Nukes Make Me Puke
Short Comedy Skit

"Nukes Make Me Puke"

is a short scene for two female actors

which is a selection from the play "The Romanian Uranium Mystery"

by D. M. Larson

REDHEART: (Has a sign that says Go Home Count) Nukes make me Puke! Nukes make me Puke! (Buffy enters and gives her a dirty look) I'm here to protest the arrival of another one of the destroyers of the land coming to rip Uranium out of our precious Mother Earth.

BUFFY: (has a sign that says Welcome Count) Overdramatic as usual, aren't we Juliet?

REDHEART: And I see you're as heartless as ever, Buffy.

BUFFY: Why don't you go away before I call the police?

REDHEART: I have every right to be here.

BUFFY: And I have every right to smack you up side the head.

REDHEART: I'd like to see you try.

BUFFY: (Gets ready to fight) I've wanted to do this ever since high school.

REDHEART: (Gets ready to fight back) I haven't wanted to do this so bad since high school.

BUFFY: I'll punch you right in your brainy, nerdy little nose.

REDHEART: I'll kick your big washed up cheerleader butt.

BUFFY: Geek!

REDHEART: Airhead!

(They start hitting each other with their signs)

REDHEART: It's the Count!

BUFFY: (Suddenly gushes with friendliness) Oh, County. It's so wonderful that you've made it. (to Redheart) Beat it, hippy.

REDHEART: I'm not leaving until I am heard!

BUFFY: The only thing we want to hear is the sound of you leaving.

REDHEART: Now, look, you two-bit Vanna White wannabe.

BUFFY: You Jane Fonda freak!

REDHEART: I will go if you agree to read my pamphlet on why Uranium mining is harmful to every person, place and thing on this Earth.

BUFFY: Fine. Stay then. See if I care. You can just stand there while I eat this beef jerky made from a cute little cow.

REDHEART: You wouldn't dare.

BUFFY: (Pulls out some jerky) Here it comes.

REDHEART: No, please don't.

BUFFY: I'm ready to sink my teeth into this luscious little hunk of animal.

REDHEART: No, I can't look.

BUFFY: Down the hatch.

REDHEART: Noooo. (Runs out)

BUFFY: (Laughs) That gets her every time. I don't think I've ever had to eat jerky in front of her. I hate the stuff actually, but it does the job.  Now I've got the rich, handsome Romanian Count all to myself.  (looks around)  Where did he go? 

END OF SCENE

---

Read the play "The Romanian Uranium Mystery"

Buy a low cost PDF of "The Romanian Uranium Mystery" from Sellfy.com

When you purchase a PDF, you may make as many photocopies as needed (but please do NOT repost the text online in any way).

Purchasing a PDF of this script gives you the rights to use for:
Auditions
Classrooms
Workshops
Camps

If you use the script in a paid performance where admission is charged or in a competition, please pay the royalty:

https://sellfy.com/p/1MQC/

This royalty covers all performances that occur within one month's time.

IMPORTANT: Please be sure to get permission from your competition for the script before performing it.