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Romantically Insane
by D. M. Larson
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Copyright © 1992, 2021
All Rights Reserved*
Place
It could be here, there or somewhere, but it’s not.
Time
Could be now, could be then. It's hard to be specific about these things, though it doesn't really matter.
Cast of Characters
(3 male 3 female)
ALLAN (male) - Doctor who watches over everyone.
EMILY (female) - Nurse who cares for the patients.
HENRI (female) - Childlike innocent patient who loves nature.
MEL (female) - Angry, violent patient who hates the others.
WALT (male) - Old patient who enjoys tall tales and loves to hear himself talk.
WALDO (male) - Optimistic patient who prefers fantasy to reality.
Scene 1
(Lights come up on a room with a sofa C, a
window R and a door L. There is a window seat R with a beans
growing in a pot on the floor under the sunlight.
There is another small table and chair DR with a
ship in a bottle someone has been working on.
WALDO and MEL sit on the sofa at extreme ends,
WALT sits on the arm of the of sofa where WALDO
is. HENRI also sits on the floor; she is
eating huckleberries from a hat. They all appear
to be watching a TV where the audience is. ALLAN
enters L as the scene begins)
ALLAN
Did I miss the final question?
WALDO
I'm afraid so. Much regret.
ALLAN
Well, what was it?
MEL
I think it was something like "this word occurs 46,277 times in the Bible."
ALLAN
What did everyone guess?
MEL
I said it must be damn or hell.
WALDO
So ignorant.
MEL
If you call me stupid one more time I'll smack you.
ALLAN
Not too hard, Mel. What did you guess, Waldo?
WALDO
It must be life or light or good or some noble such thing.
ALLAN
Good guesses.
HENRI
(Angry at TV)
Too many commercials!
WALDO
(As a father to child)
But that's how they pay for the show.
HENRI
Too many commercials!
ALLAN
What did Henrietta say?
WALDO
Oh, she said...
HENRI
And!
WALDO
I know Henri, I was trying to tell Dr. Allan...
HENRI
And!
ALLAN
The show's back on.
MEL
The contestants don't know the answer either.
WALDO
That one's got it. It was "and."
HENRI
AND!
WALDO
Good show, Henri.
HENRI
(Shakes hat)
No more huckleberries.
(Exits L. Says as he goes)
Huckleberry, Huckleberry… where you go?
MEL
(Of HENRI)
That kid is the smartest dumb person I've ever seen.
HENRI
(Off)
Huckleberry!
WALT
(To ALLAN)
What was your answer to the question, Captain?
ALLAN
I thought it might be dead or death. They seem to be the most important themes of the Bible.
WALT
Your wisdom astounds me, Captain.
MEL
(At his model ship DR, having trouble with it)
Everything astounds you, Uncle.
WALDO
He’s a Doctor not a Captain, Walt.
WALT
Captain, Doctor, Engineer. What is in a name? A name is merely a label of words...
ALLAN
Uh, Walt?
WALT
Yes, Captain?
ALLAN
I'm going out for a bit and I'm leaving you in charge. Make sure everyone stays out of trouble.
WALT
(Proudly. Salutes)
Yes, Captain.
(Jumps on top of sofa like it is a sailing ship)
MEL
(Stops ALLAN)
Why does he get to be in charge? I never get to.
ALLAN
You always get to.
MEL
I do not.
ALLAN
Oh, dear. It's your memory again, isn't it?
MEL
My memory's fine!
ALLAN
See, you don't even remember forgetting. This is indeed troublesome. I'll make a note.
(Exits)
MEL
But I'm fine!
WALT
(Looks after ALLAN, sorrowfully)
My captain is gone. Gone, never to return...
MEL
Oh, don't be stupid. He’ll be back.
WALT
(Points to MEL)
Whale, ho!
MEL
Watch it, Uncle!
WALT
It speaks to me, this whale. Aw, what mysteries God's oceans hold.
(MEL shows WALT her fist. WALT ignores her and moves around like he is sailing rough waters)
MEL
If you don't shut up I'll show you what other mysteries I hold.
WALT
(Sways back and forth, looks sick)
I don't feel so good. Excuse me.
(Goes to exit L. MEL stops him)
MEL
You have to leave someone in charge.
WALT
(Considers, MEL wants to be it)
You have the helm, Waldo.
(WALDO nods and WALT leaves. HENRI enters L with EMILY, a nurse, following)
HENRI
(Racing around room with underwear on her head)
No clothes! No clothes! No clothes...!
EMILY
(Chasing him)
Get that off your head, Henri.
HENRI
I have a hat.
EMILY
Take those off now.
HENRI
NO!
EMILY
Fine. I don't care. Wear them on your head then. If you don't want to wear underwear, that's Dr. Allan's problem, not mine.
(She exits)
(HENRI very pleased with herself, takes underwear
off, goes to window and throws them out of window.
He then sits with beans and weeds them with
tweezers. WALDO wanders around sipping from a cup
[tin/metal/plastic])
MEL
(To WALDO from shadows)
There's no tea in your cup, Waldo.
WALDO
Now that you mention it, there isn't is there?
MEL
You didn't know?
WALDO
To tell truth, I did realize in a way. See once I had this most heavenly tea and I've never found tea quite as good as that anywhere else. So now whenever I have a tea cup, I simply imagine that I'm drinking that very tea I drank so long ago. You should try some. It's very good.
(MEL knocks the cup out of WALDO’s hand. WALDO gives a hurt look and gets the cup and cleans up pretend tea as ALLAN enters)
ALLAN
(Takes a pair of underwear from his pocket)
Does this belong to anyone?
HENRI
No clothes!
ALLAN
I should have known. That's fine Henri, you don't have to wear them.
(HENRI comes and takes them. Crosses away)
Reverse psychology. Works every time.
(Exits. HENRI tosses them out the window again)
HENRI
(Triumphantly watches and yells)
Fly! Be free!
(Returns to beans after looking outside a short
while)
MEL
(Enters. Sees WALT playing with her ship in a bottle)
What are you doing?! You're destroying it!
WALT
Never!
MEL
Look! It's in little pieces.
WALT
Pieces make up the whole. A whole is only as much as it's parts.
MEL
How many parts do you come in, Uncle?
WALT
I, one, we, all, many, few, all, small, big, molecule, atom...
MEL
Look what he did to my ship.
WALT
Good comes in all things.
MEL
Shut up!
(Returns to desk and begins rebuilding. WALT crawls behind
sofa and disappears. Mel looks at ship in disgust)
I'm not getting anywhere.
(Gets up)
Where's the newspaper?
WALT
(Pops up. Holds up paper)
Your search has ended.
(MEL goes and snatches it out of his hand. She
sits on sofa and begins reading. WALT holds up
another section)
You want the comics?
MEL
(In disgust)
No. I don't waste my time with them.
WALT
Laughter is good for the soul.
MEL
Oh?
(Whacks WALT with newspaper rolled up. Laughs at her deed. Then stops)
That did feel good, didn’t it, Uncle?
WALT
Not especially, no.
MEL
Let’s take a look at the comics then. Let’s see if I can unlock their secret. Here’s an especially witty one. This child appears to be wandering the neighbor making quite a mess. There is a dotted line showing where he has been, denoting his path of destruction. Then he blames it all on what appears to be a ghost by the name of No One. Hilarious. Consider my funny bone tickled.
WALT
There are numerous superior satires to that one. I don’t understand the circus title. False advertising if you ask me.
(WALT disappears again)
MEL
(To no one in particular)
President's gone and left the country again. Abandoning the ship before it sinks I guess.
(Turns page)
Murders, rapes...
(Turns page)
Genocide, wars...
(Turns page)
I need something more upbeat. Where'd they put the obituaries?
(HENRI has snuck up on him quietly. MEL has
finally noticed him)
What?
HENRI
Dog vomit.
MEL
Huh?
HENRI
DOG VOMIT!
(Grabs paper, starts ripping it up)
Dog vomit! Dog vomit!
MEL
(Chases HENRI)
Give that back.
HENRI
(Runs and rips, runs and rips)
Dog vomit! Dog vomit!
WALT
(Pops up)
GO, HENRI! GO!
(Cheers HENRI on)
MEL
Leave my paper alone!
HENRI
Dog vomit!
(ALLAN and EMILY enter)
ALLAN
All right. That's enough.
(WALT hides again. ALLAN grabs MEL)
MEL
(Stops)
Hey!
ALLAN
You too Henrietta.
(EMILY corners her. HENRI stops)
What's going on?
MEL
Henri ripped up my paper.
HENRI
Dog vomit!
EMILY
Henri.
(HENRI is silent)
Please apologize to Mel.
HENRI
No.
EMILY
Now, Henri.
HENRI
(Goes to MEL and gives him what's left of ripped
up paper)
Please recycle.
ALLAN
Good enough.
(ALLAN exits and HENRI returns to beans)
MEL
I need to take a dump.
(MEL exits to bathroom. EMILY goes to HENRI
and watches a moment)
EMILY
(Looks at HENRI and beans)
Henri?
(HENRI continues weeding, but listens)
Would you like to talk?
HENRI
No.
EMILY
No?
HENRI
(Shows them to EMILY, gives her one)
Beans. Bean time.
NURSE
You really love those beans.
HENRI
(Gets up, points out window)
Trees, birds, sun...
(Big smile)
River and pond.
EMILY
All of those are beautiful. I swam in that pond once. It felt so good. We should go together some time.
HENRI
(Points)
Pond.
EMILY
Yes, pond.
(MEL returns)
HENRI
(Excited)
And ducks!
WALT
(Jumps up)
Ya-honk! Ya-honk!
MEL
Oh, no. He's a goose again.
WALT
Ya-honk! Ya-honk!
EMILY
Now, Walt. What have we said about being a goose indoors?
WALT
Ya-honk! Went the goose. What's that he says? Let us fly off "together" he says.
(Flies)
Fly with me all, fly as one. All united and one!
(WALT flies around)
Ya-honk, ya-honk. Come fly with me!
MEL
Where's my gun when I need it?
WALT
(Flies up to MEL)
Come, we are one. We are me, me are we, you and me.
MEL
I ain't you any more than I'm Waldo.
WALT
We're all Waldo's!
MEL
Now you're insulting me.
WALT
No, come, reach out to me. Let us be united. Let me reach out to you.
MEL
Touch me and I'll punch you.
WALT
(Hurt moves away)
Oh, you're so short sighted.
WALDO
Short sighted and ignorant.
MEL
Watch it, Waldo.
WALDO
No, you watch and look around. Open up your head to new and wondrous things.
WALT
Yes, the widening horizons of the North.
(Runs upstage)
Of the East.
(Runs L)
Of the South.
(To edge of stage)
Of the West.
(To window. Points)
See the horizons. See them open up before you.
MEL
I'm going to push him out that window. That'll widen his horizons.
EMILY
Easy, Mel.
WALT
Open spaces, wide hills, tallest trees, winding trails...will they ever end?
MEL
I hope so.
(ALLAN enters and goes to WALT)
WALT
Come fly with me.
(Flies around ALLAN)
Go to the window, go to the door!
ALLAN
(Grabs him)
Take him to a padded cell and lock him up some more.
(They exit. EMILY follows)
MEL
(Yells after)
That's it. Throw him in the brig! Now we're rid of him.
WALDO
It depends how you look at it.
MEL
What are you talking about now?
WALDO
In a way, Walt never leaves us. His words still linger as his presence.
MEL
It's probably his smell that lingers.
WALDO
So ignorant. Can't you still see him?
MEL
No.
WALDO
Not with your eyes! With your transparent eye-ball. It's a special seeing.
(Goes to a wall and presses his face against it)
See! There he is!
MEL
I don't see anything and neither do you.
WALDO
Ignorant!
MEL
Shut up!
WALDO
With this special sight you can see so many things, Walt, Dr. Allan, Nurse Emily, the lady in the moon.
MEL
There is no lady in the moon.
WALDO
Ignorant! If only you could see what you really are. "A part or particle of God." Yes, that's what you are.
MEL
If I were God you woulda been squished like a bug by now.
WALDO
Part! Part! Not all. So ignorant.
MEL
Shut up.
(Gets out his spitball shooter)
WALDO
God is in all of us, can't you see?
(MEL shoots WALDO with a spitball)
It's just that in some of us, there has been a perversion of God...
(MEL shoots him again)
Stop that!
MEL
Why should I?
(MEL shoots again)
WALDO
I said stop!
MEL
Why? Who's gonna stop me? God?
(WALT enters)
WALT
(To MEL)
Let us all take the "exact dimensions of Jehovah!"
(Snatches shooter away, holds up)
There's your justice. There's your God. You are God!
WALDO
Now, Walt. I wouldn't go as far as to say that.
WALT
I am GOD!
MEL
Well, there he is. I'm a believer now.
ALLAN
(Enters. Grabs WALT)
I told you to wait for me.
WALT
No one tells God nothin'.
ALLAN
Spoken like a true deity. Let's go, your worship.
WALT
Where are we going?
ALLAN
To Hell in handbasket. Come on.
(Leads him out)
WALT
(Excited)
This should be quite interesting.
MEL
(To WALDO)
There goes your God.
WALDO
He's not God. I mean he is, but...not all the way...only part.
MEL
What are you trying to get at?
WALDO
I'm not sure. I need some tea. That will cheer me up. Warms the insides, warms the heart, calms the mind.
MEL
I hate tea.
WALDO
Have some, Mel. It's quite good.
MEL
(Comes up)
You have anything with more substance?
WALDO
No better tea in the world.
MEL
I know. That's what you said before.
(Gets an evil look)
I have a question for you.
WALDO
(Pleased)
Ask away.
MEL
Can God create a rock he can't lift?
WALDO
God can do anything.
MEL
Not if he can't lift his unliftable rock.
WALDO
(Thinks as if it hurts him)
Wait, wait. I'll have the answer in a moment.
MEL
That's just it. Don't you get it. There is no answer. Who's stupid now, Waldo?
WALDO
(Upset)
There has to be an answer.
MEL
Nope, sorry. You lose.
WALDO
There has to be...
HENRI
(Smiles)
I know.
WALDO
You do?
MEL
You do not!
HENRI
I DO!
MEL
(Angry)
What? Tell me.
HENRI
No.
WALDO
Please, Henri.
HENRI
Okay.
(Long pause)
MEL
Well?!
HENRI
Okay.
(Stands. She finds a rock and a couple things to make a lever)
MEL
What is she doing?
WALDO
I believe she is making something for us.
HENRI
God makes...something...to lift it.
(Acts out lifting a rock with lever)
WALDO
Good show! That's my Henri!
MEL
That's not right!
WALDO
Why not?
MEL
Because...God can't do that.
WALDO
God can do anything.
MEL
I hate you! I hate all of you!
WALDO
Good job, Henri. I'm proud of you.
(To no one in particular)
Taught her everything she knows.
HENRI
No.
WALDO
(Still pleasant)
What's that, Henri?
HENRI
Me, I. No you.
WALDO
(Hurt)
How could you say that? After all I've done for you...
HENRI
Me! Me! Me!
WALDO
You have torn me apart. Caused a rift in my soul. Cast aside my favor. So be it then, Henri. Forget the father of thy philosophy.
HENRI
Okay.
WALDO
That’s so cold, it burns me.
(Stumbles away)
MEL
(To WALDO)
Come back to the real world, Waldo. Face reality. See what's really real.
(Raps on WALDO's head at every knock)
Knock, knock. Anyone home? Where's Waldo? Knock, knock.
(WALDO begins to cry)
Oh, you're not going to cry are you? Wake up, Waldo.
(Pause. WALDO sips his tea)
Your whole world is a lie.
HENRI
Lie. False. Not true. Untruth. Con. Deceive. Fib. Story. Tale. Trick. Hoax. Sham. Invent. Misstate. Perjure.
MEL
(Lost in thought)
There is no truth. Only jumbles of nonsense and nothing.
HENRI
Lies!
MEL
Yes, lies!
HENRI
No, truth.
MEL
Shut up.
HENRI
No.
(MEL slaps HENRI)
HENRI
OW!
(HENRI cries. ALLAN enters)
ALLAN
What is it, Henri?
HENRI
(Points to MEL who has gone back to
working on ship in bottle)
Hurt!
ALLAN
It's nothing. It's all in your mind.
HENRI
Hurt!
ALLAN
It'll be okay, Henri. Go back to your beans.
(HENRI does so reluctantly. ALLAN exits.
MEL stops working on her ship and sticks a
finger in her mouth. WALT goes up to MEL)
WALT
What ails you?
MEL
My tooth hurts.
WALT
A dentist I shall become then.
(Exits)
MEL
(Gets up, worried)
What's he up to?
WALT
(Returns with pliers)
A dentist I am.
&nbnbsp; MEL
You stay away from me.
WALT
Let me help you.
(They begin a little chase)
MEL
Get! Get away!
WALT
What is a little pain in the work of good?
MEL
Help! Doctor! Nurse!
(Runs)
WALT
(Follows MEL)
Help will I!
(Tackles her behind sofa)
Got you!
(Struggle. Both yelling)
WALDO
I hope they're okay.
(WALT screams)
MEL
(Pops up smiling with a tooth in the pliers)
Everything's just dandy.
WALDO
That isn't...
MEL
It is.
WALT
(Gets up. Holding his mouth. In pain)
My life wrenched from me!
MEL
No, just a tooth. That’s what you get for trying to pull out mine. Hey, Waldo, is this a part or particle of God too?
(WALDO ignores him)
ALLAN
(Enters)
What's going on in here?
MEL
Uncle needed a dentist.
WALT
What good is there in this, huh? What good can you find in pain?
ALLAN
(Takes tooth from MEL and looks at it)
This tooth looks like it has a cavity or something. Look, it's all brown.
WALDO
Let me see that.
(WALT comes to look too)
ALLAN
You've done Walt a great service here, Mel. Congratulations.
(ALLAN starts to leave with tooth. Show EMILY as she enters.
She looks disgusted. ALLAN laughs and exits)
WALT
(Overcome with joy)
How can I express my gratitude? How can I express my thanks? How can I tell how much I appreciate what you've done for me?
MEL
Can't you say something once and be done with it?
WALT
I am your friend for life.
MEL
Leave me alone.
(Returns to ship)
WALT
So great and so modest. A saint!
(Sits on floor near MEL)
I shall sit and bask in your greatness.
MEL
I said… leave… me… alone.
(MEL shoves WALT with each word. EMILY rushes over)
EMILY
Mel, stop.
MEL
I can’t.
(EMILY stands in MEL’s way. MEL’s angry grows. WALT just smiles at MEL. WALDO sees and joins EMILY)
WALDO
Calm yourself. You want the doctor to lock you up again?
MEL
Please! Lock me up and throw away the key.
EMILY
I don’t want that to happen to you.
MEL
There’s so much walled up inside me. Darkness… trapped in the darkness. Dark forbodings clouding my mind. Darkness that never sees the sun, staring into the nothingness of space. The doctor has slowly been tearing down the wall, but I’m terrified of what is inside. He tells me to tear down the wall and set it free, but what if I can’t control it? What if it hurts me and what if it hurts all of you? What if it destroys us all?
EMILY
We’re here for you, Mel. We won’t let that happen.
WALDO
We are greater together. Stronger.
WALT
Always look to the sun and leave the darkness behind.
(MEL moves toward them. WALDO and WALT move behind EMILY)
MEL
Or maybe I like the darkness. Maybe part of me wants to see what’s hidden on the other side. Maybe I should let it consume me… and destroy all of you.
(MEL looks about to attack. HENRI jumps in)
HENRI
Hate, hate, hate!
MEL
That's right, Henri. Hate! That's what this world thrives on. Either tap it or be destroyed!
HENRI
GO TO YOUR ROOM...AND CUT YOUR THROAT!
MEL
SHUT UP, HENRI!
HENRI
Cut throat! Cut throat!
MEL
I'll cut yours.
(Goes toward HENRI. EMILY moves to block HENRI)
No, I won't hurt you. That won't do no good. But I will do something better.
(Starts stomping on HENRI's beans)
Die, beans, die!
HENRI
(Cries)
Noooooooooo!
(MEL has stopped and HENRI hugs beans)
Babies! Babies!
(ALLAN enters)
ALLAN
What's going on?
WALDO
Mel hurt Henri's beans.
(EMILY is trying to comfort HENRI)
HENRI
(Crying)
Baby beans!
ALLAN
Emily. Take Henri to the greenhouse to get some more beans.
EMILY
(Gets to HENRI)
Come on, Henri. We'll go get you some more beans, okay?
HENRI
(Goes with her)
Baby beans.
(They exit)
WALT
(To MEL)
So much pain you have caused. So much sorrow. So much hurt.
MEL
Yeah, and I ain't done, Uncle.
(Attacks WALT. They falls down fighting behind
sofa)
WALDO
Stop them, doctor.
ALLAN
I wanted to see who was winning first.
WALDO
Please, doctor.
ALLAN
Waldo. Sometimes we need to let people take out their aggressions. It's therapeutic.
MEL
(Stands up. Calm. A smile)
There. I feel much better.
ALLAN
Oh, good. Off to bed with you then.
MEL
(Pleasantly)
Night, Captain.
(MEL exits)
WALDO
(Looking at WALT on floor)
I believe he needs some help, doctor.
ALLAN
No more fooling around. It’s time for sleep. Good night, gentlemen.
(ALLAN exits)
WALDO
(Reaches down for WALT)
I'll take you to your room, Walt.
WALT
You are gracious, sir.
(Crawls up on back of sofa to his knees and
wobbles. WALDO ties to hold up WALT but
they both falls down again)
END OF SCENE
SCENE 2
EMILY
(Enters)
Doctor. Have you seen Henri this morning?
ALLAN
No, why do you ask?
EMILY
She was pretty upset after all the stuff with Mel yesterday. I said she could sleep in her wigwam on the lawn. But now she’s not in her wigwam and she didn't come to breakfast.
ALLAN
Did you check the garden? And the greenhouse?
EMILY
I looked everywhere, Doctor.
ALLAN
Maybe she's hiding from you.
EMILY
Maybe. She does that sometimes. She loves hide and seek.
ALLAN
See, nothing to worry about.
(EMILY almost goes but then stops and turns)
EMILY
Why do you let Mel act that way?
ALLAN
What way?
EMILY
Angry… violent…
ALLAN
It’s all part of her therapy.
(EMILY pauses. Decides to speak up)
EMILY
It doesn’t seem very therapeutic.
(ALLAN turns cold)
ALLAN
What would you know about therapy? I’m the doctor. Not you.
EMILY
I know… but…
(EMILY is nervous and has trouble continuing)
ALLAN
But what?
EMILY
I don’t understand why you do some of the things you are doing to them.
ALLAN
Of course you don’t. You’re not trained. You’re not skilled in these matters.
EMILY
But it seems to hurt them.. they don’t seem to be getting better. Some of the things you do seem to make things worse.
ALLAN
It seems that way, but I have my reasons.
EMILY
Can you explain it to me? I want to understand.
ALLAN
I will try, but I don’t think you’re capable of comprehending what I do.
(This annoys EMILY)
EMILY
Try me.
ALLAN
With Mel, she has a lot of anger. If I ignore that and build up that wall around her hate even more, the anger will fester and root deeper inside. I have to find ways to break it out so it’s no longer hidden inside her. Sometimes you stoke the fire in order to let it burn out.
EMILY
But what if that fire burns everyone else? What good does it do for the others?
ALLAN
Walt’s problem is that he thinks too highly of himself. He thinks he is a god. Mel teaches him humility.
EMILY
What about Henri?
ALLAN
She is too innocent and childlike. She needs to grow up. Mel helps with that too.
EMILY
I have to go on record stating that I think you’re doing more harm than good.
ALLAN
Oh… going on record. How scary. But good for you. I’m proud of you for putting your neck out on the line for the loonies.
EMILY
Someone needs to.
ALLAN
You’re the only one. No one else cares about these people. I’m their last resort. Without me, they’d be left to rot.
EMILY
I’m worried about them.
ALLAN
There will be a change now. You’ll see.
EMILY
What if it’s not for the better?
ALLAN
I need a breakthrough. I must keep trying.
EMILY
What if it’s too much? What if they keep getting hurt?
ALLAN
I suppose you want to take them out to some beautiful grassy hill, pick daisies and make daisy chains, and have them dance around with their flower crowns, enjoying some laughs and singing Kumbaya. It’ll help in the moment but never cure them. Pain is how we grow, pain changes us. If we touch fire and get burned, then we won’t touch it again; or we keep touching the fire, we get stronger. We build up calluses that protect us. Without the hurt, they’ll always be afraid. If no one helps them, who will they be without us? You haven’t been working with them as long as I have. You’ve seen their files. They were much worse before they came to me. They were lost souls adrift in this world, but I’ve brought them together… and made them a family. And you’re part of the family now too, Emily. They need you as much as they need me… we can fix this if we work together. We are stronger if we unite.
EMILY
Okay, Doctor.
ALLAN
Now let’s work together to find Henir. Look everywhere, Emily. She's tricky. Even look up in the trees. She's quite the climber.
EMILY
Yes, Doctor.
(Turns to go)
WALT
(Enters. In a wheelchair)
Where's Henri?
ALLAN
Gone.
WALT
Gone where?
ALLAN
Who knows?
WALT
Flown the coop, huh? I wish I could. But these old wings of mine don't work like they used to.
ALLAN
(Points to wheelchair)
Can't walk today?
WALT
Legs just gave out for some reason. It's fine though. I could think of much worse things than sitting all the time.
MEL
(Enters)
Where's Henri? She wasn't at breakfast.
ALLAN
He's gone.
WALT
Flown the coop. Free to see the world. Free to...
MEL
I heard you the first time, Uncle.
WALT
Well, you never know whether a person is listening or not.
MEL
I wish I hadn't been actually.
WALT
See, then it was worthwhile.
WALDO
(Enters)
Where's Henri?
ALLAN
(Sighs)
Gone.
WALDO
Gone where?
ALLAN
I don't know and I don't care.
(Exits angrily)
WALDO
I care.
WALT
And so do I.
MEL
I don't.
WALT
We must search for her! We must seek her! We must look beyond what we can’t see. What’s that eyeball of yours, Waldo?
MEL
Shut up!
WALT
(Looking at MEL)
I wish someone else was lost besides Henri.
MEL
What's that?
WALT
Nothing.
MEL
You insulted me didn't you?
WALT
It was just a little insult.
WALDO
Please calm yourselves. We have a dilemma on our hands.
WALT
Where could Henri have gone?
nbsp; WALDO
Far from civilization no doubt. To the woods. And the pond. She loves the pond.
WALDO
I know, but how did she get out?
WALT
Perhaps she grew wings and flew over the walls to freedom. We must grow wings too and hasten after her. Catch her before she is gone.
MEL
Why don't we just leave her alone? She clearly wants to be away from here.
WALDO
What if she is lost?
MEL
I'd rather be lost than be here.
WALDO
So ignorant.
MEL
You'd better watch it or you're going to wake up dead one day.
WALT
How can someone wake up when they're dead?
MEL
Shut up.
WALDO
Maybe we should tell Dr. Allan about the woods.
WALT
I'm sure he knows. He has the infinite wisdom of the sages.
WALDO
Then I guess all we can do is wait.
(WALT goes to the window sadly)
WALT
(Calling out window)
YAWP!
(Sadly listens, no answer)
Yawp!
(No answer)
Yawp!
MEL
He sounds like a drowned cat.
WALDO
He's just calling for Henri. It's Walt's nature cry.
WALT
Yawp!
MEL
Sounds like he's ill.
WALT
I am, Mel. Ill with loss. Ill without Henri. Ill beyond repair.
(To window)
Yawp!
MEL
He's driving me crazy.
WALDO
Be patient, Mel. It may do us some good.
MEL
Good?! What good is that? If Henri's run away she won't be back. At least I wouldn't come back if I were her.
WALDO
Well, you're not her.
MEL
Thank God.
WALDO
I didn't know you thanked God for anything.
MEL
Shut up.
(ALLAN enters)
Any news about Henri yet?
ALLAN
No, not yet.
WALDO
I didn't know you cared.
MEL
I don't. Leave me alone.
WALDO
Perhaps you aren't all bad, Mel. I may see a soft spot on you yet.
MEL
Let me know when you see it and I'll be sure to have it removed.
WALT
Yawp!
WALDO
Did you check the woods?
ALLAN
Emily looked there too.
WALDO
Where could she be?
WALT
Yawp!
MEL
(To ALLAN)
Could you shut him up please?
(ALLAN crosses to WALT and pats him on the
shoulder)
WALDO
So what do we do now?
ALLAN
How about game time?
WALDO
It’s not family game time without Henri.
MEL
I’m sick and tired of hearing about Henri.
WALDO
You got your wish.
MEL
What wish?
WALDO
You wished her gone. Now she is.
MEL
What is this? The blame game. Is that what we’re playing tonight?
ALLAN
The blame game would be fun. Would you like to play with us, Walt?
(WALT is at the window)
WALT
Open the window. Open the window so we can hear her.
EMILY
But there’s a storm outside.
WALT
What if Henri is crying for help and no one can hear.
EMILY
Perhaps we can open it a bit then.
WALT
Thank you, kind lady.
ALLAN
Do you want to play the game, Emily?
EMILY
I’m not sure I’m up for games.
ALLAN
But we all must play a game.
MEL
No one wants to play, Doctor.
ALLAN
But you always play my games. No one. Not even you, Waldo?
WALDO
Not without Henri.
WALT
Poor Henri. Out in the rain. She must be cold and afraid. Yawp!
(Thunder. The lights flicker. Flashes of lighting. WALDO is turned away)
WALDO
This is what you wanted. You wanted her gone. You wanted her dead.
ALLAN
Waldo… don’t be so hard on Mel.
WALDO
I’m not talking to Mel.
ALLAN
To who then?
WALDO
To you.
(WALDO confronts ALLAN)
ALLAN
What did I do?
WALDO
I’m not ignorant. I know what you’re doing to us. I know you’re playing with us, picking us apart, cutting open our heads and re-arranging our minds.
ALLAN
I’ve been trying to help you.
WALDO
But taking us apart and leaving us in pieces?
ALLAN
But with all the pieces I will make a whole.
WALDO
One whole or all? I don’t think we’ll all survive. I think you’ll pick us apart one by one and leave one survivor made from our spare parts. A creature with bits of us, but none of us will be what we were before.
ALLAN
You’ll all so much better than I found you. I’m the reason you still exist. You’re nothing without me.
WALT
Am I better? Am I complete? I am a god without feet. You’ve broken me. Left so little to see.
(ALLAN moves to MEL for protection)
ALLAN
Mel.
MEL
Don’t touch me.
ALLAN
But Mel…
MEL
Waldo’s right isn’t he? You are messing with us. Tearing us into pieces.
ALLAN
Emily. Please tell them. Tell them I’m helping.
(EMILY turns away)
MEL
You’ve got no one, Doctor. You’ve burned your bridges with us all. You’ve destroyed the connection between us.
ALLAN
Sometimes you must have destruction before you can rebuild. I needed to tear you down to your foundations so we could start all over again.
WALDO
Perhaps that wasn’t the best approach.
WALT
I am who I am. That is enough.
MEL
We can not live in pieces. We need all of us to be whole. We are all connected. But you slowly have been cutting the fibers of our family.
WALDO
Instead of looking at our pasts or thinking of the future you wanted, you should have considered who we are now. Stop destroying what we have. Let us be better and stop forcing us to follow the path you’ve made for us. Let us forge our own path to find our own way.
(WALT struggles to his feet and yells out window)
WALT
Find your way, Henri! Blaze your own trail!
(MEL moves toward ALLAN)
MEL
Take your Hellish heart and go.
(ALLAN gives one last look to EMILY but won’t look at him. ALLAN leaves defeated)
WALDO
What do we do now?
EMILY
I don’t know… but that’s okay. Maybe it’s better if we find our way together.
MEL
I’m sorry everyone. I’m sorry I hurt you.
(WALT turns with tears in his eyes)
WALT
I forgive you. I forgive you, Mel.
(WALT moves shakily toward her. MEL goes to him and helps him back into his chair)
MEL
Thank you, Uncle.
WALDO
The rain has stopped. I wonder if there will be a rainbow? The rain washes the world and gives us Spring. Then we can leave the darkness of winter and live in the sun again. Spring gives us new life. The Earth laughs in flowers.
EMILY
Beautifully said..
WALDO
I wish Henri were here.
(They split up again. MEL to her
ship. WALT to window. WALDO goes to the
sofa and hides his head with a pillow. During
a long silence, ALLAN enters with HENRI.
HENRI comes in with a hat full of
huckleberries. She sits on couch)
HENRI
Game show.
WALDO
Henri?!
WALT
She's back!
(WALDO, ALLAN, WALT, and EMILY all go to him)
ALLAN
Where have you been?
HENRI
(Holds up hat)
Huckleberries.
WALDO
He's been out picking huckleberries.
HENRI
Huckleberries.
EMILY
But you were gone so long, Henri.
HENRI
Get good ones. No bad.
WALDO
He's very choosy when it comes to huckleberries.
HENRI
(Hold out hat)
Eat.
EMILY
(Takes one)
Thank you, Henri. Yes, they are very good.
HENRI
Eat, eat, eat!
(WALDO takes two and hands one to WALT. ALLAN
takes one too. They eat)
Game show.
EMILY
Yes, you just made it.
HENRI
(To MEL)
Eat.
MEL
I hate huckleberries.
WALDO
Our show is starting, everyone sit down.
MEL
(Comes over)
All right. I'll eat one of your stupid huckleberries.
(HENRI gives him one. MEL is about to eat it, but
stops and inspects it)
What's this...it's a worm!
WALDO
Henri's huckleberries don't have worms.
MEL
This one does.
WALDO
I don't believe it.
MEL
Look.
(WALDO refuses, but ALLAN takes it and looks)
See.
ALLAN
Oh, well.
(Eats it)
MEL
Don't eat it.
ALLAN
Hey, that was kind of good.
WALDO
You are what you eat.
WALT
All is edible in nature.
MEL
It's still disgusting.
HENRI
(To MEL)
More?
MEL
Forget it.
(Everyone else takes more)
HENRI
(Points to TV)
Starting!
(Lights fade to black)
END OF PLAY
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