Rock! Sword! Firecracker!

by D. M. Larson

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free comedy play script for three or more actors

INT. rec room. Day.


MASTER: Master of the game of Rock, Sword, Firecracker

MEL and KELLY: Rock, Scissors, Paper Players.

OPTIONAL EXTRAS: If you have more actors, you can divide up Mel and Kelly's lines and have actors become the characters in the master's story.


Group of friends playing rock scissors paper at a local tournament.  They all say:


Rock, scissors, paper!

They all do one of the above.  One person gets rock and the rest get scissors and he/she pounds all their scissors.  They all laugh and start another round.  One person gets scissors and the rest paper and he/she cuts all their papers dramatically.  There is Asian music and a person enters dressed in traditional Asian clothing.  The players don't notice at first but the master shouts:



They all freeze.


Who are you?


I am the master of the Rock!

Master holds out a fist.  Players all look at each other and then laugh. 


Well, I've got paper.

Mel puts a flat hand over the Master's fist.  Players laugh and then Master grabs Mel's hand and throw Mel on the the table and sticks a finger to Mel's throat.


And I have sword.


There's no sword in Rock, Paper, Scissors.


That is where you are mistaken.

Master helps Mel up. 


I am here to tell you the story of... (dramatic pause) ROCK! (holds up a fist) SWORD! (holds up index finger) FIRECRACKER! (holds up thumb).

Players all look at each other confused.


I thought it was rock, scissors, paper.


You are wrong!  The ancient game has been dishonored by scissors and paper.  It is a mockery of the true art of the challenge.  Shall I tell you the story?




If you wish to hear the story, you must say, "Yes, Master."

They all look at each other, some shrug, some make funny face but they all nod in agreement.


Yes, master.


Say... "Pretty please."

They give each other looks and then say.


Pretty please.


"Pretty please with a cherry blossom on top."


Come on!


Fine.  I will tell you the story. 

The master can pull out a scroll or book to help with the story. This next part is flexible for staging.  The master can act out his story, more actors can come in and act out the story or the players can act out the story. 

MASTER (Cont.)

It all began with the rock. 


You mean like the wrestler?


No, the rock was a big fat lazy slob. But he was unmovable.  He was a champion sumo wrestler because no one could move him. He won every match.  And then he sent a challenge out to all warriors that no one could defeat him.  So samurai and ninja from all over Asia came to fight him, but even a sword could not pierce his rock-like skin.  But then a magician from a distant land came with a mighty weapon. A firecracker!  No one had seen such a huge firecracker before.  The magician faced off against the Rock.  He lit the fuse and placed it at the Rock's feet.  The Rock did not care.  He did not think anything could defeat him.  Suddenly, there was a huge explosion.  They were screams and cries of pain.  And when the smoke cleared, the Rock had fallen.  Everyone stood quietly and couldn't believe their eyes. A few began to cry. The magician's laugh broke the silence and he pulled another, even bigger firecracker from his robes.  The magician yelled, "I shall rid this land of the Rock forever!" He placed the firecracker next to the Rock and lit it.  But then a young one, who was a big fan and collected all the Rock memorabilia, sprang in to action.  He snatched up a sword and "swish", cut the fuse, saving the rock from destruction.

The master bows to end his story and the players clap and cheer.




Great story!


So I ask that you no longer dishonor the game with scissors and paper. 


Yes, Master!


We will, Master.

Master bows and then leaves.




Rock, sword, firecracker!

All except one do firecracker and one does sword and dramatically cuts their fuses with karate sounds.


That is more fun.


Rock, sword, firecracker!

All except on do rock and one does dynamite and blows them up. 


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