SCENE 1 INT.
The Great Depression. A time of economic turmoil.
It all started with the stock market crash of October 29, 1929... Black
Tuesday. But was everyone hurting after the crash? Indeed two men
were quite prosperous... and what if these two men met? Let's take a
journey in to our imaginations in this latest hysterical history... The
Hysterical History of the Great Depression.
Al Capone stands at the defendant's table smiling talking and
waving to the crowded courtroom (the "fans" of Al Capone can either be on stage
or in the audience as if the audience is a part of the courtroom). A very
nervous bailiff is trying to keep control.
Everyone. Sit down. Quiet! The judge will be here any moment.
I appreciate you all coming here and showing your support
We love you, Mr. Capone!
I love you back, doll.
You're our hero, Capone!
All of you are heroes to me. You all get out there every day
and face the harsh world out there. No jobs, losing your homes, not sure
where your next meal is coming from.
But you feed us. You give us jobs.
Who else does that?
Why is he even here? This ain't right? They
shouldn't have him on trial. They should have President Hoover on
People cheer at this. Bailiff tries to get people to
Al Capone for President!
People cheer more.
"Vote early and often!"
Settle down you! Or I'll run the lot of you in for
disturbing the peace.
People boo at Bailiff who nervously backs away. A child
runs up to Capone and stands on a chair near him.
Thank you for the bicycle, Mr. Capone!
You bet, kiddo.
He buys kids bicycles, he feeds us with his soup kitchens,
gets food to our kids in school, he gives us work. Set him free!
Crowd starts chanting.
Set him free! Set him free!
Bailiff is really happy when he sees Judge Rutherford appear.
Please rise for the honorable Judge Rutherford...
Crowd starts booing. Judge gets up on bench and gives
the crowd a very evil stare. The booing dies down. The Judge sits
and Capone motions them to sit too.
I will clear this courtroom if there are any more outbursts
from the mob gathered here.
Don't worry, Judge. These good people won't disturb the
peace... I assure you, they are no mob.
Well, you'd certainly know a mob if you saw one.
Crowd starts to boo, Rutherford bangs his gavel, Bailiff
nervously reaches for his gun but Capone calms them down.
Seems like you've been listening to rumors, Judge. I
thought justice was blind.
Blind but not stupid, Mr. Capone. Sit down or I'll find
you in contempt.
Settle down, tiger.
You will refer to me at your honor!
"Now I know why tigers eat their young."
Now, now. “Don't you get the idea I'm one of those goddam
radicals. Don't get the idea I'm knocking the American system.” I'm all for
Then you'll be pleased to hear I've replaced the jury with an
entirely new group of people for your trial. It appears that the last
jury was bribed.
Bribed? By whom?
Don't play innocent with me. Your corruption is well
known. You're a well-known leader of illegal enterprise...
“I am like any other man. All I do is supply a demand.”
You live like a King in a time when people are out of work
Judge, you live like a king and you ain't even earned it like
That's it! Bailiff!
Bailiff heads for Capone and reaches for a firearm but court
transcriptionist pulls a gun from her purse and holds it at Bailiff's head.
“You can get more with a nice word and a gun than you can
with a nice word.”
You're in contempt, Capone!
I simply don't think you're the right man for this trial...
your honor. Unless a corrupt man is more fit to judge corruption.
Sorry, your honor. I'm a bit busy.
Transcriptionist takes Bailiff's gun and forces him in to her
You say that I'm corrupt because of my success in a time of
economic woe. But what about you... a servant of the people... how did
you get so prosperous?
I'm not on trial here, Capone.
Maybe you should be.
People cheer. Man 1 and 2 grab Rutherford. Capone
takes Judges spot on the bench.
Unhand me! Get down from there!
Order in the court.
So who should be on trial here... a man who helps the people
or a man who uses abuses his honorable position for person gain?
I don't have to listen to this.
But you do. Sit down.
Man 1 and 2 force Rutherford in to defendant's chair.
Now I may have two homes, but you have five, your
honor. I have a Cadillac... you have two. I have a yacht... you
have two. While I'm completely sober at work...
Capone pulls out a flask from the bench.
You appear to get quite drunk.
People react strongly to Capone pulling out the flask.
You planted that there. That's not mine.
Your honor... how did you come by alcoholic beverages during
It's not mine!
What's this engraving on the flask? Initials?
Joseph Franklin Rutherford!
No, JFR could mean anything.
Justice For Rich? Just For Rutherford? Jump For
All in favor of the honorable Judge Rutherford going to jail
instead citizen Capone say ay!
Take him away!
Man 1 and 2 are joined by others and drag off Rutherford and
Bailiff. Vera goes up to Capone and sits by him. He gives her the
flask and she takes a drink.
"This American system of ours, call it Americanism, call it
capitalism, call it what you will, gives each and every one of us a great
opportunity if we only seize it with both hands..."
Capone grabs Vera by the shoulders.
"...and make the most of it"
Capone tries to kiss Vera. She squeals and runs.
Capone chases her.
Life! Liberty! and the Pursuit of Happiness!
END OF SCRIPT
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