The Bullied, Bungled and Botched
By
D. M. Larson
A short script with monologues about bullying for 4 actors
From the book by the same name (ISBN-13: 978-1518661082)
Copyright © 2015, 2025 All Rights Reserved
SCENE 1 - BUG-EYED CREATURE
LUKE
Being the new kid at school is like discovering a new planet. Everything is strange and confusing and you're the weird alien everyone is afraid of… well… not fear… you are the gross bugged eyes creature that's completely misunderstood.
(LUKE speaks like an alien to someone passing)
"I come in peace." Ignored as usual. Maybe I have on my cloaking device? No one seems to see me.
(He tries talking to more people as they pass and does the related hand motions
for the following [ie Star Trek, Mork and Mindy])
Live long and prosper! Nano nano! Those are my geek gang signs. May the force be with you. How come that one doesn't have a hand sign? It really needs one.
(He tries out different hand and arm motions)
May the force be with you... may the force be with you... may the force make you live long and prosper. I like that. I need to make a t-shirt with that on there. You know, the principal made me change my shirt. I had one with Spock doing the Vulcan hand signs saying “Go Trek Yourself” Like anyone could be offended by that. He said students are not allowed to wear anything with words on it. Isn't that ironic? A school banning words. School is not the place to be unique or
stand out. They have this mold they want everyone to fit into. If you're not a certain way the whole school says you're not their type and they reject you. Rejection… life is all about rejection. I am proud to say I have always been the last to be picked for any school activity. Especially when it’s sports. I try to make sure I'm last… and if I am really lucky they have too many team members so I have to sit out. To make sure I am last to be picked I always limp so they think I am a liability… and if they don't notice the limp, I add in a nose pick because
who wants to pass the ball to a nose picker? Oh, that's a good idea for a hand sign.
(LUKE picks his nose and holds out his finger)
May the booger be with you.
(Laughs)
They noticed that one. I know that’s gross but hey, I have my bug-eyed creature reputation to maintain.
END OF MONOLOGUE
SCENE 2 - CARRY A STUFFY
LAYLA
I like to cuddle and hug. I love stuffed animals. See. I have a new one. What should I name him? I think I will name him Mr. Cuddles.
(She gives the stuffed animal a big hug)
I have all these stuffies for a reason. I get anxiety attacks. I've had them since I was little. I used to scream a lot. Now I panic and can't breathe. I don't even know what's scaring me most of the
time. So I have to have these cute little guys and I hug the stuffing out of them. It's the only thing that seems to help… Well, not always… Today I had six anxiety attacks… that must be a new record. It's the new school, all the new classes, all the new teachers. Why can't we just
stay with the same teacher all day? I hate all this switching around… I'm a nervous wreck I don't know what I'm doing. So that’s why I carry a stuffy. I need something to help me get through the day. Something to hold on to. I just wish they could hug me back.
END OF MONOLOGUE
SCENE 3 - PUNCH BOY
BING
(BING is in a suit or tux standing by himself with two cups of punch in his hands)
It looks like Moira is having a great time. She looks so nice. I never thought such a pretty girl would want to go to the dance with me. I know I’m not ugly or weird or anything. But I never thought someone so beautiful would notice me. It’s been an amazing night. I rented a limo and she must have liked it because she did a million selfies so she could show her friends. She had me wear shades and open doors like I was her bodyguard. And I took her to this really fancy restaurant and she got a kick out of ordering the most expensive thing on the menu. Now she is dancing with her friends, having a wonderful time. She wants me over here, waiting, in case she needs anything. I’m holding her punch right now. I’m the official punch holder. Punch boy. Oh she's signaling me. She needs a drink. Coming right up, madam! She likes it when I act like
her butler or something. It makes her laugh. I love that laugh of hers. And she and her friends laugh at me a lot.
END OF MONOLOGUE
SCENE 4 - NO WITNESSES
MOIRA
I saw it... This terrible thing. It happened to this girl I don't even like. And no one knows who did it... Except me. Do I tell? It's between what is right and what will ruin your life. I don't even like
her... She brings it on herself. Why does she have to be so... Weird? And if I tell... Everyone will turn against me... I will be like her... An outcast… Invisible. Is that how it happens... One little thing you do turns you into a leper? Social leprosy. The right thing feels so wrong. I know I'm supposed to tell the truth but the truth will not set me free. The truth will ruin me... Keeping quiet will ruin her… And I don't know if I care. I guess that's what happened to all those guys who stood up for what was right... Gandhi shot, MLK shot, Jesus crucified... I'm no Jesus. I wonder if she could ever forgive me? She can get over it right? Forgive me... I don't want to be crucified.
END OF MONOLOGUE
SCENE 5 - PROTECTO (KID HERO)
LUKE
I've always dreamed of being a hero. I've tried everything to become super. I let a spider bite me... no spider powers; just lots of itching. I tried standing too close to the microwave oven hoping the radiation would change me. Nothing. And I got in trouble for making so many bags of popcorn. But I took it all to school and had a popcorn party. I was a hero that day. So I guess it kinda worked.
(Stands heroically)
I love being a hero. I love helping people. I love making them happy. And I hate bad guys. I hate creeps who hurt people. There's this kid at school... he is always hurting everyone. I am sick of him hurting us. I just need those super powers. I need something that will make him stop.
(Lost in thought)
Maybe if I eat more of the school lunches. They look radioactive. If I get enough green hotdogs and brown ketchup in me... something is bound to happen.
(Nods in approval)
And I need a catchphrase like "gonna smoosh me a baddie"... and a cool costume... actually last time I was in the bathroom, I saw the perfect superhero name. Protecto! Instead of a telephone booth like superman, I could use a bathroom stall and those Protecto seat covers could be a cape... and make a toilet paper mask. Nothing scares bad guys more than bathroom stuff.
(Thinks then frowns)
Or maybe it will really make them want to give me a swirly. I better rethink this.
END OF MONOLOGUE
SCENE 6 - FOREVER TREE
LAYLA
Why can't everyone just leave me alone! They follow me after school and harass me… I go home and they harass me. Maybe I need to stop shopping at Target. Because that's what I am. A target. People love to pick on me. The bullies have to take a number because I seem to be their favorite person to hate on. I’m some kind of stress reliever they take out all their frustrations on me. I guess that is my purpose in life. At least I serve a purpose. It would be a
shame if all that torture didn't have a purpose.
(Goes to a tree)
So I will just stay here behind this tree forever. I love this tree. I do a lot of hiding behind this tree. I will even climb up and hide in the branches if I feel really scared. Sometimes I wish I’d fall
out of the branches and break my neck. I dangle on a branch, begging myself to let go. But I’m never brave enough to do it. And I wouldn’t want the tree to feel bad. This tree been good to me all these years. A quiet refuge on the border of madness and insanity. Safe from the
madness of school and the insanity of home. I’m tempted to build a treehouse and stay here forever.
(Goes out to road and sits)
Or maybe I will lay in the middle of the road and get it over with. I’m tired of hiding. You want me? Come and get me! Finish me off. Put me out of my misery.
(The sound of a car approaching. She lies in the middle of the road [stage]. Car sound stops and then sound of car honking. She yells at car)
Either run me over or go around because I'm not moving!
END OF MONOLOGUE
SCENE 7 - CUT OFF FROM THE WORLD
MOIRA
Look at what they're saying about me! It's all over TwitFace! Everyone at school is seeing it. You see how many likes it's getting! I hate TwitFace! It’s ruining my life! I can't go back to school tomorrow. I can't face everyone after what they said.
(She reacts to someone taking her laptop computer)
What are you doing? Don't deactivate my account! Give me back my laptop! Stop, you're going to break it! It broke. You broke my laptop.Where's my phone? Give me my phone! Don't take out the battery. What are you doing with the battery! Put my phone back together! You're breaking it!
I'm cut off from the world...
(She cries and throws a tantrum. Then she stops and cries quietly. Then after a long pause she suddenly looks a little relieved)
I'm cut off from the world.
(Long pause she looks around)
Wanna play a board game or something? Hey look, we still have that tire swing in the backyard. Remember how we used to spin each other until we got so dizzy we couldn't walk? I loved that feeling. I wish I could feel that way again... not just dizzy, but... I don’t know… carefree? Things get so much more complicated when you get older.
END OF MONOLOGUE
SCENE 8 - WHO WANTS TO BE MY BULLY?
LUKE
Hello. I am taking applications for my official bully. I want to make sure the right person is picking on me day after day. It's a very unique and special relationship. Ready for some
questions? Okay. First of all, are you interested in my lunch money or my lunch? Because if you need the cash I will bring that it if you prefer to have me bring a lunch already prepared, I can do
that too. No this isn't a joke. I'm very serious about this. Or do you prefer I tell jokes? Are you the knock knock joke kind where you walk up and knock on my head?
(Knocks on his own head)
Knock! Knock!
(Smiles thoughtfully)
Or do you prefer the walk in to the bar kind of jokes? I could try to work up some dirty jokes too but that seems more appropriate for your friends to tell than your victims. We have to have the right kind of relationship here. We need familiarity without closeness. I can provide services such as
homework preparation and goforing in return I ask that I only receive swirlies at the end of the day so I can go home and shower after. And then one more thing… the most important part of all this I ask for your protection. I want you to protect me from all the other bullies. This has to be an exclusive bullying arrangement and you have to make sure you step in at the first sign of any danger from other bullies. I like my day to be predictable deliver your homework in the morning lunch or lunch money at noon and then a farewell swirly or wedgie in the afternoon… yes I will even throw a few wedgies in the deal… so what do you say? Do we have a deal? Good…
(Holds out an official looking document)
Sign here please.
END OF MONOLOGUE
SCENE 9 - PARENTING 101
BING
(Paces around as if lecturing to a group of people)
Welcome to Parenting 101. Lesson 1 kill off his passion. We can't have him too excited about anything. And if he likes it too much there must be something wrong with it. So we must do everything in our power to discourage him.
(Aside to audience)
Little do they know it only makes me want it more. It sucks when you don't fit in the place you spend your entire day. I feel so out of place at school. But home isn't any better. My parents even homeschooled me for a while. I guess they bullied me to make the school experience as real as possible. They were always fitting me for a dunce hat because I was never good at anything they wanted me to learn. But I was never able to walk on water or turn water into wine. I wonder what I would have thought of my parents as teens? If we were all teens together. It would be interesting to go back in time and meet them, like a Back to the Future thing. I wonder what they were like. I want to see if they were liked or a loser like me. They were probably popular. That's why they are so disappointed in me. If they were losers too, then they'd understand me more… understanding what I'm going through… and we could be friends.
END OF MONOLOGUE
SCENE 10 - GOOD FOR EACH OTHER
LAYLA
Parents. They want to toughen us up but instead they tear us down. Why does being tough involve being mean to your kid? I thought everyone was this way ...so many people in my life act this way… don't be a cry baby, don't be a wimp quit being so sensitive, but then I found
you. But we build each other up that's what makes us so good for each other. And being sensitive doesn't seem so bad anymore… being sensitive means that I am more caring and more loving. How can that be bad? To them it is, but not to you. And that’s why I’m falling in love.
END OF MONOLOGUE
SCENE 11 - END THE HURTING
(LUKE, LAYLA, BING and MOIRA are faces in the darkness)
LUKE
When you're hurting you look for weakness.
LAYLA
You take that hurt and pass it on to me.
BING
You're hurting... so you hurt.
MOIRA
You're damaged... so you damage.
BING
You're feeling pain so you cause pain... in me.
(The light becomes brighter and the faces transform looking stronger and determined)
LUKE
It has to stop.
LAYLA
I will protect myself from the pain.
BING
I know the damage must be undone.
MOIRA
I will end the hurting so I never hurt.
LUKE
And I must do it... for me.
END OF PLAY