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CAST OF CHARACTERS
MABEL - Owner of a music studio who wants to start an all
drummer band and dresses a bit like Madonna
SLUG - Goth type who makes weird sounds and turns makeshift
objects into instruments
HEIDI - Hick/country girl who loves to play the cowbell
BEA - Classically trained musician who dreams of being a rock
(It is 1985. Mabel is the owner of a small music studio. She
is dressed a bit like Madonna)
Hi everyone... this is the studio... the is where the magic
happens... or will happen. Nothing magical yet... except for the scream I did
when I found a rat... over there. I call the scream magical because it
made my nose tingle. Anyway... this is where the next big band is going
to birth itself. And you're a witness to the first moments of it's
life... take it in... take a moment to let the aura ooze over you. Yes...
feel it... yummy. So, I'm a drummer and believe it or not, drummers do
start bands. Rush, the Eagles, Van Halen, Pink Floyd. My idea is an all
percussion rock band. I'll gather all the best drummers in the area and
we'll form a supergroup that will blow everyone away... literally. I need
a good band name... "Blow you away"? "Loud Bangers"? "Screaming
Rats"? I'll figure something out. Where is that rat anyway? He
usually comes out to say hi. We've made friends. Maybe he could be
the band mascot or something. I could get a clear bass drum and he could
run around inside on a little wheel. I think his hearing is damaged
already from all my practicing so I don't think he'll care. He likes the
beat. So you ready to rock?!
Mabel goes to her drum set and plays wildly.
SCENE 2 -
INT. STUDIO. DAY.
Slug is a punk rocker who enters. She sniffs around the
studio and picks up random things, taps on them and makes weird sounds in
reply. Mabel enters excited.
Hey, you here to audition?
Slug makes an odd sound and holds up the audition flyer.
That... is... so... awesome! I totally love that
name... like Sting or the Edge.... Slug... love it!
I hate it. But I'm stuck with it. No one calls me
What's your real name?
I don't remember.
Okay... well... what do you play?
Anything. Everything. I play the world around me.
Oh, cool! You mean like Stomp?
Yeah, I stomp on things. A rat! I'll stomp it!
Slug stomps and there is a squeak. Slug makes a sound
No! That's our mascot.
We're the "Squeaky Sextet"... well that's if I can get that
many band members.
Hate the name... how about the Squeaky Slugs?
Named after you?
When you see me play... you'll be like ready to slug
something. It works.
I'll keep working on a name.
Whatever. You got any food?
I think I gave the last of the pizza to Squeaky.
Slug finds the box of pizza on the floor and grabs it and
plops down on a sofa.
Squeaky left the crust... why does everyone leave the
crust? I love the crust.
Slug starts eating the crust.
END OF SCENE
HEIDI is a redneck/hick looking woman in overalls and is
hitting a steady rhythm on a cowbell. She stops and smiles a big grin.
You gotta love the cowbell. The most underrated but
most loved musical instrument of all time. Sure, I've played more
socially acceptable instruments like the triangle and the bells... I've been
one of the best church bell ringers around... no, not like Quasimodo.
She does a Hunchback ringing a bell imitation.
I'd play them pretty sounding bells in the church bell choir.
She pretends to do pretty bells and makes the sound (or
actually has a couple she plays).
They said I was one of the best. But I was seduced by
the rocking rhythm of the cowbell.
She does some cowbells and dances a bit.
Some of the greatest classic bands of all time used
cowbells. Really! The Beatles, Hendrix, CCR, Zepplin and the Stones
all used cowbell. Cowbell is the power behind some of the most rocking songs of
She starts playing the cowbell during the following:
Feel the rock... feel the rhythm... the feel the power... of
She starts to head bang and lights fade to black.
Lights come up on Heidi and Slug in the studio. Slug is
setting up some weird items that she will play and Heidi watches with curious
excitement. Mabel enters with Bea.
Hey, everyone! I have final band member for our all girl, all drummer band!
Right... the is Bea Stoven.
That's a great stage name.
That's my real name. Bea... Stoven.
Wow, you're parents actually named you Beethoven, after the
What? No, Bea... Bea Stoven.
Yeah, like the dog.
No... like the composer.
You know the song... Roll over Beethoven.
You really need to get out more.
I hate out.
Bea... these are our other band members, Heidi...
Heidi gives Bea a hardy handshakes which Bea seems annoyed by.
I see... how appropriate.
Slug makes a fist and punches her other hand.
Don't make me show you where I got the name.
What brings you here, Bea. What you play?
I always wanted to be in an actual rock band. I was classically trained at some of the best schools in the country. I could have been a percussionist for some of the greatest symphonies in our country, but I decided I wanted to rock and roll.
You've come to the right place.
And I play the xylophone and the cymbals.
You have to get classically trained to play the cymbals?
There is an art to it... I wouldn't expect you to understand.
What's that mean?
Ladies... please... let's not fight... we're drummers...
And we make peace. We're the ones that hold the band
together. We're the harmony and the beat.
You're right noble lead. Show us the way. What
song do you have for us first?
I was thinking we'd improvise, in a jazz sort of way.
Works for me.
Improvise... I don't know...
They never taught you to improvise at them fancy schools of
I have been schooled in a variety of music theory.
Slug and Heidi begin playing. Mabel happily goes to her
drum set and joins in. Bea looks confused and a bit stressed. She
carefully gets out her symbols, looks at the others with a painful look.
Stands with her cymbals waiting for the right moment. She almost plays a
few times. Finally Mabel stops them.
Whoa, whoa... hold a second everyone...
When they stop and it's quiet, Bea smiles and crashes her
Maybe I better rethink this a bit.
It sounded good to me.
HEIDI starts playing again and SLUG joins her as lights fade
Bea looks around the room at all the instruments.
Sometimes you're given everything and it means
nothing. My parents gave me all the lessons, all the support...
everything I needed to succeed as a classically trained musician, but somehow,
I was left feeling empty. I slowly realized what I was doing had nothing
to do with me, but everything to do with them. I spent most of my life
doing things for others, trying to figure out what other people want me to
do. I was always guessing at what might make my parents happy, my friends
happy... I never asked myself, what would make me happy. I was so worried about
people not liking me... and thinking I was selfish. But being selfless can
leave a person feeling less... empty. And without an identity. So I finally got
tired of it all and quit. Quit everything... quit the symphony... quit
the social pressure... quit worrying about what my parents thought of me and
found out who my real friends were. Who could appreciate me for me... not for
what I can do or do for them. And you know I realized after I thought a
little bit about myself? I realized I wanted to be a rock star. I
know... it's crazy, but it's something I can get excited about... it's
something that makes me feel alive. And even if I fail, at least I tried
and at least I was happy. How many people can say they are happier with a
failure than a success?
Heidi is looking at Bea and studying her.
What's the matter? Do I have something on my face? I
hate it when I get food on my face or my makeup smears.
Bea gets out a compact mirror and looks at herself.
That's the problem, Bea. You're too perfect looking.
This is a rock band. No one ever looks good in a rock
band. Neat ain't cool.
What do you mean? The lady who was the lead singer of
Culture Club always looks very nice.
That lady is a dude.
Well, that's the exception. If a dude looks like a
lady, then he can look pretty but women in rock bands ain't supposed to be so
So what do you propose?
Oh yes. We gotta mess up your hair.
But I work so hard on it.
Yes, it's perfect, but perfect is so wrong for a rock star.
I'm not a rock star.
You won't be with that attitude.
Heidi gives Bea big hair and sprays it.
Don't be sorry either. Rock stars are never sorry.
Never sorry. Got it.
Bea's hair looks crazy.
Hair is getting better. Now for makeup...
Could we do something like Kiss? I always thought their
makeup was cool.
Sorry... too 70's. This is the 80's now. I was
thinking less makeup.
Less? Oh no. Now that's scary.
Guys wear makeup... women don't. That's the rules of rock.
What about Madonna?
Yes... what about Madonna? She's not rock and roll.
What? Are you kidding me? She's the best thing out there.
Better than Zeppelin? better than the Stones? Better
than the Beatles?
Slug enters sleepily.
You'll see... she'll be the greatest their ever was.
She'll be yesterday's news and forgotten in a year.
We gonna play some music or what?
You bet. I have some sheet music for you.
I thought the improvising was nice...
But maybe some planning might be in order. After all,
we are breaking new ground.
With Na Na Hey Hey Good-bye?
Let's give it a try.
(If the actors are able to play the song, then they try it out here. If not, then the scene continues)
That's kind of mellow isn't it?
And totally lame.
I like it and Banarama just covered it.
Oh, Banarama... gag me.
Why are you in such a mood? Not enough cow bell in the
song for you?
Can't we do something with a bit more power to it? Like Costello's "Lover's Walk"?
I like the sound of that.
It goes something like this...
(They either play if actors are able or Mabel stops them
No, no. Wait a minute. This is my group and I say we
play Na Na Hey Hey.
I thought this group belonged to all of us.
Either we all get a say in this or we all say "hey hey
I started this band so I'm the leader. Deal wit hit.
I can't work like this. I quit.
I don't know about this, Mabel.
Fine, you quit too.
That isn't what I...
I know you and Heidi are all buddy, buddy. Go with her
too for all I care.
Let's go, Bea.
Bea notices Slug. Slug is crying but trying to hide it.
Slug? Are you okay?
Are you crying?
No, shut up.
Slug is crying.
What's the matter, Slug?
Are you upset because we're fighting?
I don't want to talk about it okay?
Look... I won't quit okay? I'll play "Na na na na."
I hate "na na na na."
So you're crying because of the song.
No, geez. Just drop it okay?
But we're all your friends, Slug. You can talk to us.
Are you my friends? Really?
Of course we are.
But friends don't quit right? They don't walk out on
That's why you're upset. Because we quit.
Everyone's always quitting on me. My whole life... all the
people I get to know... quit. I never do. I'm loyal. I stay. But
they all leave me. Started with my dad... he quit on us when I was little and
my mom quit on me even though she was still around. She quit caring and quit
feeling anything. Everything I tried, every friend I made, quit on me in some
way... I always felt like I failed them... and drove them away. But
here... I finally thought I'd found a place where I could be a part of
something. This time we've been together has been the best days of my
life. Sounds pathetic but it's true. I've never been happier than I've
been playing music with all of you. Coming here each day gives me something to
live for, something to make me drag my lazy carcass out of bed. I feel so alive
here, playing with all of you. And it's more than just living... it's the
fact I found a place in this world. A place where I matter and I fit in. I
didn't feel lost anymore.
Mabel, Heidi and Bea all look at each other sheepishly and
then they look at Slug with smiles.
Hug me and you all die.
What do you say we try something we a beat?
Mabel hands out a new song.
I say... yeah!
Lights fade to black and a song with strong drums plays - or
if the actors are able, they can end the scene with a song.
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