Nukes Make Me Puke
Short Comedy Skit by D. M. Larson

"Nukes Make Me Puke"

is a short scene for two female actors

which is a selection from the play "The Romanian Uranium Mystery"

by D. M. Larson

REDHEART: (Has a sign that says Go Home Count) Nukes make me Puke! Nukes make me Puke! (Buffy enters and gives her a dirty look) I'm here to protest the arrival of another one of the destroyers of the land coming to rip Uranium out of our precious Mother Earth.

BUFFY: (has a sign that says Welcome Count) Overdramatic as usual, aren't we Juliet?

REDHEART: And I see you're as heartless as ever, Buffy.

BUFFY: Why don't you go away before I call the police?

REDHEART: I have every right to be here.

BUFFY: And I have every right to smack you up side the head.

REDHEART: I'd like to see you try.

BUFFY: (Gets ready to fight) I've wanted to do this ever since high school.

REDHEART: (Gets ready to fight back) I haven't wanted to do this so bad since high school.

BUFFY: I'll punch you right in your brainy, nerdy little nose.

REDHEART: I'll kick your big washed up cheerleader butt.

BUFFY: Geek!

REDHEART: Airhead!

(They start hitting each other with their signs)

REDHEART: It's the Count!

BUFFY: (Suddenly gushes with friendliness) Oh, County. It's so wonderful that you've made it. (to Redheart) Beat it, hippy.

REDHEART: I'm not leaving until I am heard!

BUFFY: The only thing we want to hear is the sound of you leaving.

REDHEART: Now, look, you two-bit Vanna White wannabe.

BUFFY: You Jane Fonda freak!

REDHEART: I will go if you agree to read my pamphlet on why Uranium mining is harmful to every person, place and thing on this Earth.

BUFFY: Fine. Stay then. See if I care. You can just stand there while I eat this beef jerky made from a cute little cow.

REDHEART: You wouldn't dare.

BUFFY: (Pulls out some jerky) Here it comes.

REDHEART: No, please don't.

BUFFY: I'm ready to sink my teeth into this luscious little hunk of animal.

REDHEART: No, I can't look.

BUFFY: Down the hatch.

REDHEART: Noooo. (Runs out)

BUFFY: (Laughs) That gets her every time. I don't think I've ever had to eat jerky in front of her. I hate the stuff actually, but it does the job.  Now I've got the rich, handsome Romanian Count all to myself.  (looks around)  Where did he go? 


Read the entire play "The Romanian Uranium Mystery"

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