLUE blows his horn. PIGS run in with various building tools as weapons. GRANNY runs in. Everyone runs around during SONG: CATCH THE WOLF: https://freedrama.net/Gooseville-Catch-the-Wolf.mp3)
[Verse]
It’s the wolf the wolf in the night
Eyes like fire teeth so white
He’s sneaking through the chicken coop
Jumping fences loop-de-loop
[Chorus]
Wolf wolf run away
Get the wolf let’s save the day
He’s fast he’s sly he’s on the prowl
Catch the wolf don’t throw in the towel
[Verse 2]
In the forest through the fog
There he goes with your hotdog
Tracks in mud paws so big
We’ll trap him with a giant wig
[Prechorus]
The wolf is laughing it’s no joke
Grab the net or grab a cloak
[Chorus]
Wolf wolf run away
Get the wolf let’s save the day
He’s fast he’s sly he’s on the prowl
Catch the wolf don’t throw in the towel
[Bridge]
Climbing trees to get away
This wolf’s smarter every day
But we’ve got tricks up our sleeve
You won’t believe you won’t believe
(WOLF sneaks away in the chaos. They catch GRANNY)
SHEPHERD: We got the wolf!
GRANNY: No you didn’t!
RED: Granny?
GRANNY: What’s going on here?
BIG PIG: We thought you were a wolf.
MID PIG: Or dressed like one.
GRANNY: I’m not dressed like a wolf.
RED: No, he was dressed like you.
GRANNY: I’m a victim of identity theft.
WEE PIG: Let’s find that wolf.
BIG PIG: You go to the market.
MID PIG: You stay home.
WEE PIG: Fine. Then I’ll eat all the roast beef.
BIG PIG: You get none!
(WEE PIG cries)
WEE PIG: Wee wee wee.
(PIGS exit)
RED: Things have been weird since that fox got here.
GRANNY: I told you that fox was trouble.
(PIGS drag in FOX)
BIG PIG: We caught the wolf!
SHEPHERD: That’s the fox.
FOX: I’m no wolf.
RED: I’m not so sure about that.
GRANNY: You’ve been trouble.
RED: First a wolf appears and then a spider.
FOX: Spider? What spider?
(MUFFIT runs across the stage with SPIDER chasing her carrying a bowl)
MUFFIT: Spider! Big Spider!
SPIDER: Please! Give me more cruds and whey!
MUFFIT: No!
SPIDER: But it’s so good.
(MUFFIT exits followed by SPIDER)
GRANNY: What’s going on, Fox?
FOX: You have a nice town here.
RED: Yes, we do.
FOX: I just want to make it better.
GRANNY: Well, you’re not doing that.
BIG PIG: Let’s lock him up.
WEE PIG: You can use my house.
BIG PIG: A house of straw. He’ll just huff and blow it down.
MID PIG: What about my house?
BIG PIG: No, we need brick.
(PIGS go and drag in a brick jail cell)
FOX: That’s really not necessary.
RED: Now we just need to catch that wolf and spider.
(SHEPHERD and BLUE enter with WOLF)
SHEPHERD: We caught the wolf.
(WOLF is tossed in jail with FOX)
RED: How will we catch the spider?
GRANNY: With a bowl of curds and whey.
RED: I’m on it.
(RED exits)
GRANNY: Blue. I want you to stand guard.
BLUE: Yes, Granny.
FOX: This totally violates our HOA agreement.
GRANNY: Where does it say we can’t lock you up?
(FOX pulls out paper)
FOX: Section 10 Paragraph 8…
(GRANNY grabs it and rips it up)
GRANNY: Doesn’t say it anymore.
FOX: Hey!
BIG PIG: What are we going to do with them?
MID PIG: Build a fire?
WEE PIG: Burn their bottoms?
BIG PIG: We’ll think of something good like that.
(RED enters with bowl of food)
RED: I have some fresh cruds and whey.
(SPIDER enter)
SPIDER: That smells delicious.
RED: Come and get it.
(RED gives it to FOX and SPIDER immediately goes into jail)
GRANNY: Nice one, Red.
RED: Thanks, Granny.
SPIDER: Mmm. That’s good.
(SPIDER eats)
WOLF: Was that worth going to jail?
SPIDER: Yes.
(BLUE yawns)
RED: You sure you’re up for guard duty tonight?
BLUE: Of course.
GRANNY: Let’s all get some rest.
BIG PIG: We can sort this out tomorrow.
FOX: Not even a fair trial?
(They ignore FOX and exit. BLUE lies down and falls asleep.
[NOTE: Place for possible intermission and new scene]
(Lighting changes to signify night)
WOLF: So, how are we getting out of here?
FOX: I have a plan.
WOLF: Of course you do.
(WINKY enters)
WINKY: Are you all in your beds? It’s 8 o’clock.
FOX: We’re going to sleep right now, sir.
(WINKY looks at BLUE)
WINKY: Are you on guard duty?
(BLUE snores. WINKY shrugs and exits)
SPIDER: So what’s your plan?
FOX: We will get some help from our friends.
WOLF: What friends?
FOX: The cat.
SPIDER: The one who plays the fiddle?
FOX: Yes. And Bossy.
WOLF: The jumping cow?
FOX: Exactly. And Rover.
SPIDER: That dog tells the best jokes.
FOX: They’ll distract everyone with a show.
WOLF: Then what will we do?
FOX: We will use this dish and spoon to break out of the cell.
SPIDER: Brilliant!
(SONG: MOONLIT GETAWAY: https://freedrama.net/Gooseville-Moonlit-Getaway.mp3)
[Verse]
WOLF: What's the deal?
SPIDER: What's the play?
FOX:
We need the lights we need the sway
The cat's on strings with magic hands
The cow's revving up for moonlit lands
[Prechorus]
And Rover's juggling with his paws
He's cracking jokes
Defying laws
WOLF, SPIDER AND FOX:
[Chorus]
It's a breakout
A jailbreak
A wild
Crazy scene
With a dish and a spoon
We're living the dream
Distract 'em with rhythm
A wink and a bow
We're skipping this town while they're laughing somehow
[Verse 2]
Who's got the plan? Who's got the keys?
We'll improvise with tricks and tease
The fiddle hums a daring tune
And the cow's jet-packed to the moon
[Prechorus]
Rover's got his hat and cane
He's the showstopper of this train
[Chorus]
It's a breakout
A jailbreak
A wild
Crazy scene
With a dish and a spoon
We're living the dream
Distract 'em with rhythm
A wink and a bow
We're skipping this town while they're laughing somehow
(WOLF scratches his head confused)
WOLF: Why not break out with the dish and spoon now?
FOX: What?
WOLF: No one is looking. They’re all asleep.
FOX: But I was going to have Bossy jump over the moon!
WOLF: Let’s go.
FOX: Fine. Whatever.
(FOX uses bowl and spoon from curds and whey to open door. They sneak away. SHEPHERD boy enters and sees them go)
SHEPHERD: Wolf! Wolf! Wolf!
(Everyone comes running in nightgowns, sleeping caps, curlers, etc.)
RED: What’s going on?
SHEPHERD: They got away.
GRANNY: Where’s Blue?
WINKY: Sleeping.
(RED kicks BLUE)
RED: Wake up, Blue!
(BLUE snores)
WEE PIG: What do we do?
PIG PIG: Hunt them down?
MID PIG: Start a fire!
WEE PIG: Burn their bottoms!
GRANNY: Just let them go.
RED: Really?
GRANNY: And hope they never come back.
WINKY: Back to bed everyone.
WEE PIG: But I don’t want to.
WINKY: It’s past 8 o’clock.
GRANNY: Goodnight everyone.
WINKY: Sweet dreams.
(Everyone exits. Moon and stars move quickly across the sky. Dawn comes and lighting changes as the sun comes up. BLUE wakes up, yawns and exits. SHEEP all wander on stage. FOX sneaks in with WOLF)
WOLF: What are we doing back here?
FOX: Revenge.
WOLF: What are you going to do now?
FOX: Steal all their sheep.
WOLF: I like this plan.
FOX: There’s one thing sheep can’t resist.
WOLF: What’s that?
FOX: Mary. Sheep can’t resist her.
(MARY enters and SHEEP stop and look at her)
MARY: Hi sheep.
SHEEP: Baaa!
MARY: Let’s go play! Follow me!
SHEEP: Baaa!
(MARY leads sheep away and off stage)
WOLF: So simple.
FOX: Yet brilliant.
WOLF: Let’s go.
(FOX and WOLF exit. SHEPHERD enters)
SHEPHERD: Oh no! Where are my sheep? Wolf! Wolf!
(GRANNY, RED, 3 PIGS, WINKY, MUFFIT and JILL rush in. JACK runs in after and crashes into everyone)
RED: What happens?
SHEPHERD: My sheep are missing.
GRANNY: Why did you shout wolf?
SHEPHERD: I can smell him.
JILL: There is a weird odor.
RED: We need help.
JACK: Who can we call?
GRANNY: How about Humpty Dumpty?
WINKY: The hard boiled detective?
RED: I’ll get him.
(RED runs off)
SHEPHERD: My poor sheep.
GRANNY: We’ll try to save them.
JACK: I better get my crown if Humpty Dumpty is coming.
WEE PIG: Your crown?
JILL: We’re related to the king.
JACK: We’re practically royalty.
(JACK crashes into RED who is entering as JACK leaves)
MID PIG: How come you live here?
BIG PIG: And not in the castle?
JILL: It’s a really interesting story actually…
RED: There’s no time for that. Humpty Dumpty is here.
(JILL leaves annoyed. HUMPTY enters. Everyone cheers. SONG: HUMPTY DUMPTY PRIVATE EGG: https://freedrama.net/Gooseville-Humpty-Dumpty-Private-Egg.mp3)
[Verse]
Humpty Dumpty on the wall
I take the call
Private egg
On the case
I'm cracking it all
A mystery
A shady scene
They’re hatching schemes
But I’m the yolk they never saw in their wildest dreams
[Chorus]
Egg-cellent
I’m the one they fear
Need to crack a case? I’m egg-xactly here
Bad guys scramble when they see my face
Egg-citement’s boiling
I’m cracking this case
[Verse 2]
A clue in the coop
It’s deviled egg time
They were plotting
Scheming
Committing the crime
Shells were broken
Secrets spilled on the floor
But Humpty’s got the edge
Always ready for more
[Prechorus]
Come out of your shells
Tell me what you know
The truth will stick
It’s time to let it show
[Chorus]
Egg-cellent
I’m the one they fear
Need to crack a case? I’m egg-xactly here
Bad guys scramble when they see my face
Egg-citement’s boiling
I’m cracking this case
[Bridge]
I’ll poach the truth
I’ll fry the lies
These shady deals
They won’t survive
The deviled eggs thought they’d win the game
But I’m Humpty Dumpty
Remember the name
(ALL cheer and applaud)
HUMPTY: Thank you, yolks. I’m egg-cited to be here.
WINKY: Welcome to the royal detective, solver of mysteries.
HUMPTY: I hear there’s a case that needs to be cracked.
SHEPHERD: Someone took my sheep.
BIG PIG: It was probably that big bad wolf.
MID PIG: The one we locked up with the fox.
WEE PIG: But they went wee wee wee, all the way home.
HUMPTY: How did they scramble out of here?
GRANNY: We’re not sure.
RED: Blue was supposed to be watching them.
HUMPTY: Where is Blue?
WINKY: Probably sleeping somewhere.
RED: I’ll get him.
(RED exits)
HUMPTY: I can see you’re all boiling mad about this.
SHEPHERD: I’m steamed!
HUMPTY: But I will get to the yolk of the matter.
MUFFIT: Oh, thank you, detective.
(RED enters with BLUE)
HUMPTY: Speak of the deviled eggs.
RED: Here’s Blue.
BLUE: I didn’t see nothing. I don’t know anything.
WINKY: Because you slept through it all.
HUMPTY: Now Blue. You’re the key to cracking this case.
BLUE: I am?
HUMPTY: You were the last one to see the criminals.
BLUE: Yes.
HUMPTY: Did you hear them say anything when they were hatching a plan?
BLUE: Well… I was kind of sleeping.
HUMPTY: You might have heard something. Think.
BLUE: Seems like they might have said something…
HUMPTY: Egg-cellent. Please tell me.
BLUE: They said something about a cat, cow and dog.
HUMPTY: Egg-xactly as I suspected.
GRANNY: He’s good.
HUMPTY: Fetch me the cat, cow and dog.
PIGS: Yes, sir!
(PIGS exit. BLUE finds somewhere to nap)
HUMPTY: Meanwhile, let’s do a little Easter egg hunt.
WINKY: What?
HUMPTY: That’s code for searching for clues.
WINKY: Oh, how egg-citing.
(HUMPTY laughs)
HUMPTY: Well said.
(HUMPTY looks around and everyone watches)
RED: It’s exciting to see a detective at work.
GRANNY: He’s the best.
(HUMPTY finds something)
HUMPTY: I believe this is where they hatched their plan.
(HUMPTY holds up dish and spoon)
MUFFIT: My dish and spoon.
HUMPTY: I believe it once contained curds and whey.
MUFFIT: You’re right.
HUMPTY: They used these tools to escape and scramble away.
MUFFIT: Oh, no!
(PIGS enter with CAT, DOG and COW)
CAT: What’s going on here?
DOG: Is this some kind of joke?
COW: Let go or I’m jumping on your head.
DOG: I’d like to see that!
(DOG laughs)
HUMPTY: Oh, Doggy. You crack me up.
CAT: Oh, no. It’s Humpty Dumpty.
COW: What do you want, egghead?
HUMPTY: Why don’t you all come out of your shells and tell me the truth?
CAT: The truth about what?
HUMPTY: You know what.
(DOG laughs)
DOG: I love riddles.
CAT: Your brains are scrambled.
COW: We don’t know anything about the missing sheep.
(GRANNY, RED and MUFFIT gasp. DOG laughs nervously)
HUMPTY: Who said anything about sheep?
CAT: Uh, uh… the pigs told us.
BIG PIG: We did not.
MID PIG: No way.
WEE PIG: Not a peep.
(HUMPTY gets tough)
HUMPTY: Where is your friend the fox?
SHEPHERD: And where is the wolf?
CAT: We don’t know.
HUMPTY: You’re lying.
COW: Would you believe me if I said they were on the moon?
(HUMPTY thinks and then smiles)
HUMPTY: I believe I might.
DOG: Clever clue, Claribelle.
COW: Solve my riddle and you find your sheep.
CAT: Now, if someone could find my fiddle.
(DOG giggles)
HUMPTY: I believe the dog knows where it is.
CAT: What?! Where’s my fiddle, dog?
DOG: I hid it from you.
CAT: Where?
DOG: On the moon!
(DOG runs off laughing. CAT chases him)
COW: Are we done here?
WINKY: Do you know the answer to the riddle?
HUMPTY: I do. You may eggs-it.
COW: I’m leaping out of here.
(COW jumps away. JACK and JILL return. JACK is wearing a crown)
SHEPHERD: So you know where they took my sheep.
HUMPTY: I do. And I shall reveal the answer after I have a drink of water.
JACK: I’ll fetch you some water.
JILL: Let’s get it from the well up the hill.
(JACK and JILL run off)
HUMPTY: I’ll just sit here on this wall while I wait.
(HUMPTY goes to a little wall to sit)
MUFFIT: This is so egg-citing.
RED: I’m over easy with egg-citement.
HUMPTY: Solving this mystery makes me feel sunny side up.
(JACK yells and stumbles on stage with pale. JILL stumbles after him)
JILL: Look out, Jack!
JACK: Help!
(JACK runs into HUMPTY who falls behind wall and JACK breaks his crown when JILL crashed into him)
GRANNY: Oh, no!
(JACK sits sadly on the ground looking at his broken crown. JILL sits next to him. All the others look at HUMPTY behind the wall)
BIG PIG: What a mess?
MID PIG: He had quite a fall.
WEE PIG: He’s all cracked up.
WINKY: What do we do?
GRANNY: Get the king’s men!
RED: I’ll get them and their horses too!
(RED runs off)
JACK: They’ll put him back together again.
JILL: Horses are good at that.
SHEPHERD: Speak to me, Humpty!
WINKY: He can’t talk.
SHEPHERD: Where are my sheep?
MUFFIT: What was that clue?
GRANNY: Something about the moon.
WEE PIG: How could they get on the moon?
MID PIG: Maybe it’s a different moon.
BIG PIG: Like the Half Moon Inn?
GRANNY: What a smart little piggy!
BIG PIG: Aw, shucks.
SHEPHERD: I’ll go there at once!
(SHEPHERD wakes up BLUE)
BLUE: What?
SHEPHERD: Help me get my sheep.
BLUE: You found them?
SHEPHERD: Maybe. Let’s go.
BIG PIG: We’ll help.
MID PIG: And let’s catch that Fox…
WEE PIG: And friends!
(SONG: CATCH THE FOX: https://freedrama.net/Gooseville-Catch-the-Fox.mp3)
[Verse]
It’s the fox!
Fox! Fox!
Sneaky feet
On the rocks
Tail is flicking
Eyes are sly
Catch the fox
Before it flies
[Chorus]
The fox is running
The chase is stunning
Catch the fox!
Catch the fox!
No time for talking
The clock is ticking
Catch the fox!
[Verse 2]
Quick as a spark
Darting through the dark
Hear the snap
Of twigs that crack
Paws are nimble
Leaves will scatter
Find the fox
Before it’s shattered
[Chorus]
The fox is running
The chase is stunning
Catch the fox!
Catch the fox!
No time for talking
The clock is ticking
Catch the fox!
(BLUE, SHEPHERD and PIGS exit. JACK leans on wall and looks at HUMPTY)
JACK: I’m so sorry about what happened, Humpty.
(JACK loses his balance)
JILL: Look out, Jack!
(JACK falls)
JACK: Ew! Gross!
JILL: Jack, you’ve got egg on your face.
WINKY: And everywhere else too.
MUFFIT: What a mess.
JACK: Where are the king’s men?
JILL: I think I hear the king’s horses.
JACK: I hope they can help me.
JILL: You? What about Humpty?
JACK: Yeah, him too.
(KING’S MAN and KING’S HORSE enter with RED)
KING’S MAN: Hello, good citizens.
WINKY: Just one man?
KING’S MAN: And a horse.
KING’S HORSE: Hello.
KING’S MAN: Where’s Humpty?
JACK: Back here.
KING’S MAN: Oh, hello, Master Jack. How are you today?
JACK: I’ve been better.
KING’S MAN: Poor little guy. Let’s get you cleaned up.
(KING’S HORSE helps JACK with a towel)
GRANNY: What about Humpty?
MUFFIT: You’re stepping on him!
KING’S MAN: Sorry about that, old chap.
RED: Can you help him?
KING’S MAN: Yes, actually. Where is his hat?
(JILL holds up hat)
JILL: Here it is.
KING’S MAN: Humpty’s hat is magical.
KING’S HORSE: We just need an egg.
KING’S MAN: A big egg.
JACK: Like a dragon egg.
KING’S HORSE: Egg-actly.
KING’S MAN: Anyone have a dragon egg?
KING’S HORSE: I have one back at the castle.
KING’S MAN: Jolly good. Bring the hat. Let’s go.
(KING’S MAN and KING’S HORSE exit)
MUFFIT: What do we do about this mess?
JACK: I will use this magical towel to clean it up.
(JACK waves it)
JILL: Didn’t work.
JACK: Hmm… I’ll try again.
(JACK waves towel around in different ways)
GRANNY: Fetch my skillet, Red.
RED: What?
GRANNY: I’m going to make us an omelet.
RED: Ew.
(BLUE runs in)
BLUE: We found them!
(SHEEP baa off stage)
MUFFIT: I’m so glad you found them.
(SHEPHERD enters with SHEEP)
SHEPHERD: Welcome home!
SHEEP: Baa!
(PIGS enter with FOX, WOLF and SPIDER)
BIG PIG: And we caught the thieves.
MID PIG: We got them by the hairs of their chinny chin chins.
WOLF: It hurts too,
WEE PIG: What should we do with them?
MID PIG: Start a fire!
WEE PIG: Burn their bottoms!
FOX: Could I speak before you decide?
WINKY: Why should we listen to you?
RED: Yeah, you tricked us.
MUFFIT: And scared us.
SHEPHERD: And stole our sheep.
FOX: We just need a home.
SPIDER: And we’re hungry.
WOLF: Can you help us?
(Everyone gets quiet and looks at each other sadly, feeling a bit ashamed)
GRANNY: Blessed is the one who is kind to the needy.
(RED gives her cloak to the wolf who is shivering)
RED: Anyone who has two shirts should share with the one who has none.
(MUFFIT gives bowl of food to spider)
MUFFIT: Anyone who has food should do the same.
BIG PIG: We’ll even build you a house.
(SONG: BLESSED IS THE ONE WHO LENDS A HAND: https://freedrama.net/Gooseville-Blessed-is-the-one-who-lends-a-hand.mp3)
[Verse]
Blessed is the one who lends a hand
Lifts the fallen
Helps them stand
A quiet hero in the noise
Giving hope
Sharing joys
[Chorus]
We will feed the hungry
Heal the pain
Pour out love like endless rain
We'll work together
We’ll build you a home
Open hands
Kind hearts
For those who roam
[Verse 2]
Every stone tells a story
Every meal a grace
Smiles light the darkest place
No gold in our pockets
Just love to give
In this
We find the will to live
[Chorus]
We will feed the hungry
Heal the pain
Pour out love like endless rain
We'll work together
We’ll build you a home
Open hands
Kind hearts
For those who roam
FOX: We are touched by your kindness.
WOLF: We promise to be good.
MID PIG: You better be.
WEE PIG: Or we’ll burn your bottoms!
(All laugh)
END OF PLAY
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