Yes, you're right. I have to toughen upÖ thereís always someone who has it worse than me. Sorry I am so depressed all the timeÖ sorry I bring you down. I donít mean to ruin your day... Or your life. I'd love to stop being depressed. I wish I could look on the bright side and turn that frown upside down. I wish it were that easy.
You think itís my fault donít you? You think itís all in my head. Yes, we all have this problem donít we? We all get a little blue sometimes. I get very blue all the time. Iím so blue Iím purple. Donít tell me you understandÖ you donít understand!
Do you really know how this feels? Do you really know how this grips me inside and threatens to rip me apart? Do you know the weight that holds me down, a weight so powerful I can hardly move.
Yes, Iím using this to punish you. I am angry at you so Iím acting this way to hurt youÖ I need to stop feeling sorry for myselfÖ Me, me, me... yes, itís all about meÖ I want you all to drop everything and focus on me! Iím sorry I even came out of my room.
Oh yeahÖ a nice cup of tea will instantly cure me - maybe if you put some strychnine in it. I wish I could just snap out of itÖ like it was some kind of spell a witch cast on me. I'm waiting for some prince to come along and kiss my tears away.
Donít worry. I wonít say anything anymore. I didnít want to bring it up. I didnít want to talk about it anywayÖ
I bet youíre sorry you asked how I was doing. How am I doing anyway? Iím hurting so bad. I wish there was something that would take away the pain. I can't handle this much longer.
All I want to know is that Iím not aloneÖ that Iím important to someone. Maybe I want a hug sometimes. Maybe I want someone to tell me Iím not going crazy, thatís itís not really my fault.
I need to know I didnít do this to myself and that Iím not the cause of this horrible thing thatís happening to me. I want someone to be here for me and help me through this. I need someone stronger than meÖ Iím so weak. I need someone who is strong enough for both of us.
I need to know youíll be there for meÖ I need to know youíll never give up on me. That youíll never leave me. That youíll never go away. And I need someone to help me not give up on myself. I want to know that Iím important. That I matter. That Iím loved. Tell me that things will get better. It helps to have someone to talk toÖ it helps to say somethingÖ thank you for listeningÖ thank you for not leaving me alone anymore.
END OF MONOLOGUE
From the play "The Bullied, Bungled and Botched" by D. M. Larson - ISBN-13: 9781518661082
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