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Goodnight Princess

Sleepless in Fairytale Land

by D. M. Larson


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CAST OF CHARACTERS (14 to 24+)

Main Cast (5)

NARA: A princess who can’t sleep.

CHAMBERLAIN: Lead royal assistant to NARA.

MIRROR: Magical person inside mirror who likes to tell jokes to NARA.

COOK: Prepares food for NARA.

MOON: Sits outside the window trying to sing NARA to sleep.

Supporting Cast (19+ or 9 with doubling)

*ROSE: Sleeping Beauty

*BAD: Bad fairy who made the spell that cursed ROSE.

*GOOD: Good fairy who turned the curse of ROSE into a sleeping spell.

*RED: Red Riding Hood

*WOLF: A wolf dressed as RED’s grandma

*BOY: A boy who cries “wolf!”

*SHEEP: Several dancing sheep that NARA tries to count to fall asleep

*ALICE: Of Wonderland

*MAD HATTER: Crazy person who serves pretend tea.

*QUEEN OF HEARTS: Wants to cut off NARA’s head.

*PEA: Princess who looks for a pea or something else that might be keep NARA awake.

*GOLDILOCKS: A light haired girl who wants to find something that is just right.

*PAPA BEAR: The father bear.

*MAMA BEAR: The mother bear.

*BABY BEAR: The baby bear.

*ANIMALS: Several cute critters who come to help SNOW clean.

*SNOW: Snow White

*RAVENNA: The Evil Queen who shares poison fruit.

*RIP: A wise old person named Rip Van Winkle.

CAST NOTES:

5 main characters + 19 or more parts that can be doubled (24+ overall)

Most parts can be played by females.

*Parts that can be doubled and performed by a cast of 14.

BOY, MAD HATTER, PAPA BEAR and RIP could be played by 1 to 2 males.

ROSE, BAD, GOOD, ALICE, QUEEN OF HEARTS, PEA, SNOW and RAVENNA can be played by as few as 3 females)

SHEEP and ANIMALS could be played by 2 or more actors (the more the better)

RED, WOLF, GOLDILOCKS, MAMA BEAR and BABY BEAR can be played by 3 females.

SCENE:

(The scene is a bedroom with a large royal bed center. The bed has fancy bedding and 3 mattresses. There is a table with 3 chairs at one end of the stage. On the other end of the stage is a large wardrobe with a framed cutout representing a mirror. The actor who plays MIRROR appears here throughout the play. A black curtain is inside the wardrobe so the MIRROR actor can appear to fade in and out. The play starts in darkness)  


CUE SONG AND SPOTLIGHT:

(A spotlight appears on the MOON. MOON sings a song such as “Hush Little Baby” or “Rockabye Baby Blues”)

CUE STAGE LIGHTS:

(Lights come up on the rest of the stage. Princess NARA is tossing and turning in bed overdramatically during the opening song as lights come up. NARA finally gets up frustrated. She goes to the window where MOON is sitting)

NARA: You still there moon?

MOON: It’s still night, your highness.

NARA: I always laugh when you say, you’re highness.

MOON: Why is that?

NARA: Because you’re up so high and I’m way down here.

MOON: I see what you mean. Very clever your highness.

NARA: Oh stop.

(They laugh)

NARA (CONT.): I get so silly when I’m tired.

(NARA goes to her MAGIC MIRROR)

NARA (CONT.): What time is it, Magic Mirror?

MIRROR: It’s midnight. Go to sleep before you turn into a pumpkin.

NARA: Very funny. I’m not Cinderella. I never lose my shoes.

MIRROR: Hey, why is Cinderella bad at soccer?

NARA: I don’t know. Why?

MIRROR: Because she is always running away from the ball.

(They laugh)

NARA: Good one.

MIRROR: Thanks.

NARA: Perhaps another snack.

(NARA rings a bell. COOK enters sleepily)

COOK: You rang, Princess Nara?

NARA: What do we have for midnight snacks?

COOK: Still awake? The warm milk didn’t work?

NARA: Nope.

COOK: How about some turkey? That should help make you sleepy.

NARA: I could just gobble that up.

(NARA and MIRROR giggle)

MIRROR: Good one.

(NARA and MIRROR gobble)

COOK: I shall prepare you some.

NARA: Send in my royal chamberlain.

COOK: Must I? The chamberlain is so grumpy at night.

NARA: You must.

COOK: Very well.

(COOK stumbles out)

MIRROR: Hey, what’s the most musical part of the turkey?

NARA: What?

MIRROR: The drumstick.

(NARA and MIRROR giggle and gobble. CHAMBERLAIN enters)

CHAMBERLAIN: You called, Princess Nara?

NARA: Are you keeping everyone awake? I don’t want anyone asleep before me. I hate it when I’m the only one awake.

CHAMBERLAIN: We all hate that princess.

NARA: I’d be so sad if I was the only one who couldn’t sleep.

CHAMBERLAIN: We’re trying our best…everyone is very sleepy though.

NARA: Find someone to help me then!

CHAMBERLAIN: I have found some possibilities.

NARA: Who have you found?

CHAMBERLAIN: I have an entire lineup for you tonight. After so many sleepless nights, I’m prepared. I offered a reward to the one who could help you.

NARA: Good show. Send them in.

CHAMBERLAIN: First, we have Princess Rose of the Briar.

NARA: Sleeping Beauty?

CHAMBERLAIN: Quite.

NARA: Perfect. Send her in.

(CHAMBERLAIN opens door and ROSE stumbles in sleepily. NARA does a curtsy. ROSE bows and falls asleep standing. NARA clears her throat. ROSE wakes up)

ROSE: Pardon me, Princess Nara. What time is it?

MIRROR: A little past midnight.

ROSE: How can I help you, Nara?

NARA: I can’t fall asleep. I’m up all night and can’t stay awake during the day.

ROSE: It is nice to sleep. (ROSE nods off)

NARA: You’re an expert on sleep. I mean you’re known as Sleeping Beauty. You know all about it. You slept like for a 100 years or something crazy like that. What’s your secret?

ROSE: (wakes up) Well… what you need to know… what was the question?

NARA: How did you sleep for 100 years?

ROSE: Oh… it was a curse from a bad fairy.

NARA: Do you remember the curse?

ROSE: Well, you’ll need a spinning wheel.

NARA: Chamberlain!

(CHAMBERLAIN rushes in)

NARA: Fetch me a spinning wheel!

(CHAMBERLAIN rushes out)

NARA: And then what do I do?

ROSE: Pluck your finger.

NARA: Yes?

ROSE: And die.

NARA: Die?!

ROSE: Well, I was supposed to die, but a good fairy changed it to a sleep spell.

NARA: So the good fairy can help me sleep?

(CHAMBERLAIN rushes in with spinning wheel)

NARA: Fetch the good fairy!

(CHAMBERLAIN starts to go but stops when ROSE speaks)

ROSE: I think it was a combination of both their spells that did it.

NARA: Fetch the bad fairy too!

(CHAMBERLAIN rushes away)

ROSE: I hope that helps.

NARA: Thank you, Princess Rose.

ROSE: Good night, Nara.

(ROSE stumbles out sleepily)

MIRROR: Speaking of fairies. Who grants a wish to a fish?

NARA: Who?

MIRROR: A fairy codmother.

NARA: I wish I had a fairy godmother. Or even a fairy godfather.

MIRROR: Don’t call the fairy godfather.

(CHAMBERLAIN enters with BAD FAIRY and GOOD FAIRY)

CHAMBERLAIN: The fairy good and the fairy bad.

MIRROR: I’m glad he didn’t bring the fairy ugly.

BAD: She is fairly good.

GOOD: And she is fairly bad.

BAD: Thank you.

GOOD: How may we serve you, Princess Nara?

NARA: I can’t sleep. And you both made Rose sleep for like 100 years. Think you could manage a week or so?

CHAMBERLAIN: We could all really use a vacation.

BAD: I will add some poison to this spinning wheel. Prick your finger on the spinning wheel… and die!

NARA: I don’t want to die. I just want to be dead tired.

GOOD: I can turn it into a sleep spell.

BAD: Can you? Can you really?

GOOD: Sometimes.

NARA: Sometimes?

GOOD: My spell doesn’t always work.

BAD: My poison always does though.

NARA: So there is a chance it won’t turn into a sleep spell.

GOOD: It happens once in a while.

BAD: Care to give it a try princess?

NARA: No! Get out!

(CHAMBERLAIN escorts out GOOD and BAD. COOK brings in food and prepares table)

MIRROR: What do you call it when someone wants to eat every time they can’t sleep?

NARA: What?

MIRROR: It’s called insom-nom-nom-nom-nia.

(NARA and COOK laugh)

COOK: I’ve got one for you. Why did the chef stop cooking?

NARA: Why?

COOK: Because she ran out of thyme.

(COOK laughs. MIRROR frowns)

MIRROR: I don’t get it.

(CHAMBERLAIN returns)

NARA: Who do you have now, Chamberlain?

CHAMBERLAIN: Red Riding Hood and her Grandmother.

(Red Riding Hood enters with WOLF dressed as Grandma. CHAMBERLAIN exits)

RED: Hi, Princess Nara.

NARA: Hello, Red. Who is this?

RED: This is my Grandma. She’s always sleeping. I thought maybe she could help.

WOLF: Do I smell turkey?

COOK: It’s Princess Nara’s snack.

WOLF: That smells good.

RED: What’s with you? What bad manners you have grandma?

WOLF: May I?

NARA: Go ahead.

(WOLF eats turkey. COOK sighs)

COOK: I’ll prepare some more.

(COOK exits)

NARA: So what’s your secret to sleep?

WOLF: Food. Definitely food. Could we get some more food?

RED: What a big stomach you have grandma?

WOLF: Watch it, Red.

(BOY enters)

BOY: Wolf!

NARA: Who are you?

BOY: I’m the boy who cried wolf. Wolf!

WOLF: I’ve gotta go.

RED: Grandma! You have to use the bathroom again? What a small blader you have Grandma.

(RED and WOLF exit)

BOY: Wolf!

NARA: Stop that.

BOY: I’m sorry. I thought that was a wolf.

NARA: It was just a grandma.

BOY: I’m always wrong.

NARA: You here with a solution for my sleep?

BOY: I hear there’s a big prize for the one who can help you sleep.

NARA: Indeed. You have an answer?

BOY: Let me see that prize.

NARA: It’s a gold statue of me.

BOY: Wow, I wonder how much that’s worth?

NARA: You shouldn’t sell it. The winner should display it proudly.

BOY: Sure, I’ll keep that in my trophy case for everyone to see.

NARA: Good boy. So, what’s your answer?

BOY: Counting sheep. Come on in, gang?

(Dancing SHEEP scene with music like an upbeat version of Ba Ba Black Sheep or something similar to “Beep Beep I’m a Sheep.” NARA tries counting them while they dance. SHEEP dance out)

MIRROR: That was baaaaad.

NARA: And I’m still awake.

(CHAMBERLAIN enters. ALICE comes in looking around)

CHAMBERLAIN: Ready for your next visitor?

(CHAMBERLAIN exits. ALICE still wander around looking at invisible things)

NARA: Hello, Alice.

(ALICE is spacy)

ALICE: I have the most amazing dreams. Maybe you could go there too.

NARA: Maybe.

ALICE: When I’m asleep, I dream of wonderland.

NARA: How do we get there?

ALICE: We have to find the white rabbit. Come, look with me.

NARA: Is the rabbit how you get there?

ALICE: Actually, now that I think about it… I usually find a nice cozy spot outside first and read a book.

NARA: I wish I could read.

ALICE: You can’t read?

NARA: Not really.

ALICE: How sad. Perhaps you should learn to read. That might help you sleep.

NARA: Maybe you could read me a story?

ALICE: Maybe. Get cozy. I’ll read you the story of…

(ALICE is startled)

ALICE (CONT.): Oh dear.

NARA: What’s wrong?

ALICE: I’ve been followed.

NARA: Followed?

ALICE: By the people ofWonderland.

(MAD HATTER rushes in)

MAD HATTER: Tea time.. Tea time… would you like some sleepy time tea?

NARA: Sleepy time tea? That’s a great idea.

MAD HATTER: Where is it? On my head! Here’s my teapot.

(MAD HATTER had everything in his hat - cup and teapot)

MAD HATTER (CONT.): Have some tea!

(MAD HATTER gives cup to NARA)

NARA: There’s nothing in here.

MAD HATTER: It’s a tea party. Use your imagination.

(Possible song with MAD HATTER and ALICE such as “Tea for Two”)

MAD HATTER (CONT.): Drink up. Drink up. You’ll be asleep in no time.

NARA: (annoyed) There’s nothing in here.

MAD HATTER: Nothing but dreams.

NARA: I can’t drink a dream.

MAD HATTER: Or can you? I wonder what a good dream tastes like. Pour me another dream will you?

NARA: This is ridiculous.

MAD HATTER: Perhaps that is your trouble. Too much going on up there. It keeps me from sleeping. It keeps you from relaxing. Your head is so full of so much worry and seriousness. You can’t dream… you can’t imagine. What a terrible situation.

(ALICE pours NARA another cup of fake tea)

NARA: So what can I do about it?

(QUEEN OF HEARTS rushes in)

QUEEN OF HEARTS: I know how she can do it. Off with her head!

(QUEEN OF HEARTS goes after NARA. CHAMBERLAIN tries to stop her. ALICE and MAD HATTER jump in to defend NARA too).

QUEEN OF HEART: Come now. You’ll sleep so much better without a head.

(ALICE and MAD HATTER manage to get QUEEN OF HEARTS out after a struggle)

CHAMBERLAIN: I can’t imagine that was very helpful.

NARA: Not at all. Remind me never to go to Wonderland. What a nightmare

CHAMBERLAIN: You still have more visitors who want to help? Are you feeling tired though?

NARA: I’m not tired. I wish I were tired. Who’s next?

CHAMBERLAIN: Princess Pea.

NARA: Send her in.

CHAMBERLAIN; Yes

(CHAMBERLAIN exits)

MIRROR: I don’t think the Queen of Hearts was playing with a full deck. What’s her deal anyway?

NARA: She left me feeling a bit flushed.

MIRROR: I’m glad they shuffled her out of here.

(They laugh at their puns. PEA enters)

NARA: Welcome, Princess.

PEA: Thank you, Princess.

NARA: It’s good to see you, Princess.

PEA: It’s lovely to be here, Princess. I hear you’re having trouble sleeping.

NARA: I can’t sleep a wink.

PEA: That happened to me once too, but it was just a trick that only princesses can feel. There might be something under your mattress that might be causing the trouble. Let’s take a look and see. The culprit might be as small as a pea. We have to make sure we look everywhere.

(PEA pokes around a little bed around the bed peeking under the pillow)

NARA: A pea? How would a pea get in my bed?

PEA: That’s an excellent question. I’ve wondered that myself. Turns out it is a test.

(PEA does a gentle search at first and then goes crazy and rips apart everything)

PEA: That’s how they find a true princess. We are so delicate that even a little pea will disturb our slumber. And that’s probably why you can’t sleep. Something itty bitty is in here. Could be a pea? Could be a crumb? Could be sliver from your thumb? Anything will do it. It’s madness.

NARA: Oh dear. This is quite the mess.

(PEA pulls apart the bed so the bedding is everywhere. PRINCESS had 3 mattresses and these get pulled out and spread around)

PEA: I don’t see anything. You’re in the clear. Have a good night. Sleep well!

(PEA exits)

NARA: But… the mess.

(GOLDILOCKS enters)

GOLDILOCKS: This bedroom is not quite right.

NARA: I feel like I’ve been mugged.

GOLDILOCKS (CONT.): No wonder you can’t sleep. But the key is to find the right spot.

(GOLDILOCKS goes to some chairs)

GOLDILOCKS (CONT.): This chair is too hard.

(GOLDILOCKS goes to another chair)

GOLDILOCKS (CONT.): This one is too soft.

(GOLDILOCKS finds a snack)

GOLDILOCKS (CONT.): This is too cold.

(GOLDILOCKS see mattresses. Tries one)

GOLDILOCKS (CONT.): This one is too hard.

(GOLDILOCKS tries another)

GOLDILOCKS (CONT.): This one is…

NARA: ...too soft. Yeah, I get it.

GOLDILOCKS: Have we met before?

NARA: It feels like it.

(GOLDILOCKS goes to last one)

GOLDILOCKS: And this one is just right

(GOLDILOCKS falls asleep and snores loudly on the last one)

NARA: At least she is getting some sleep.

(3 BEARS burst into the room)

PAPA BEAR: Where is she?

PRINCESS: Who?

MAMA BEAR: That terrible little girl.

BABY BEAR: She broke my chair and ate my food and took my favorite pillow.

(GOLDILOCKS does a loud snore. NARAtries to wake her up)

PAPA BEAR: There she is!

MAMA BEAR: Get her!

(NARA lifts a sheet to hide the action. They all dogpile on GOLDILOCKS and NARA drops the sheet on BEARS. GOLDILOCKS gets away and runs off. BEARS struggle and mess up things even more)

BABY BEAR: She went that way!

(BEARS rush out. NARA looks at the mess)

NARA: I’m never going to sleep now.

(CHAMBERLAIN enters)

CHAMBERLAIN: Oh, dear. Things don’t appear to be going very well. Perhaps this next person will be of some help.

NARA: Who’s next Chamberlain?

CHAMBERLAIN: Snow White.

(SNOW WHITE enters)

NARA: Welcome, Princess.

SNOW: Thank you, Princess.

NARA: I’m glad to see you, Princess.

SNOW: I’m glad to see you too.

NARA: I’m glad you’re glad.

CHAMBERLAIN: They’re stuck in an I’m glad loop.

(CHAMBERLAIN picks up a few things and exits)

SNOW: How can I help you this evening?

NARA: I need sleep. I hear you’re quite good at sleeping.

SNOW: I owe it all to my routine.

NARA: Routine?

SNOW: Every day, I have a strict cleaning regiment.

(SNOW WHITE goes around and cleans up the room)

NARA: Cleaning?

SNOW: I clean my entire castle from top to bottom. I get so sleepy after.

NARA: I don’t like cleaning.

SNOW: I can see that.

NARA: It’s been a rough night.

SNOW: I try to make it fun… I always whistle while I work.

(SNOW starts to whistle or hum and clean. Animals start appearing and want to help)

SNOW (CONT.): Oh! Hello, little friends. Do you want to help?

(Animals nod excitedly and start helping)

SNOW (CONT.): I find that cleaning and doing some chores always wears me out and makes me extra sleepy.

NARA: Chores? Cleaning? But you’re a princess?

SNOW: That’s the best reason to clean and do chores. A good princess is an example to her people. How can we expect to have a beautiful kingdom if we don’t make our home lovely too.

NARA: But is that why you fell asleep for so long? Wasn’t it a sleeping spell that made you fall asleep for a long time?

SNOW: Yes, I’ve slept through a few spells.

NARA: So there is a sleeping spell? You have to tell me what it is. I really need some sleep.

SNOW: But you don’t want that. It’s a terrible spell by a very wicked person.

NARA: I do want it. Badly. I need some sleep! Even if it’s for weeks, months or years. It doesn’t matter.

SNOW: I’m not sure it’s a good idea.

NARA: Please! I need your help. Help me.

SNOW: If you’re sure…

NARA: Absolutely, positively, for certain.

SNOW: Her name is Ravenna, the evil Queen.

NARA: Thank you!

SNOW: Farewell then. I will be wishing you all the best.

(SNOW gathers the animals and goes. One MOUSE stays and hangs out)

NARA: Chamberlain!

(CHAMBERLAIN enters)

CHAMBERLAIN: Yes, princess?

NARA: Fetch me, Ravenna the Evil Queen.

CHAMBERLAIN: Fortunately for you, she is already here.

NARA: Wonderful!

CHAMBERLAIN: She’s a terrible person…  I was going to send her away…

NARA: No!

CHAMBERLAIN: But she refuses to leave.

NARA: Good. Send her in.

CHAMBERLAIN: As you wish… but please be careful.

(CHAMBERLAIN goes and RAVENNA rushes in)

RAVENNA: Good to see you, Princess Nara. I see you are one of the farest in the land.

MIRROR: That’s what I told you.

NARA: You two know each other?

MIRROR: We go way back.

RAVENNA: I see you have my old mirror. Has it served you well?

NARA: Mirror is a wonderful companion. I wish you’d told me about her though.

MIRROR: Trust me. You would have been better off without her.

(RAVENNA does an evil laugh)

RAVENNA: But now I’m here… would you care for an apple?

MIRROR: Don’t eat it princess!

NARA: What’s wrong with it?

RAVENNA: Nothing.

NARA: It’s a poison apple.

NARA: What kind of poison?

RAVENNA: Sleep poison.

NARA: Perfect.

(NARA takes a bite. RAVENNA laughs. MIRROR gasps, NARAcloses her eyes and hopes she’ll sleep but then nothing)

RAVENNA: What’s wrong?

NARA: It didn’t work.

RAVENNA: How strange? Here. Try a poison banana.

MIRROR: Princess! No!

(NARA takes bite of poison banana)

NARA: That didn’t work either.

RAVENNA: A poison pear?

(NARA stomps her foot)

NARA: Oh! Forget it! You can go away now.

RAVENNA: I don’t get it. These always worked before.

(RAVENNA takes a bit of pear and then passes out on a mattress. CHAMBERLAIN and COOK enter)

NARA: Oh, this is just great. What am I going to do with her?

CHAMBERLAIN: Don’t look at me. I’m not kissing her.

NARA: Take her away please.

(CHAMBERLAIN can help her out or CHAMBERLAIN and COOK can drag mattress with her on it out)

NARA: This is hopeless. I’m going to be awake forever. What time is it now, mouse?

MOUSE: Hickory, dickory, doc. The clock says one o’clock.

NARA: I’ll never get to sleep.

MIRROR: Let’s see who else we can talk to. There’s that cobbler who’s shoes get fixed every night when he sleeps.

NARA: I don’t need shoes.

MIRROR: And there’s Jack and the sleepy giant he’d steal from.

NARA: Maybe the sleepy giant would know a few tricks?

MIRROR: Oh, wait. I think Jack did something to the giant. Never mind.

NARA: This is hopeless. Isn’t there anyone out there who knows what to do?

(RIP VAN WINKLE enters)

RIP: Perhaps I can help, Princess Nara.

NARA: Who are you?

RIP: I’m Van Winkle, Rip Van Winkle.

NARA: You slept for like 20 years! That’s perfect. How’d you do it?

RIP: There is a drink you can drink, but I want you to think. Is this really something that matters? You might be feeling as mad as a hatter, but first there is something you must do. Relax. Relax and take off your shoes.

NARA: My shoes?

(NARA sits in a chair and takes off her shoes)

RIP: And stretch out your toes. Because everyone knows that the feet, where our legs meet the street, are the place where we hurt, constantly hitting the dirt. And the things that will help us and stop all the fuss.

(RIP gets a large bowl or tub from COOK who enters. They place it by NARA’s feet)

RIP: In this bowl you’ll soak your feet. It’s quite a little treat. For I will give you a bit of this potion while you sit.

NARA: Your sleeping potion! Let me drink it.

RIP: Just a little will be enough to help you sleep without a fuss. Just a drop as a test where your feet rest should be enough for a night.

(RIP puts a drop in the water at her feet)

NARA: I’d be happy with 20 years.

RIP: But is your life so bad, that you’d be glad to miss so much while you’re out of touch?

NARA: I guess not. I mean the sleep thing is terrible, but I guess the rest of my life isn’t so terbadrible.

RIP: You’re a princess of this fair land. Being royalty is quite grand. Be thankful for what you are, and the happiness you’ve enjoyed so far. Think of the good in your life and do not worry about the strife. Worry will only get you down. Think happy thoughts and erase that frown.

NARA: This does feel really good on my feet. It is very relaxing.

(NARA yawns. MIRROR, MOUSE and MOON get quietly excited. MOUSE gets CHAMBERLAIN and COOK during following)

RIP: I missed so much when I slept for 20 years. My family wept and there were so many tears. So sleep a little and don’t go away. Sleep one night and one day. Then you’ll be ready for a brand new way to enjoy life each day. Think of the good and be thankful. Do something to be helpful. Each day think of something you did right. Be thankful before you go to bed at night. Focus on the good you’ve done and the happiness you’ve had. And then your dreams, you’ll always be glad.

(NARA has drifted off to sleep. MOUSE, CHAMBERLAIN and COOK help her on to a mattress and tuck her in)

MIRROR: Good night, Princess.

COOK: Happy dreams.

(CHAMBERLAIN to RIP)

CHAMBERLAIN: Thank you, good sir. The reward is yours.

(CHAMBERLAIN gives golden statue to RIP)

RIP: I’m happy to help.

(End with a SONG such as Sweet and Low Lullaby or I’ll See You In My Dreams [public domain songs])

END OF PLAY


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