free solo stage play script monologue


MUSIC MAYBE
(Female Version)

by D. M. Larson


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Available on Amazon.com

ISBN-13: 978-1519120106


CAST OF CHARACTERS (4 Females)

MABEL - Owner of a music studio who wants to start an all drummer band and dresses a bit like Madonna

SLUG - Goth type who makes weird sounds and turns makeshift objects into instruments

HEIDI - Hick/country girl who loves to play the cowbell

BEA - Classically trained musician who dreams of being a rock star.


MUSIC MAYBE
by D. M. Larson
FEMALE VERSION

SCENE 1

(It is 1985. Mabel is the owner of a small music studio. She is dressed a bit like Madonna)

Mabel

Hi everyone... this is the studio... the is where the magic happens... or will happen. Nothing magical yet... except for the scream I did when I found a rat... over there.  I call the scream magical because it made my nose tingle.  Anyway... this is where the next big band is going to birth itself.  And you're a witness to the first moments of it's life... take it in... take a moment to let the aura ooze over you.  Yes... feel it... yummy.  So, I'm a drummer and believe it or not, drummers do start bands. Rush, the Eagles, Van Halen, Pink Floyd.  My idea is an all percussion rock band.  I'll gather all the best drummers in the area and we'll form a supergroup that will blow everyone away... literally.  I need a good band name... "Blow you away"?  "Loud Bangers"?  "Screaming Rats"? I'll figure something out.  Where is that rat anyway?  He usually comes out to say hi.  We've made friends.  Maybe he could be the band mascot or something.  I could get a clear bass drum and he could run around inside on a little wheel.  I think his hearing is damaged already from all my practicing so I don't think he'll care.  He likes the beat.  So you ready to rock?!

Mabel goes to her drum set and plays wildly.

SCENE 2 - INT. STUDIO. DAY.

Slug is a punk rocker who enters.  She sniffs around the studio and picks up random things, taps on them and makes weird sounds in reply.  Mabel enters excited.

MABEL

Hey, you here to audition?

Slug makes an odd sound and holds up the audition flyer.

SLUG

Name's Slug.

MABEL

That... is... so... awesome!  I totally love that name... like Sting or the Edge.... Slug... love it!

SLUG

I hate it.  But I'm stuck with it.  No one calls me anything else.

MABEL

What's your real name?

SLUG

I don't remember.

MABEL

Okay... well... what do you play?

SLUG

Anything. Everything. I play the world around me.

MABEL

Oh, cool!  You mean like Stomp?

SLUG

Yeah, I stomp on things.  A rat!  I'll stomp it!

Slug stomps and there is a squeak.  Slug makes a sound back.

MABEL

No!  That's our mascot. 

SLUG

A rat?

MABEL

We're the "Squeaky Sextet"... well that's if I can get that many band members.

SLUG

Hate the name... how about the Squeaky Slugs?

MABEL

Named after you?

SLUG

When you see me play... you'll be like ready to slug something.  It works.

MABEL

I'll keep working on a name.

SLUG

Whatever.  You got any food?

MABEL

I think I gave the last of the pizza to Squeaky.

Slug finds the box of pizza on the floor and grabs it and plops down on a sofa.

SLUG

Squeaky left the crust... why does everyone leave the crust?  I love the crust.

Slug starts eating the crust.

END OF SCENE






SCENE 3

HEIDI is a redneck/hick looking woman in overalls and is hitting a steady rhythm on a cowbell.  She stops and smiles a big grin.

HEIDI

You gotta love the cowbell.  The most underrated but most loved musical instrument of all time.  Sure, I've played more socially acceptable instruments like the triangle and the bells... I've been one of the best church bell ringers around... no, not like Quasimodo.

She does a Hunchback ringing a bell imitation.

HEIDI (COnT.)

I'd play them pretty sounding bells in the church bell choir.

She pretends to do pretty bells and makes the sound (or actually has a couple she plays).

HEIDI (CONT.)

They said I was one of the best.  But I was seduced by the rocking rhythm of the cowbell. 

She does some cowbells and dances a bit.

HEIDI (CONT.)

Some of the greatest classic bands of all time used cowbells.  Really!  The Beatles, Hendrix, CCR, Zepplin and the Stones all used cowbell. Cowbell is the power behind some of the most rocking songs of all time.

She starts playing the cowbell during the following:

HEIDI (CONT.)

Feel the rock... feel the rhythm... the feel the power... of the cowbell.

She starts to head bang and lights fade to black.

SCENE 4

Lights come up on Heidi and Slug in the studio.  Slug is setting up some weird items that she will play and Heidi watches with curious excitement.  Mabel enters with Bea.

MABEL

Hey, everyone! I have final band member for our all girl, all drummer band!

BEA

All woman.

HEIDI

All percussion.

MABEL

Right... the is Bea Stoven.

SLUG

Beethoven! 

HEIDI

That's a great stage name.

BEA

That's my real name.  Bea... Stoven.

SLUG

Wow, you're parents actually named you Beethoven, after the dog?

Bea

What?  No, Bea... Bea Stoven. 

SLUG

Yeah, like the dog.

BEA

No... like the composer.

SLUG

What?

HEIDI

You know the song... Roll over Beethoven.

SLUG

Oh... no.

HEIDI

You really need to get out more.

SLUG

I hate out.

MABEL

Bea... these are our other band members, Heidi...

HEIDI

Howdy!

Heidi gives Bea a hardy handshakes which Bea seems annoyed by.

MABEL

And Slug.

Bea

I see... how appropriate.

Slug makes a fist and punches her other hand.

SLUG

Don't make me show you where I got the name.

HEIDI

What brings you here, Bea.  What you play?

BEA

I always wanted to be in an actual rock band.  I was classically trained at some of the best schools in the country.  I could have been a percussionist for some of the greatest symphonies in our country, but I decided I wanted to rock and roll.

MABEL

You've come to the right place.

BEA

And I play the xylophone and the cymbals.

SLUG

You have to get classically trained to play the cymbals?

BEA

There is an art to it... I wouldn't expect you to understand.

SLUG

What's that mean?

MABEL

Ladies... please... let's not fight... we're drummers...

BEA

Percussionists...

MABEL

And we make peace.  We're the ones that hold the band together.  We're the harmony and the beat.

BEA

You're right noble lead.  Show us the way.  What song do you have for us first?

MABEL

I was thinking we'd improvise, in a jazz sort of way.

HEIDI

Works for me.

BEA

Improvise... I don't know...

SLUG

They never taught you to improvise at them fancy schools of yours?

BEA

I have been schooled in a variety of music theory.

SLUG

Then improvise.

Slug and Heidi begin playing.  Mabel happily goes to her drum set and joins in.  Bea looks confused and a bit stressed.  She carefully gets out her symbols, looks at the others with a painful look.  Stands with her cymbals waiting for the right moment.  She almost plays a few times.  Finally Mabel stops them.

MABEL

Whoa, whoa... hold a second everyone...

When they stop and it's quiet, Bea smiles and crashes her cymbals together.

MABEL (CONT.)

Maybe I better rethink this a bit.

HEIDI

It sounded good to me.

HEIDI starts playing again and SLUG joins her as lights fade to black.

SCENE 5

Bea looks around the room at all the instruments.

BEA

Sometimes you're given everything and it means nothing.  My parents gave me all the lessons, all the support... everything I needed to succeed as a classically trained musician, but somehow, I was left feeling empty.  I slowly realized what I was doing had nothing to do with me, but everything to do with them.  I spent most of my life doing things for others, trying to figure out what other people want me to do.  I was always guessing at what might make my parents happy, my friends happy... I never asked myself, what would make me happy. I was so worried about people not liking me... and thinking I was selfish. But being selfless can leave a person feeling less... empty. And without an identity. So I finally got tired of it all and quit.  Quit everything... quit the symphony... quit the social pressure... quit worrying about what my parents thought of me and found out who my real friends were. Who could appreciate me for me... not for what I can do or do for them.  And you know I realized after I thought a little bit about myself?  I realized I wanted to be a rock star.  I know... it's crazy, but it's something I can get excited about... it's something that makes me feel alive.  And even if I fail, at least I tried and at least I was happy.  How many people can say they are happier with a failure than a success?

Scene 6

Heidi is looking at Bea and studying her. 

BEA

What's the matter? Do I have something on my face?  I hate it when I get food on my face or my makeup smears.

Bea gets out a compact mirror and looks at herself.

HEIDI

That's the problem, Bea. You're too perfect looking.

BEA

What?

HEIDI

This is a rock band.  No one ever looks good in a rock band. Neat ain't cool.

BEA

What do you mean?  The lady who was the lead singer of Culture Club always looks very nice.

HEIDI

That lady is a dude.

BEA

Oh.

HEIDI

Well, that's the exception.  If a dude looks like a lady, then he can look pretty but women in rock bands ain't supposed to be so pretty.

BEA

So what do you propose?

HEIDI

Makeover!

BEA

Oh no.

HEIDI

Oh yes.  We gotta mess up your hair.

BEA

But I work so hard on it.

HEIDI

Yes, it's perfect, but perfect is so wrong for a rock star.

BEA

I'm not a rock star.

HEIDI

You won't be with that attitude.

Heidi gives Bea big hair and sprays it.

BEA

Sorry.

HEIDI

Don't be sorry either.  Rock stars are never sorry.

BEA

Never sorry.  Got it.

Bea's hair looks crazy.

HEIDI

Hair is getting better.  Now for makeup...

BEA

Could we do something like Kiss?  I always thought their makeup was cool.

HEIDI

Sorry... too 70's.  This is the 80's now.  I was thinking less makeup.

BEA

Less? Oh no. Now that's scary.

Mabel enters.

HEIDI

Guys wear makeup... women don't.  That's the rules of rock.

MABEL

What about Madonna?

HEIDI

Yes... what about Madonna?  She's not rock and roll.

MABEL

What? Are you kidding me? She's the best thing out there.

HEIDI

Better than Zeppelin? better than the Stones?  Better than the Beatles?

Slug enters sleepily.

MABEL

You'll see... she'll be the greatest their ever was.

HEIDI

She'll be yesterday's news and forgotten in a year.

SLUG

We gonna play some music or what?

MABEL

You bet. I have some sheet music for you.

SLUG

Sheet music?

MABEL

I thought the improvising was nice...

HEIDI

Nice?

MABEL

But maybe some planning might be in order.  After all, we are breaking new ground.

SLUG

With Na Na Hey Hey Good-bye?

MABEL

Let's give it a try.

(If the actors are able to play the song, then they try it out here.  If not, then the scene continues)

BEA

That's kind of mellow isn't it? 

HEIDI

And totally lame.

MABEL

I like it and Banarama just covered it.

HEIDI

Oh, Banarama... gag me.

MABEL

Why are you in such a mood?  Not enough cow bell in the song for you?

HEIDI

Can't we do something with a bit more power to it?  Like Costello's "Lover's Walk"?

BEA

I like the sound of that.

HEIDI

It goes something like this...

(They either play if actors are able or Mabel stops them right away)

MABEL

No, no. Wait a minute.  This is my group and I say we play Na Na Hey Hey.

BEA

I thought this group belonged to all of us.

HEIDI

Either we all get a say in this or we all say "hey hey good-bye".

MABEL

I started this band so I'm the leader.  Deal wit hit.

HEIDI

I can't work like this. I quit.

MABEL

Fine.

BEA

I don't know about this, Mabel.

MABEL

Fine, you quit too.

BEA

That isn't what I...

MABEL

I know you and Heidi are all buddy, buddy.  Go with her too for all I care.

HEIDI

Let's go, Bea.

Bea notices Slug. Slug is crying but trying to hide it.

BEA

Slug?  Are you okay?

SLUG

Yeah, whatever.

BEA

Are you crying?

SLUG

No, shut up.

HEIDI

Slug is crying.

MABEL

What's the matter, Slug?

SLUG

Nothing.

MABEL

Are you upset because we're fighting?

SLUG

I don't want to talk about it okay?

HEIDI

Look... I won't quit okay?  I'll play "Na na na na."

SLUG

I hate "na na na na."

MABEL

So you're crying because of the song.

SLUG

No, geez.  Just drop it okay?

BEA

But we're all your friends, Slug. You can talk to us.

SLUG

Are you my friends?  Really?

HEIDI

Of course we are.

SLUG

But friends don't quit right?  They don't walk out on you.

BEA

That's why you're upset. Because we quit.

SLUG

Everyone's always quitting on me. My whole life... all the people I get to know... quit.  I never do. I'm loyal. I stay.  But they all leave me. Started with my dad... he quit on us when I was little and my mom quit on me even though she was still around. She quit caring and quit feeling anything. Everything I tried, every friend I made, quit on me in some way... I always felt like I failed them... and drove them away.  But here... I finally thought I'd found a place where I could be a part of something.  This time we've been together has been the best days of my life. Sounds pathetic but it's true.  I've never been happier than I've been playing music with all of you.  Coming here each day gives me something to live for, something to make me drag my lazy carcass out of bed. I feel so alive here, playing with all of you.  And it's more than just living... it's the fact I found a place in this world. A place where I matter and I fit in. I didn't feel lost anymore.

Mabel, Heidi and Bea all look at each other sheepishly and then they look at Slug with smiles.

SLUG

Hug me and you all die.

MABEL

What do you say we try something we a beat?

Mabel hands out a new song.

HEIDI

I say... yeah!

BEA

Let's rock!

SLUG

And roll!

Lights fade to black and a song with strong drums plays - or if the actors are able, they can end the scene with a song.



END






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