CAST OF CHARACTERS (4-5 actors)
WINNY - social media influencer
PAUL - a guy who likes food and is allergic to unicorns
BOPPY - actor in dog costume
UNICORN - actor in unicorn costume
DRAGON - actor in dragon costume or puppet - can be played by same actor as UNICORN
SCENE: PARK - DAY
(WINNY and PAUL sit on a bench in a park. WINNY is reading something on a tablet or phone. PAUL has some food in a bag and he eats little bits. Their dog BOPPY is in a weird position on the ground in front of them. BOPPY suddenly gets alert and starts looking around. UNICORN appears behind a bush. BOPPY sniffs around. UNICORN sneaks up behind bush as BOPPY heads to bush. PAUL suddenly sneezes. This scares UNICORN and she runs off)
WINNY: Bless you.
PAUL: That was weird. That sneeze came out of nowhere.
WINNY: Where’s Boppy?
PAUL: Hey Boppy!
(BOPPY is behind a bush making sniffy and little barking sounds. PAUL goes up to investigate)
PAUL: What did you find? I hope it’s a skunk again.
WINNY: That was awful.
(BOPPY goes to bench sniffing. PAUL watches but stays by bush. UNICORN sneaks behind bush)
PAUL: Tell me about it. My room still smells like skunk.
WINNY: You sure that’s not just your dirty laundry.
PAUL: Funny.
(PAUL sneezes again. UNICORN runs off)
PAUL: What is going on?
(BOPPY runs back to bush)
WINNY: Are you coming down with something?
PAUL: I don’t feel sick. It’s more like allergies.
WINNY: What are you allergic to?
PAUL: I didn’t think I was allergic to anything.
WINNY: Everyone is allergic to something.
PAUL: Is that so? That a proven medical fact?
WINNY: I read it on the internet.
PAUL: Well, then it must be true if you read it online.
(BOPPY goes crazy when UNICORN tries sneaking by. PAUL turns and bumps into UNICORN. PAUL yelps and sneezes violently and falls down at WINNY’s feet. BOPPY chases UNICORN off stage. WINNY doesn’t look up from her tablet)
WINNY: Bless you.
(PAUL moans. WINNY looks)
WINNY: You okay?
PAUL: Not really.
WINNY: Why’d fall down?
PAUL: You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.
WINNY: Why not?
PAUL: I think I know what’s making me sneeze?
WINNY: What?
PAUL: A unicorn.
WINNY: Did you say unicorn?
PAUL: Yup.
WINNY: There’s no such thing as unicorns.
(WINNY goes back to looking at her phone. BOPPY chases UNICORN across the stage and they both steps on PAUL. PAUL has a sneezing fit and rolls around on the ground)
WINNY: Please stop that. You’re embarrassing yourself.
(PAUL sneezes after each word)
PAUL: Didn’t… you… see… uh…. Uni… uni…
WINNY: What’s Boppy barking at anyway?
PAUL: Uh… uh… uni… uni…
WINNY: Oh, now Boppy is seeing unicorns too.
(BOPPY returns and plops down on PAUL)
PAUL: Get off.
(PAUL struggles to get BOPPY off)
WINNY: Did you get that mean old unicorn, Boppy?
(BOPPY shakes head excitedly)
WINNY: Good dog. See, Paul. Boppy got it. You’re safe now.
(UNICORN sneaks up behind bush again. BOPPY sniffs)
PAUL: Oh, no. It’s back. Check the bush! Check the bush!
(UNICORN sneaks away)
WINNY: If there’s a skunk there, you’re so dead.
PAUL: Go look. Quick.
(WINNY sighs and goes over to bush. BOPPY follows)
WINNY: Ah! It got me!
(WINNY falls behind bush. BOPPY barks and growls)
PAUL: Winny!
WINNY: What?
(WINNY comes out laughing)
PAUL: You okay?
WINNY: Yup.
PAUL: Did you see it?
WINNY: Nope.
PAUL: I must be going crazy.
WINNY: Definitely.
(They go back to their original positions at the start of the play: WINNY on her phone, PAUL with his bag of food and BOPPY in a weird position on the ground)
PAUL: I’m always randomly sneezing. I wonder if it is unicorns that cause that?
WINNY: Sure, Paul. That seems possible. I suspect that there is an invisible unicorn around every time you sneeze.
(PAUL mumbles annoyed)
PAUL: They’re not always invisible.
(UNICORN sneaks up and steals WINNY’s phone. PAUL sneezes. BOPPY has fallen asleep and doesn’t react. UNICORN runs off)
WINNY: My phone?! It took my phone.
PAUL: What took your phone?
WINNY: Didn’t you see it?
PAUL: Say it.
WINNY: I don’t want to.
PAUL: Tell me what took your phone.
WINNY: It was…
PAUL: Yes?
WINNY: A unicorn.
PAUL: I knew it.
WINNY: Why did it take my phone? Boppy!
(BOPPY wakes up startled)
WINNY: Go get that unicorn!
(BOPPY goes sniffing around. UNICORN is hiding behind bush)
PAUL: I can’t believe we saw a real unicorn.
WINNY: Are their real unicorns? I thought they were made up. I wish I had my phone so I could look that up.
PAUL: I think it’s safe to say that this is unusual.
(BOPPY finds UNICORN behind bush)
WINNY: Boppy found the unicorn! Get my phone!
PAUL: You get it. I can’t go near it. I’ll sneeze myself to death.
WINNY: I don’t think anyone has ever died from a sneeze attack.
PAUL: How can you know for sure without your phone?
WINNY: Give me my phone back, unicorn!
(BOPPY drags UNICORN out.PAUL backs away. UNICORN holds up phone. WINNY grabs it)
WINNY: Good Boppy. Bad Unicorn.
(BOPPY is excited. UNICORN is sad)
PAUL: You made it sad.
WINNY: Me? It’s the one that took my phone.
PAUL: Maybe it needed to call home.
(UNICORN nods sadly)
PAUL: See.
(WINNY sighs and changes her tone)
WINNY: Are you lost, little unicorn?
(UNICORN nods sadly)
WINNY: Did you just need to call home?
(UNICORN nods sadly)
WINNY: Okay, here you go. You can make a call.
(UNICORN grabs phone and runs off happily)
WINNY: It took my phone again! Go get it Boppy!
(BOPPY runs after UNICORN. UNICORN and BOPPY run back and forth across the stage. PAUL sneezes every time they run by)
WINNY: Get it! Get it!
(PAUL is on the ground, sniffling and coughing and moaning. WINNY is upset)
PAUL: I think I’m going to die.
WINNY: This is terrible.
PAUL: I know.
WINNY: Not you! My phone! My phone is gone! What am I going to do?
(WINNY sits on the bench with her arms crossed, pouting. PAUL struggles over the bench and overdramatically pulls himself next to her)
PAUL: I’m sorry you lost your phone.
WINNY: It’s about time you showed a little compassion and caring.
PAUL: I’m so sorry.
(PAUL falls to the ground and passes out. BOPPY returns and lays on him)
WINNY: I haven’t posted anything for like… a long time… what will my followers think. Maybe they think I’m dead. What if they think I’m dead and stop following me? My life is ruined.
(WINNY starts crying. UNICORN enters concerned. WINNY cries louder. UNICORN goes up to her and holds out her phone. WINNY squeals in delight and snatched back her phone. UNICORN starts to go sadly)
WINNY: Come here, you.
(UNICORN comes back happily. WINNY does a selfie with the UNICORN)
WINNY: This photo will go viral. Do you know how to dance? We totally need to do a dance off.
(BOPPY wakes up and barks, scares UNICORN and UNICORN runs off)
WINNY: Why’d you do that?!
(BOPPY looks confused. PAUL wakes up. WINNY sits on the bench and gets on her phone. PAUL crawls back up onto the bench. BOPPY gets food back. PAUL shares something and BOPPY buries it and then goes back into a weird position on the ground. WINNY, PAUL and BOPPY are back to their original positions around the bench)
WINNY: I wonder what I’m allergic too.
(A DRAGON appears from behind the bush and laughs evilly)
END OF PLAY
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