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Cast of Characters
Billy: Brother of Billy and fan of Pepper.
Bobby: Brother of Bobby and fan of Pepper as well.
Dolly: Famous country music star who is in charge of the
competition Pepper wants to enter.
Tiffany: Nervous assistant to Dolly.
Dorian: Another judge who is flamboyant and likes to tease
Dolly.
Pepper: A musician who is unconscious for the entire scene.
SCENE 1 - INT. STAGE.
DAY.
Billy and Bobby go to Pepper who is passed out on the
floor.
BILLY
Is that who I think it is?!
BOBBY
Pepper from the Chile Pepper Chicks!
BILLY
I can't believe we're this close to her.
BOBBY
Yeah, usually she runs away when we get this close.
They help her up in to a rolling chair.
BILLY
So what do you think is wrong with her?
BOBBY
Don't you remember? This happened the first time they tried to perform at the Sailfish Lounge. The place was packed and Pepper passed out.
BILLY
The place was packed and Pepper passed out. Hey, that's like a tongue twister. The place was packed and Pepper passed out. The place was packed and Pepper passed out.
(BILLY and BOBBY hear voices and freeze)
DOLLY
Hurry up will you?
TIFFANY
You want the French Vanilla creamer or Irish Cream?
(BILLY and BOBBY rush around with PEPPER on rolling chair)
DOLLY
Mocha! I always want Mocha!
TIFFANY
They're out of Mocha.
DOLLY
You're out of Mocha?
TIFFANY
They...
DOLLY
YOU'RE out of Mocha.
TIFFANY
I'm sorry.
DOLLY
"I'm sorry." I don't know why I keep you around.
(BILLY and BOBBY eventually roll PEPPER behind crate and peek over as DOLLY and TIFFANY enter with DORIAN in tow)
DORIAN
Oh, you two just stop. You promised me you'd all be on your best behavior.
DOLLY
I will for the cameras. Do you see any cameras?
DORIAN
No and what a shame. We're just not getting nearly enough attention are we? We could have ourselves the next Shania Twain and no one is here to see it. Who's the next group on the list, Tiffany?
TIFFANY
Some group called the Chile Pepper Chicks.
DOLLY
Where are they from?
TIFFANY
New Mexico.
DOLLY
New Mexico? I thought this was only for American groups.
DORIAN
New Mexico is one of the 50, Dolly.
DOLLY
So where are they? We haven't got time to wait around. There are hundreds of groups here.
DORIAN
You offer a hundred thousand dollar prize and that will happen.
BILLY
Hundred.
BOBBY
Thousand.
BILLY
Dollars!
(Rolls out PEPPER)
Here we are.
(TIFFANY looks at clipboard and then PEPPER)
DORIaN
I recognize that one from the picture.
DOLLY
Who are you guys?
BOBBY
Uh...
BILLY
We're the band.
BOBBY
We are?
(BILLY kicks BOBBY)
We are!
(TIFFANY giggles)
DORIAN
Excuse me, but you're not Chicks.
BILLY
Oh, you know. It's one of them funny name things bands do. Like Twisted Sister. No crippled girls in that group.
BOBBY
Or the Bare Naked Ladies. I went to one of their concerts and there weren't no naked ladies anywhere. I was very disappointed.
BILLY
That there is what you call irony.
BOBBY
Irony?
BILLY
It's like rain on a summer day or a free ride but you're going anyway.
BOBBY
Huh?
BILLY
Never mind.
DOLLY
What's with her? She okay?
BOBBY
Sure, she's fine.
BILLY
She's meditating.
BOBBY
Yeah, getting herself mentally prepared.
DOLLY
I can see that she's brains of the operation.
TIFFANY
So who's this other gal in the picture?
BILLY
Oh... that's Bobby here.
BOBBY
What? I mean... what a dress.
BILLY
Yeap, we were just playing around with the whole chick idea and though it would be funny if we all dressed up like girls.
TIFFANY
So where are you?
BILLY
That's a good question.
BOBBY
Remember, you were upset because they didn't have your favorite color, pink and you refused to wear orange. Orange is not his color.
DORIAN
I don't think orange is anybody's color.
DOLLY
(Looks at watch)
You know what? It's my lunchtime. Can we do this audition after I grab myself something to eat?
BILLY
Sure!
BOBBY
Take your time.
BILLY
Bye.
Makes PEPPER wave goodbye.
DORIAN
Let's not do this place's snack bar again. I feel like I'm going to feeding time at the trough.
TIFFANY
I'll run and get us something.
DOLLY
Make it quick. I want to get this over with.
DORIAN, DOLLY and TIFFANY exit.
BOBBY
Quick. Let's get a picture with Pepper and git. You got the camera?
BILLY gets camera from crate.
BILLY
I got it. Here we go. Now pose with Pepper.
BOBBY arranges PEPPER.
BOBBY
How's this?
BILLY takes picture and looks at it.
BILLY
Dang, her eyes are closed.
BOBBY
Try again.
BILLY takes another picture.
BILLY
Eyes closed again.
BOBBY
Wait.
(BOBBY holds open PEPPER's eyes)
Take it.
BILLY
Got it! Let's go.
Billy and Bobby rush out and leave Pepper motionless in the chair. After a few seconds she slowly slips out of the chairs and falls on the floor.
END OF SCENE
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