Humpty Dumpty Private Egg Hard-Boiled Detective
by D. M. Larson
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Dumpty Private Egg Hard-boiled detective (Adapted from the full length play "Holka Polka" ISBN-13: 978-1502445490)
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It was a dark and stormy night in fairyland. A night just perfect for witches. With fairy godmother in the clink, I began to wonder if we were ready for a world turned topsy-turvy. Sweet witches and friendly wolves. Wise wizards and princesses with pig noses. It's a world gone mad but somehow things are looking sunny-side up and we may find some kind of happily ever after in fairytale land.
I was about to call it a day because I had this over easy
feeling coming over me... when she rolled in. She had the figure of a fortress
and the countenance of a cobra. She was the goddaughter; the witchiest woman
west of Walla Walla.
I wondered if this was some kind of yolk. I had already cracked the case of the sleeping prince. Fairy godmother was left with egg on her face. The sleeping spell was only the Easter coloring on a much more rotten egg. She had bigger eggs to fry. And the corruption nearly broke fairytale land apart. Thankfully they had me to put it back together again.
I could continue walking on eggshells around her like everyone else or I could put all my eggs in one basket and say it straight. I knew she was trouble and I told her so. I told her she was like one of those riddles that scramble your brains like, "what came first, the chicken or the egg?"
I told her to beat it unless she wanted to have a talk with all the King's horses and all the King's men.
But then her eyes teared up and I was speechless because I'd never seen this cool egg crack before. Hey, I've got feelings. I'm a bit soft-boiled around the dames. And this dame needed help. And help is what I do, because I'm
Humpty Dumpty, Private Egg. Hard-boiled detective.
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