Nukes Make Me Puke
"Nukes Make Me Puke"
is a short scene for two female actors
which is a selection from the play "The Romanian Uranium Mystery"
by D. M. Larson
REDHEART: (Has a sign that says Go Home Count) Nukes make me Puke! Nukes make me Puke! (Buffy enters and gives her a dirty look) I'm here to protest the arrival of another one of the destroyers of the land coming to rip Uranium out of our precious Mother Earth.
BUFFY: (has a sign that says Welcome Count) Overdramatic as usual, aren't we Juliet?
REDHEART: And I see you're as heartless as ever, Buffy.
BUFFY: Why don't you go away before I call the police?
REDHEART: I have every right to be here.
BUFFY: And I have every right to smack you up side the head.
REDHEART: I'd like to see you try.
BUFFY: (Gets ready to fight) I've wanted to do this ever since high school.
REDHEART: (Gets ready to fight back) I haven't wanted to do this so bad since high school.
BUFFY: I'll punch you right in your brainy, nerdy little nose.
REDHEART: I'll kick your big washed up cheerleader butt.
(They start hitting each other with their signs)
REDHEART: It's the Count!
BUFFY: (Suddenly gushes with friendliness) Oh, County. It's so wonderful that you've made it. (to Redheart) Beat it, hippy.
REDHEART: I'm not leaving until I am heard!
BUFFY: The only thing we want to hear is the sound of you leaving.
REDHEART: Now, look, you two-bit Vanna White wannabe.
BUFFY: You Jane Fonda freak!
REDHEART: I will go if you agree to read my pamphlet on why Uranium mining is harmful to every person, place and thing on this Earth.
BUFFY: Fine. Stay then. See if I care. You can just stand there while I eat this beef jerky made from a cute little cow.
REDHEART: You wouldn't dare.
BUFFY: (Pulls out some jerky) Here it comes.
REDHEART: No, please don't.
BUFFY: I'm ready to sink my teeth into this luscious little hunk of animal.
REDHEART: No, I can't look.
BUFFY: Down the hatch.
REDHEART: Noooo. (Runs out)
BUFFY: (Laughs) That gets her every time. I don't think I've
ever had to eat jerky in front of her. I hate the stuff actually, but it does
the job. Now I've got the rich, handsome Romanian Count all to
myself. (looks around) Where did he go?
END OF SCENE