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TOUCHED BY AN ALIEN

by D. M. Larson

Copyright (c) 2011


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Touched by An Alien  EXT. STRANGE PLANET. DAY.

CAST: 4 space explorers and 1+ aliens (any gender) with possible extras by adding more aliens and space explorers

A couple of space explorers, Captain and Commander, are sitting relaxed among the rocks looking at their electronic devices taking and recording readings.  A couple of other space explorers, Cadet and Grunt, run past behind them yelling/screaming being chased by strange aliens. Captain and Commander look at each other and shrug.  Aliens run back across with Grunt and Cadet chasing them.

CAPTAIN

Care for some tea, Commander?

COMMANDER

Why yes, Captain.  That would be lovely.

Captain pours Commander some tea.  Alien runs by and knocks it from the Captain's hand and leaves.  Cadet and Grunt chase alien.

CAPTAIN

How rude.

COMMANDER

I vote for sub-intelligent life forms.

CAPTAIN

Noted.  They do appear to be quite savage.

Grunt and Cadet bring in one of the aliens they've captured.

CADET

Yee-haw! We got one! 

GRUNT

On your knees, maggot!

Grunt forces alien on to its knees in front of the Commander and Captain.  Commander waves a device in front of it.

COMMANDER

Scanning... imaging... OH!

CAPTAIN

What is it?

COMMANDER

Special alert from the Inter-galactic shopping network.  That new phase scanner is 50% off this week.

Explorers gather around Commander.  Alien sneaks off during following.

CAPTAIN

Buy it!  Buy it!

COMMANDER

I love this new app.  Makes purchasing so much easier.  The deals I'm finding are amazing.

CAPTAIN

Uh... which one of you was watching the alien?

Cadet and Grunt look at each other.  Grunt punches Cadet.

CADET

Ow!

GRUNT

Get moving!

CADET

I'm an officer.  You're supposed to listen to me.

GRUNT

You're like 12.  How did you get in officer training?

CADET

I was on this colony ship and impressed one of the Space Explorers with my incredible intelligence.

CAPTAIN

And it doesn't hurt that your father is an Admiral.

Commander laughs.

GRUNT

Move it!

CADET

I'm so reporting you.

Cadet and Grunt run after alien.

COMMANDER

Commander's vlog... Spacedate Niner-Ought-Ocho-Alpha...

CAPTAIN

You so have something in your teeth.

COMMANDER

Thanks.

Commander uses video screen to check teeth.

CAPTAIN

I think you're still recording.  Streaming live.

COMMANDER

Great.

CAPTAIN

Think we can get those aliens to sign the Galaxy Confederation Charter?

COMMANDER

I have ways of making that happen.

CAPTAIN

Promise me you won't chop off one of their hands again.  That was so gross.

COMMANDER

Worked didn't it?  Hand print signature was a sure thing after that.

CAPTAIN

But you got alien goo all over the WeePad.  It still doesn't work right.

COMMANDER

Fine. Do it the hard way.

Cadet and Grunt drag in an alien (can be the same or different one).

CAPTAIN

Hello, good alien.  Please sit.

Grunt forces alien down.

CAPTAIN (CONT.)

Care for some tea?

COMMANDER

This is going to take forever.

GRUNT

Want me to do the hand thing?

Grunt pulls out a huge knife and holds up alien's hand.

COMMANDER

The captain here doesn't like that.

CADET

That's against our Galactic Confederation Code!

Grunt laughs and puts knife away.

GRUNT

We're a long way from the GCC, Cadet.

Cadet points proudly to a badge on uniform.

CADET

Where-ever you see this badge, the GCC is the law and I shall...

Grunt grabs the badge off Cadet's uniform and tosses it away as far as possible.

CADET (CONT.)

Hey!

Cadet goes after it.

CAPTAIN

So, my friend.  What kind of tea do you like?  I can generate any number of flavors.

GRUNT

Make it extra hot.

CAPTAIN

No torture. 

GRUNT

Commander?

COMMANDER

Listen to the Captain.

GRUNT

I'm so transferring after this mission.

CAPTAIN

So savage.  I know none of this means anything to you but I simply need your handprint.  It says you agree to the GCC and your planet and all the resources here will belong to us.  In return, we give you this shiny new GCC badge!  Each one is uniquely engraved with an unduplicated number and a holographic image of our supreme leader.

Captain holds out badge to alien.

CAPTAIN (CONT.)

It's shiney.

Alien slowly takes and looks at it.

CAPTAIN (CONT.)

Pretty.

Alien throws it at Captain.

CAPTAIN (CONT.)

My eye!  It hit me in the eye!

Grunt is laughing.  Commander grabs the alien's hand and sticks its hand print on to the WeePad.

COMMANDER

Done.  Let it go.

GRUNT

No souvenirs?

COMMANDER

Gross.  No.

Grunt let's go of alien but it doesn't run.  Alien goes up to Captain who is still crumbled over.  It touches the Captain's wound.  Captain flinches.  The alien spits on it's own hand and then touches the hand to the Captain's eye.

CAPTAIN

Hey!  Oh... that feels good.

Alien pulls away and Captain's eye is okay.  Captain looks in amazement.

CAPTAIN (CONT.)

Thank you.

Alien walks away. 

COMMANDER

That was different.

CAPTAIN

Quite.

COMMANDER

I think your eye is a slightly different color now.

CAPTAIN

I can see better too.

COMMANDER

This requires further study.

CAPTAIN

We'll report to the GCC and get authorized for a return voyage.

COMMANDER

To the shuttle?

CAPTAIN

To the shuttle.

GRUNT

Totally asking for a transfer.  I didn't get to kill anything.

They exit and a rocket blast is heard.  After a few moments Cadet returns.

CADET

Where did everybody go?

END OF SCRIPT











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