by D. M. Larson
Cast of Characters (1 female and 2 males)
LO: A woman in search of something.
KENT: A local citizen of Metropolis.
SIMON: A local store owner.
METROPOLIS MAN SCENE 1
Lo is standing by a Superman statue and/or Superman mural
looking around at the surrounding town. Actors and even dogs in Superman
costumes can walk through the scene to start the show if extras are
available. She has a camera and takes random pictures from weird
angles. Kent is about the only person not wearing something related to
Superman and has been watching Lo. When she sits at a bench near the
statue, she appears sad and stressed. Kent moves in.
Kent: Can I help you? You look a bit lost.
Lo: Is this Metropolis?
Kent: The one and only.
Lois: I imagined something much bigger.
Kent: Everyone does.
Lois: Looks more like Smallville.
Kent: Superman fan?
Lo: Not really.
Kent: That is a first. I bet you are the first person to
visit this town who isn't a fan.
Lo: No other reason to come here?
Lo: So is Superman really from here?
Kent: So they say... Never met him.. Well maybe I have.. Met
a lot of guys dressed like him... But none of them raced bullets or trains. And
nobody flew here. We don't have an airport.
Lo: Huh? Oh... Joke. (Does a courtesy laugh but
it's not convincing)
Kent: My name's Kent by the way.
Lo: Kent? As in Clark Kent?
Kent: If you are a male and born in this town, there is a
good chance you're named Clark or Kent.
Lo: Oh dear... That has to be weird in school.
Kent: Kal is gaining in popularity though.
Kent: For Kal-El... Superman's real name.
Lo: Is it required in this town to know all Superman facts or
are you just a nerd?
Kent: You can't help know this stuff here.. It's
everywhere... Menu items, street names, constant puns in the newspaper...
Kent: Not really... It's kind of nice to have something that
makes our town unique. Something special to call our own... DC comics
even made it official on January 21, 1972. (he notices she isn't really
listening and smiles) Boring you?
Lo: Kind of.
Kent: Can I ask your name?
Lo: People call me Lo.
Kent: Lo? Short for Lois?
Lo: Nope... That would too weird... although better than my
real name... Lola.
Kent: It's a nice name.
Lo: If you say so.
Kent: So you're ok then? Need directions or anything?
Lo: This is where is I going.
Kent: But you're not a fan?
Lo: You bug all the tourists like this?
Kent: That's what we do in Metropolis... Bug tourists... Have
to make sure that you're not some villain in disguise out to get Superman...
(Lo looks away annoyed) Still not funny... I can take a hint... Have a good
visit. (he slowly goes hoping she will stop him)
Lo: Sorry... I didn't mean to be a pain.
(Kent returns happily)
Kent: You've been traveling... That makes people tired.
Lo: I feel like an idiot.
Kent: Why? A lot of people think Metropolis should be
bigger... In fact our founding fathers thought our town would be a city one day
being situated on a major river near the junction of four states...
Lo: Enough history okay?
Kent: Sorry... got it... Back to you... Where were we?
Kent: That's right. I'm listening.
Kent: Anytime... So why you feeling bad?
Lo: I came here because of a dream.
Lo: I had this dream about Metropolis... It was more like a
city but this statue... It's exactly the same.
Kent: You ever see pictures?
Kent: Wild... So why come see it?
Lo: Because of something that happened in my dream...
Something that happened at this statue that was pretty wonderful.
Something I'd really like more than anything.
Lo: It will sound dumb.
Kent: Go ahead. You can tell me.
Lo: I fell in love.
Kent: Really? Under a Superman statue?
Lo: Under this statue.
Kent: You get a good look at the guy?
Lo: He had on a superman shirt.
Kent: Plenty of those around here.. I have one... Didn't wear
it today though... I can go put it on.
Lo: Slow down there, Flash... I don't think you're the guy.
Lo: It can't be the first guy I run in to... That's too
lucky... Sorry to hurt your feelings but I don't feel it. The
chemistry. The dream had a whole lot of chemistry. And an
explosion. (she gets lost in thought)
Kent: No worries. Maybe I can help. Tell me more about the
dream. Maybe I know the guy.
Lo: Not much more that I remember. Oh wait. He
had on glasses too.
Kent: Glasses and Superman shirt. Anything else?
Lo: The other thing about the dream that was really odd was
that I felt the urge to cash in my life savings too... Something told me I'd
need it for this trip.
Kent: Your entire life savings. Is there... in your
Lo: Everything I have is right here.
(They are quiet a minute. Kent is looking at her and she
looks away shyly. Suddenly Kent grabs the purse and runs. Lo jumps up in
Lo (cont.): Hey! Wait a minute! Wh... what?! No!
This isn't right! I come to your stupid town and the first thing that
happens is that I'm mugged? First guy I meet and he's a con man.
Kent the con man. Ah! Why am I so stupid? Don't talk to
strangers. (Yells at statue) Isn't that what you teach this kids,
Superman? Well, I blew it. Blabbed to some random dude and he mugs
me. Why did I follow a dream? I am an idiot. A stupid, dumb
(she plops down on a bench)
I'm always a victim. There's not enough heroes in this
world. Not enough Supermans. Sure, there's bunches of you parading
around in costumes, but there's not many real men of steel. Not any willing to
take a bullet for me.
(she jumps up again)
And you know what?! My life savings was 50 bucks!
How's that for irony? And my credit cards are maxed out! Ha!
Jokes on you!
(plops down on bench again)
I just want my lucky key chain back.
(Simon, a guy in glasses and a zip up jacket, enters with her
Simon: Is this your purse?
(Lo is so stunned she doesn't know what to say)
Simon: I didn't mean to go through your purse but I needed to
find an ID or something. I found your driver's license. It looks a
bit like you... but you're... you're prettier in person.
Lo: Thank you!
(she runs up and hugs him)
Simon: Tough day?
(she lets go of him and nods)
Lo: Very... how did you find it?
Simon: I tripped the guy who was running away with it.
Lo: You did?
Simon: Kind of an accident. I'm a bit of a klutz.
But I wouldn't give it back once I got it. I've known Kent for a long
time and when you see him at a purse, you know he's not headed to a superhero
Simon (cont.): You have a nice laugh.
Lo: I hate my laugh. I snort.
Simon: It's cute.
Lo: So, you from around here?
Simon: Kind of. I work at the SuperMuseum. I
wasn't born here but I lived here for a while. I stumbled on this little
town and fell in love with it. I kept coming back until I didn't leave
Lo: Something just kind of drew you here.
Simon: Give me Metropolis over Chicago any day.
Lo: Chicago sucks.
Simon: And blows.
Simon (cont.): Want me to show you around?
Lo: Sure. I'd like that.
(She takes his arm)
Simon: We'll do the walking tour. I left my cape at
Lo: You wouldn't happen to have on a Superman t-shirt would
(He unzips his jacket and shows her)
Simon: I do. Why?
Lo: No reason.
(She has a big smile, takes his arm again and they exit
happily ever after)
END OF SCRIPT
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"GUARDIANS OF THE WALLET" by D. M. Larson
An ambulance is coming for you now. And the policy will cover that ride so you're in luck.
(Ralph waves good-bye and watches person go)
He's lucky. Most people wait until it's too late. Last minute is always better than never. Sometimes I think I should set up my office in the lobby of the hospital emergency room. I could probably sign up half the room as they are waiting... what else are they going to do while they wait for help? Come on. What's the number one thing on their minds? They worry about how they'll pay for the hospital. That's where I come in. I kind of see myself as a hero... swooping in to save the day... can't pay your medical bill? Let me do it for you. I know no one sees an insurance salesman as a hero but we really are. You know how much that heart attack would have cost him without me? You know how much a car accident would cost without insurance? We're not the bad guys... we're your knight in shining armor, protecting you from going bankrupt. We are the guardians of the wallet. Don't let them suck you dry. Insurance will protect you... save you... rescue you... and that's what I wanted to always do with my life. Be a hero.
END OF MONOLOGUE
**** “The Cynical Professor” a monologue by D. M. Larson
Okay class. I know you hate classes that are required for your degree so I am going to try and make this as painless as possible.
Because you're taking a lot of loans, using a lot of credit and building up some serious debt to be here, I don't want this class to be any more difficult than it needs to be. I mean you are going to be paying off these loans for the next 20 or 30 years. It's like you're taking out a mortgage and buying a house. And who can afford a house mortgage anymore when you have all these loans, credit and debts piling up just so you can get a degree in Egyptology or Greek mythology?
That brings me to lesson number one in your Freshman Orientation class. You want to make all your loans worthwhile? You want to be able to pay off your credit card debt when you graduate? Then become a lawyer.
Come on... What's with the moans and growns? Being an attorney can be great. Are you a tree hugger and love the Earth? Be an environmental lawyer. Are you into women's rights? There's a attorney for that. Want to help people who are defaulting on their mortgage and losing their homes or being crushed by credit card debt? There are lawyers for that too. Lawyers make a difference. Lawyers change things. Call an attorney if you want to get things done.
Law not for you? You could play the stock market and do some day trading. Or you could be a software designer. Maybe be an engineer and figure out new ways to get us the limitless electricity that we demand or come up with alternate fuels so we no longer need gas in our cars. You can still help the world without picking a degree that will drown you in debt that you can never pay back.
If you want to study a dead language or some mythological beast, go hang out in the library or watch the History Channel, but don't run up thousands of dollars in loans to study something that won't pay the bills. A Egyptologist is not going to change the world, but an attorney just might have the power to right some wrong.
Gandhi was a lawyer. So was Abraham Lincoln. And Nelson Mandela. These are great people that left their mark on history and transformed nations. I'm not telling you to transfer out of your history classes. History has wonderful lessons for us. I'm telling you not to major in it. Learn from history but then USE what you learned. Go out there and change things. And who better to change things than someone who understands how the system works than a lawyer.
Those of you that agree with me will go declare their majors - pre-law, engineering or economics. Those of you that don't, head on over to the library and write me a 10,000 word report on why your major is so awesome and a plan how you are going to pay off all that debt.
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