The D&D BnB
“The Hands of Fate”
By D. M. Larson
Copyright © 2017 All Rights Reserved
CAST OF CHARACTERS
(4 actors any gender)
PAT and ROBIN are travelers who get lost and find a strange bed and breakfast.
SERVANT is a strange, creepy worker at the bed and breakfast.
MASTER is a fantasy role players game leader who is over-dramatic and a little scary.
SCENE (The Hands of Fate)
(Lights come up on a Bed and Breakfast. But it is a most unusual BnB. It is the D&D BnB which is a role playing game themed hotel for players of the game “Damsels and Dominions.” The decor is filled with medieval fantasy props and art. A strange SERVANT who dresses in a medieval fantasy costume lurks around the room, being creepy and mysterious. Suddenly the front door opens and SERVANT hides. PAT and ROBIN enter)
PAT
Where are we?
ROBIN
The GPS says Las Vegas.
PAT
This is not Las Vegas.
ROBIN
It kind of looks like a theme hotel. Excalibur maybe.
PAT
I told you not to buy a GPS off of eBay.
ROBIN
But it was a great deal.
PAT
It looks three months from a slow boat from China and now we find out it doesn’t even work right.
ROBIN
But look at this place. It’s really interesting.
PAT
Interesting is a word. And it’s not quite the right word for this place.
ROBIN
We might have found a diamond in the rough.
PAT
We found the rough. Waiting for the diamond.
(SERVANT emerges)
PAT
There it is.
ROBIN
Uh… hi…
SERVANT
Visitors… I must tell the Master we have visitors.
PAT
The Master? Is it like the front desk guy or something.
SERVANT
The Master is all… he is… the Master.
PAT
The Master of what?
SERVANT
Of this Dominion!
ROBIN
Dominion huh? I could have swore this was a hotel.
SERVANT
It is the D&D BnB. A paradise for gamers who play “Damsels and Dominions.”
PAT
The old role playing game. People still play that?
(SERVANT comes at him angrily)
SERVANT
We do!
(SERVANT calms down)
SERVANT (CONT.)
Well, the Master does. He is the greatest Dominion Master in the history of the game.
ROBIN
Yeah, his name sounds familiar… The Master. I swear I’ve heard that name before.
SERVANT
He is very famous.
PAT
Well, it was nice meeting you… but we still have a long way to go. Just point us the right way for Vegas.
SERVANT
But it is getting late… and the Master has been expecting you.
ROBIN
Expecting us.
SERVANT
He said guests were coming today… He is so wise and wonderful. He foresaw your arrival.
PAT
Maybe the expected ones are right behind us. We just stopped for directions.
(SERVANT blocks their way)
SERVANT
It is your destiny to be here. There are no others.
ROBIN
Looks like there haven’t been any others for a long time.
SERVANT
Very long time.
PAT
This looks like a very pleasant place and the theme is to die for, but we really must be going. I have a date with a hot tub.
SERVANT
I can make a hot bath for you while you wait for the Master. Boiling hot. The hottest. So hot it peels the outmost layer of your skin. You’ll feel reborn.
ROBIN
Oh, that sounds lovely.
(SERVANT locks the door and starts to go)
PAT
You distract him and I’ll make a run for it.
ROBIN
Then how do I escape?
PAT
I’ll go get help.
ROBIN
Thanks… you’re a real hero.
(ROBIN holds up cell phone)
ROBIN (CONT.)
When did our cell phones last work?
PAT
About 15 miles ago I think.
ROBIN
This place is loaded with weapons. Grab a sword or a battle ax or something and we’ll fight our way out.
(PAT and ROBIN go for weapons. MASTER enters with SERVANT)
MASTER
Yes! Arm yourselves! And prepare for the battle of your life!
SERVANT
It’s the Master. The Master is here. The Master is in the house.
MASTER
So you have dared to enter my Dominion?!
PAT
Only by mistake. Big misunderstand. We’ll go now. Bye bye.
MASTER
You must stay and face your fates! As my guests.
ROBIN
See we have reservations already in Vegas…
MASTER
Nonsense! You will stay here, with me, at the finest Damsel and Dominion themed established ever conceived!
PAT
Finest? And only?
MASTER
Yes, it is one of a kind! We are the only and best!
ROBIN
Hard to duplicate this kind of uniqueness.
MASTER
I will have my servant prepare your rooms.
PAT
That’s not necessary.
MASTER
You will stay! Or you will pay!
ROBIN
What?
SERVANT
The first night is free of charge. Unless you leave early, then you will have to pay.
MASTER
Survive one night with me and then it is free.
PAT
That’s the worst freebie I’ve ever been offered I think.
ROBIN
So we get a free night if we don’t leave?
MASTER
Correct!
ROBIN
It’s worth a shot.
PAT
What?
ROBIN
I’m on a limited budget. A free night would be nice.
PAT
What’s the catch?
MASTER
You must survive a night of play Damsels and Domonions with the Master!
ROBIN
But we’ve never played.
MASTER
What?! This is blasphemy.
(He starts hitting SERVANT)
MASTER (CONT.)
How dare you bring me Noobs!
PAT
Wait, wait. We’ve played. Remember back in 1982 after we say Return of the Jedi for the 12th time we went over to Bill’s house and played.
ROBIN
Oh, that’s right.
PAT
See, we’ve been play since 1982.
ROBIN
That’s a very long time ago.
MASTER
Indeed. You must be excellent players.
PAT
We’re off the chart.
MASTER
Then let the games begin!
(MASTER exits)
PAT
You okay?
(SERVANT nods)
SERVANT
The Master is a kind and good Master. He takes good care of me and allows me to serve him.
ROBIN
How nice for the Master.
PAT
What do we do now?
SERVANT
Dinner is first.
ROBIN
Dinner? I thought this was a bed and breakfast.
SERVANT
We serve dinner instead of breakfast. I must go prepare it for you.
PAT
Wash your hands first.
(SERVANT looks at his filthy hands)
SERVANT
Master says I must never wash these. They are the hands of fate.
(SERVANT sniffles and wipes his nose with his hand and exits)
ROBIN
I wonder if the dinner is free?
PAT
You’re going to eat it?
ROBIN
I never turn down a free meal.
PAT
You’re stomach might turn it down though.
(MASTER enters)
MASTER
Welcome Damsel and Dominion players to your evening dining experience. A complete adventure meal guided by yours truly, the Dominion Master. Enter players and face your fates!
(SERVANT urges PAT and ROBIN to sit)
MASTER (CONT.)
We will begin our meal by entering a mysterious cavern. You approach a light flickering in the distance. There you see little waterfalls that line the cavern wall. A mysterious voice rings out, “Drink! And be made wiser! Drink! And be made stronger! Drink! Or you’ll be cast out from this magical realm… forever!” You fill your goblets with the mysterious waters. But which one will you choose?
(SERVANT enters with a tray of goblets)
MASTER (CONT.)
One goblet is a magical sparkling fairy brew.
PAT
Looks like soda pop.
MASTER
These are not drinks for mortals. Be wary of their magical gifts. Some will bring you great power! While others may curse you.
ROBIN
A lot of energy drinks are like that.
MASTER
Next there is devil’s blood.
PAT
Looks like tomato juice.
ROBIN
Or fruit punch.
MASTER
Cast your die. And see which goblet you will choose.
PAT
Huh?
SERVANT
Roll the dice.
ROBIN
It’s like a board game…. without the board.
PAT
Whatever.
(PAT rolls. SERVANT sighs)
PAT (CONT.)
Look. I’m number one.
MASTER
You receive Dragon’s Spit.
ROBIN
Looks like water.
PAT
A bit cloudy for water. I hope it’s not real spit.
MASTER
This drink give you -2 confusion.
PAT
You said it.
MASTER
Bring forth the appetizers!
SERVANT
Yes, Master.
(SERVANT goes and gets another tray)
MASTER
The warriors find a secret passage and lead the way into another chamber. It is a treasure chamber! There are Rings of Power!
PAT
Looks like onion rings.
MASTER
The Shield of Tijuana.
ROBIN
Tortillas with cheese.
MASTER
Cast your die! And see which treasure you receive.
(ROBIN rolls)
ROBIN
We rolled a 2.
MASTER
You receive the plague!
PAT
Oh, great.
(SERVANT gives them a bowl)
ROBIN
Grasshoppers?!
SERVANT
In some countries, they’re a delicacy.
PAT
Can I trade for the onion rings?
MASTER
There will be no trading! Your fate is destined. Ready yourselves… for you hear a mighty roar from the caverns below. You hear mighty claws scratching the rock walls and it climbs toward you at lightning speed. The beast bursts into the room. It’s the Bedazzled Beast of Baramouthe.
(SERVANT brings in a large covered dish and growl and pretends like it is a monster)
PAT
Whatever it is, it smells good.
ROBIN
Anything will be better than grasshoppers.
PAT
Oh man. I rolled a 1 again.
(MASTER laughs)
MASTER
Then you only get the bones.
(SERVANT gives them bones)
ROBIN
Better than nothing.
(ROBIN crews on the bones)
PAT
That smelled really good. Can I roll again?
MASTER
No! Only the strongest survive.
PAT
I’m not sure you’re going to survive this evening, buddy.
MASTER
Time for dessert.
PAT
Make a good roll.
MASTER
Cast your die!
ROBIN
Lookie there. I got a 20!
MASTER
You will receive the most decadent of desserts.
PAT
It’s about time! Bring it on!
(SERVERS bring out two covered dishes)
MASTER
Chilled Goblin Brains.
PAT
It looks like real brains.
ROBIN
I lost my appetite.
PAT
Can I trade for some of that roast beast?
MASTER
No trading!
SERVANT
Could be worse. If you rolled a 1 you would get yellow snow.
PAT
I really want that roast beast.
MASTER
You will now roll and see where you will sleep tonight… the tower! Or the royal suite! Or the dungeon!
ROBIN
Can we each roll and get our own rooms? That will increase our chances of getting something good.
PAT
I’m sleeping in the car.
(PAT exits)
ROBIN
On dear. I rolled a 1.
MASTER
You get the dungeon!
ROBIN
That’s okay. I’ll sleep in the car too.
MASTER
Prepare the iron maiden.
ROBIN
That’s not necessary. Bye bye.
(ROBIN exits. MASTER watches them go and grows sad. MASTER struggles not to cry and wipes his eyes on his sleeve)
MASTER
No one has a good sense of adventure anymore.
SERVANT
May I sleep in the iron maiden, Master?
MASTER
Really?
SERVANT
Yes, Master. I’d like that.
MASTER
You’re a good friend. To the dungeon!
(They exit happily)
END OF SCENE
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