The D&D BnB
“The Damsels and Dominions Dinner”
By D. M. Larson
Copyright © 2017 All Rights Reserved
Please do NOT repost the text of this script online.
SCENE (The Damsels and Dominions Dinner)
(Lights come up on a Bed and Breakfast. But it is a most unusual BnB. It is the D&D BnB which is a role playing game themed hotel for players of the game “Damsels and Dominions.” The decor is filled with medieval fantasy props and art. A strange SERVANT who dresses in a medieval fantasy costume lurks around the room, being creepy and mysterious. Suddenly the front door opens and SERVANT hides. JOHN and FLINT enter)
MASTER
Welcome Damsel and Dominion players to your evening dining experience. A complete adventure meal guided by yours truly, the Dominion Master. Enter players and face your fates!
(Guests enter and they are all dressed up as Medieval Fantasy type cosplay characters. There need to be at least 3 but there can be more. And there is a couple that looks very normal and very out of place)
Presenting the Warriors!
(1 or more warriors come forward and everyone cheers)
The Warlocks!
(1 or more warlocks/witches come forward. Cheers)
The Whimsicals!
(1 or more fantasy types dressed as fairies and other magical creatures come out. Cheers)
And… uh…
(They all look at the normal couple and the noise dies down)
MASTER (CONT.)
Who are you again?
MRS. JOHN
We’re the Johns from Dingle, Idaho. I’m Jenny and this is my husband John.
JOHN
It’s a family name. John John.
MRS. JOHN
I think it’s cute.
MASTER
No, no. What clan are you from?
JOHN
I’m not Scottish.
WARRIOR
Look at your character sheet.
MRS. JOHN
Oh, dear. We left that in our room upstairs. I can run up and get it.
MASTER
Silence! You have broken one of the house rules.
WARLOCK
Never leave your character sheet behind.
WHIMSICAL
The whole hotel is a full adventure experience. Never be unprepared.
MASTER
As your punishment, you must play as level zero characters!
(EVERYONE except JOHNS gasp)
MASTER (CONT.)
With no powers!
(EVERYONE except JOHNS gasp again)
WARRIOR
A fate worse than death.
JOHN
As long as get some supper. I’m starving.
WARLOCK
I wouldn’t count on it. Not at level zero.
MASTER
I dub thee…
(MASTER rolls dice on a table in the middle of the room - huge dice would add to the humor)
MASTER (CONT.)
The Weasel clan.
WHIMSICAL
Oh, they’re the worst of the worst.
JOHN
Can’t be worse than living in Slickpoo, Idaho. That town lives up to its name.
MASTER
Players be seated!
(EVERYONE sits around the large table. JOHN and MRS. JOHN are seated closest to the audience together on one side)
JOHN
Can’t we just go to get a burger or something?
MRS. JOHN
Oh, come on, dear. This might be fun. We’ve never done anything like this before. Besides, it’s included in the price of the hotel.
JOHN
I can find a burger for 99 cents.
MRS. JOHN
Stop being silly. Now sit down.
(JOHN sits down all huffy)
MASTER
We will begin our meal by entering a mysterious cavern. You approach a light flickering in the distance. There you see little waterfalls that line the cavern wall. A mysterious voice rings out, “Drink! And be made wiser! Drink! And be made stronger! Drink! Or you’ll be cast out from this magical realm… forever!”
WARRIOR
I ask to face this challenge first.
MASTER
Then cast your die!
(WARRIOR rolls and they cheer. SERVERS bring out each item described)
WARLOCK
Ah! Good roll!
MASTER
You hold forth your goblet and receive a magical sparkling fairy brew.
MRS. JOHN
Looks like soda pop.
MASTER
These are not drinks for mortals. Be wary of their magical gifts. Warriors! The fairy brew gives you…
(MASTER rolls)
+10 strength for this journey!
(WARRIORS cheer)
WARLOCKS
We ask to partake of the mystical waters.
MASTER
Then cast your die!
(WARLOCKS roll)
MASTER (CONT.)
You receive devil’s blood.
JOHN
Looks like tomato juice.
MRS. JOHN
Or fruit punch.
WARLOCK
And what magical property does this drink give us?
(MASTER rolls)
MASTER
+8 magic casting
(WARLOCKS cheer)
MASTER
Now for the Weasels.
MRS. JOHN
Oh, that’s us. Over here.
MASTER
Cast your die.
JOHN
Huh?
WHIMSICAL
Roll the dice.
MRS. JOHN
It’s like a board game.
WHIMSICAL
Without the board.
JOHN
Whatever.
(JOHN rolls. Players sigh)
JOHN (CONT.)
Look. I’m number one.
MASTER
You receive Dragon’s Spit.
MRS. JOHN
Looks like water.
JOHN
A bit cloudy for water. I hope it’s not real spit.
MASTER
This drink give you -2 confusion.
JOHN
You said it.
(WHIMSICAL rolls and cheer and get their drink)
MASTER
And you receive Griffin’s Milk with +12 wisdom.
WARRIOR
Bring on the appetizers.
MASTER
The warriors find a secret passage and lead the way into another chamber. It is a treasure chamber!
WARLOCK
Wait. Let me check to see if there are any enchantments or curses before you touch anything.
MASTER
Very wise Warlocks. Cast your die!
(WARLOCK rolls)
WHIMSICAL
Good roll!
MASTER
Your spell reveals several enchanted treasures that will aid you on your journey. Cast your die! And see which treasure you receive.
(EVERYONE rolls)
WARRIOR
12
MASTER
You receive the Rings of Power!
(SERVERS can bring out bowls of fake food. Real food is not necessary)
JOHN
Looks like onion rings.
WARLOCK
7
MASTER
The Shield of Tijuana.
MRS. JOHN
Tortillas with cheese.
WHIMSICAL
15!
MASTER
Mana from the Gardens of the Gods
MRS. JOHN
That looks tasty.
WHIMSICAL
It’s spinach and artichoke dip.
JOHN
I’ll pass.
MRS. JOHN
We rolled a 2.
MASTER
You receive the plague!
JOHN
Oh, great.
MRS. JOHN
Grasshoppers?!
WARLOCK
In some countries, they’re a delicacy.
JOHN
Wanna trade?
MASTER
There will be no trading! Your fate is destined.
WHIMSICAL
I’ll share my dip.
MRS. JOHN
That’s very nice of you.
JOHN
No thanks. I just want a burger.
MASTER
Ready yourselves… for you hear a mighty roar from the caverns below. You hear mighty claws scratching the rock walls and it climbs toward you at lightning speed.
WARRIOR
Ready your weapons! 13!
WARLOCK
I have cast a spell of protection! 6! No!
WHIMSICAL
We call on our guardian spirits! 18!
JOHN
1 again.
MASTER
The beast bursts into the room. It’s the Bedazzled Beast of Baramouthe.
WARRIOR
Mighty fine eating! Let’s bbq this beasty!
MASTER
The Whimsical rolled highest so they get the tastiest most tender of the beast. The other will get nice cuts as well. But for a roll of one, you get the bones.
(MASTER gives a plate of bones to the JOHNS and laughs. Warriors and Warlocks laugh too. Whimsicals are sympathetic)
JOHN
I am so hungry.
(WHIMSICAL tries to slip them some meat)
WHIMSICAL
Psst. Here.
MRS. JOHN
Why that’s mighty nice…
(MASTER sees and slaps it out of their hand)
MASTER
No sharing! Only the strongest survive.
JOHN
I’m not sure you’re going to survive this evening, buddy.
MASTER
Time for dessert.
WHIMSICAL
Make a good roll.
MASTER
Cast your die!
MRS. JOHN
Lookie there. We got a 20!
MASTER
You will receive the most decadent of desserts.
JOHN
It’s about time! Bring it on!
(SERVERS bring out two covered dishes)
MASTER
Chilled Goblin Brains.
(Others clap as servers uncover the dish)
MRS. JOHN
Oh dear.
JOHN
It looks like real brains.
MASTER
Our chef is an artistic master of foods.
MRS. JOHN
I lost my appetite.
JOHN
Can I trade?
MASTER
No trading!
WARLOCK
Could be worse. We rolled a 1 and got yellow snow.
JOHN
I really want that burger.
END OF SCENE
CAST OF CHARACTERS
JOHN and MRS JOHN - normal people who end up at a theme hotel - Johns can be 2 sisters or 2 brothers if desired with just a few line changes.
MASTER - Dominion Master who leads the games at the hotel
WARRIOR - These actors are dressed as medieval fantasy warrior types and can be one or more people.
WARLOCKS - These actors are dressed as warlocks and witches a can be one or more people
WHIMSICALS - These actors are dressed as fairy magical types and can be multiple people in the group or just one.
SERVERS - one or more servers dressed as medieval fantasy servants are helpful to move the scene along and bring out fake food (real food is not necessary) - the MASTER can serve if the cast is small but one or more servers would be helpful
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