SCENE (The Damsels and Dominions Dinner)

(Lights come up on a Bed and Breakfast. But it is a most unusual BnB. It is the D&D BnB which is a role playing game themed hotel for players of the game “Damsels and Dominions.” The decor is filled with medieval fantasy props and art. A strange SERVANT who dresses in a medieval fantasy costume lurks around the room, being creepy and mysterious. Suddenly the front door opens and SERVANT hides. JOHN and FLINT enter)

MASTER

Welcome Damsel and Dominion players to your evening dining experience. A complete adventure meal guided by yours truly, the Dominion Master.  Enter players and face your fates!

(Guests enter and they are all dressed up as Medieval Fantasy type cosplay characters.  There need to be at least 3 but there can be more. And there is a couple that looks very normal and very out of place)

Presenting the Warriors!

(1 or more warriors come forward and everyone cheers)

The Warlocks!

(1 or more warlocks/witches come forward. Cheers)

The Whimsicals!

(1 or more fantasy types dressed as fairies and other magical creatures come out. Cheers)

And… uh…

(They all look at the normal couple and the noise dies down)

MASTER (CONT.)

Who are you again?

MRS. JOHN

We’re the Johns from Dingle, Idaho. I’m Jenny and this is my husband John.

JOHN

It’s a family name.  John John.

MRS. JOHN

I think it’s cute.

MASTER

No, no. What clan are you from?

JOHN

I’m not Scottish.

WARRIOR

Look at your character sheet.

MRS. JOHN

Oh, dear. We left that in our room upstairs. I can run up and get it.

MASTER

Silence! You have broken one of the house rules.

WARLOCK

Never leave your character sheet behind.

WHIMSICAL

The whole hotel is a full adventure experience. Never be unprepared.

MASTER

As your punishment, you must play as level zero characters!

(EVERYONE except JOHNS gasp)

MASTER (CONT.)

With no powers!

(EVERYONE except JOHNS gasp again)

WARRIOR

A fate worse than death.

JOHN

As long as get some supper. I’m starving.

WARLOCK

I wouldn’t count on it.  Not at level zero.

MASTER

I dub thee…

(MASTER rolls dice on a table in the middle of the room - huge dice would add to the humor)

MASTER (CONT.)

The Weasel clan.

WHIMSICAL

Oh, they’re the worst of the worst.

JOHN

Can’t be worse than living in Slickpoo, Idaho. That town lives up to its name.

MASTER

Players be seated!

(EVERYONE sits around the large table. JOHN and MRS. JOHN are seated closest to the audience together on one side)

JOHN

Can’t we just go to get a burger or something?

MRS. JOHN

Oh, come on, dear. This might be fun. We’ve never done anything like this before. Besides, it’s included in the price of the hotel.

JOHN

I can find a burger for 99 cents.

MRS. JOHN

Stop being silly. Now sit down.

(JOHN sits down all huffy)

MASTER

We will begin our meal by entering a mysterious cavern.  You approach a light flickering in the distance. There you see little waterfalls that line the cavern wall. A mysterious voice rings out, “Drink! And be made wiser! Drink! And be made stronger! Drink! Or you’ll be cast out from this magical realm… forever!”

WARRIOR

I ask to face this challenge first.

MASTER

Then cast your die!

(WARRIOR rolls and they cheer. SERVERS bring out each item described)

WARLOCK

Ah! Good roll!

MASTER

You hold forth your goblet and receive a magical sparkling fairy brew.

MRS. JOHN

Looks like soda pop.

MASTER

These are not drinks for mortals. Be wary of their magical gifts.  Warriors!  The fairy brew gives you…

(MASTER rolls)

+10 strength for this journey!

(WARRIORS cheer)

WARLOCKS

We ask to partake of the mystical waters.

MASTER

Then cast your die!

(WARLOCKS roll)

MASTER (CONT.)

You receive devil’s blood.

JOHN

Looks like tomato juice.

MRS. JOHN

Or fruit punch.

WARLOCK

And what magical property does this drink give us?

(MASTER rolls)

MASTER

+8 magic casting

(WARLOCKS cheer)

MASTER

Now for the Weasels.

MRS. JOHN

Oh, that’s us. Over here.

MASTER

Cast your die.

JOHN

Huh?

WHIMSICAL

Roll the dice.

MRS. JOHN

It’s like a board game.

WHIMSICAL

Without the board.

JOHN

Whatever.

(JOHN rolls. Players sigh)

JOHN (CONT.)

Look. I’m number one.

MASTER

You receive Dragon’s Spit.

MRS. JOHN

Looks like water.

JOHN

A bit cloudy for water.  I hope it’s not real spit.

MASTER

This drink give you -2 confusion.

JOHN

You said it.

(WHIMSICAL rolls and cheer and get their drink)

MASTER

And you receive Griffin’s Milk with +12 wisdom.

WARRIOR

Bring on the appetizers.

MASTER

The warriors find a secret passage and lead the way into another chamber. It is a treasure chamber!

WARLOCK

Wait. Let me check to see if there are any enchantments or curses before you touch anything.

MASTER

Very wise Warlocks. Cast your die!

(WARLOCK rolls)

WHIMSICAL

Good roll!

MASTER

Your spell reveals several enchanted treasures that will aid you on your journey.  Cast your die!  And see which treasure you receive.

(EVERYONE rolls)

WARRIOR

12

MASTER

You receive the Rings of Power!

(SERVERS can bring out bowls of fake food. Real food is not necessary)

JOHN

Looks like onion rings.

WARLOCK

7

MASTER

The Shield of Tijuana.

MRS. JOHN

Tortillas with cheese.

WHIMSICAL

15!

MASTER

Mana from the Gardens of the Gods

MRS. JOHN

That looks tasty.

WHIMSICAL

It’s spinach and artichoke dip.

JOHN

I’ll pass.

MRS. JOHN

We rolled a 2.

MASTER

You receive the plague!

JOHN

Oh, great.

MRS. JOHN

Grasshoppers?!

WARLOCK

In some countries, they’re a delicacy.

JOHN

Wanna trade?

MASTER

There will be no trading! Your fate is destined.

WHIMSICAL

I’ll share my dip.

MRS. JOHN

That’s very nice of you.

JOHN

No thanks. I just want a burger.

MASTER

Ready yourselves… for you hear a mighty roar from the caverns below.  You hear mighty claws scratching the rock walls and it climbs toward you at lightning speed.

WARRIOR

Ready your weapons!  13!

WARLOCK

I have cast a spell of protection!  6!  No!

WHIMSICAL

We call on our guardian spirits!  18!  

JOHN

1 again.

MASTER

The beast bursts into the room. It’s the Bedazzled Beast of Baramouthe.

WARRIOR

Mighty fine eating!  Let’s bbq this beasty!

MASTER

The Whimsical rolled highest so they get the tastiest most tender of the beast.  The other will get nice cuts as well.  But for a roll of one, you get the bones.  

(MASTER gives a plate of bones to the JOHNS and laughs. Warriors and Warlocks laugh too. Whimsicals are sympathetic)

JOHN

I am so hungry.

(WHIMSICAL tries to slip them some meat)

WHIMSICAL

Psst.  Here.

MRS. JOHN

Why that’s mighty nice…

(MASTER sees and slaps it out of their hand)

MASTER

No sharing!  Only the strongest survive.

JOHN

I’m not sure you’re going to survive this evening, buddy.

MASTER

Time for dessert.

WHIMSICAL

Make a good roll.

MASTER

Cast your die!

MRS. JOHN

Lookie there. We got a 20!

MASTER

You will receive the most decadent of desserts.

JOHN

It’s about time!  Bring it on!

(SERVERS bring out two covered dishes)

MASTER

Chilled Goblin Brains.

(Others clap as servers uncover the dish)

MRS. JOHN

Oh dear.

JOHN

It looks like real brains.

MASTER

Our chef is an artistic master of foods.

MRS. JOHN

I lost my appetite.

JOHN

Can I trade?

MASTER

No trading!

WARLOCK

Could be worse.  We rolled a 1 and got yellow snow.

JOHN

I really want that burger.

END OF SCENE

CAST OF CHARACTERS

JOHN and MRS JOHN - normal people who end up at a theme hotel - Johns can be 2 sisters or 2 brothers if desired with just a few line changes.

MASTER - Dominion Master who leads the games at the hotel

WARRIOR - These actors are dressed as medieval fantasy warrior types and can be one or more people.

WARLOCKS - These actors are dressed as warlocks and witches a can be one or more people

WHIMSICALS - These actors are dressed as fairy magical types and can be multiple people in the group or just one.

SERVERS - one or more servers dressed as medieval fantasy servants are helpful to move the scene along and bring out fake food (real food is not necessary) - the MASTER can serve if the cast is small but one or more servers would be helpful

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