SUPER DEAD MAN

by D. M. Larson

(7 actors of any gender)

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CAST OF CHARACTERS (7 of any gender)

GEM - ordinary citizen

HANK - ordinary citizen

WINNY - old person who has her prize dog crushed by super dead man

SIDEKICK - stressed out sidekick of super dead man

OFFICER - police officer who finds supers annoying

MEZMERO - cool looking bad guy in a helmet

DAVID - smart kid who defeats Mezmero

Copyright (c) 2013

SUPER DEAD MAN

In darkness, a huge blast is hear and a cry of pain and then a huge crash like something hit the ground.  Lights come up on a small crater with a superhero lying in the middle of it.  People rush out to see.  A shocked lady is standing with half a leash next to the crater.

GEM

What in the holy high heck happened here?

HANK

Is that?

GEM

It is!

HANK

That super hero guy?  The one we keep hearing about in the news?

WiNNY

My... my...

She burst out crying.

GEM

Did he land on your dog?

WINNY

Uh-huh.

GEM

You poor thing.

WINNY

My... my Boopsie!

Gem hugs Winny.

HANK

He must have fallen down from pretty high to make this size crater.

GEM

I hear he's strong.  Maybe it's just cause he's strong that he made such a big hole.

WINNY

And crushed my Boopsie!

HANK

I wonder what he was doing up there?

Sidekick runs in.

SIDEKICK

No!!!!!

Sidekick dramatically falls at superhero's side.

GEM

Hey, you know what happened?

WINNY

Why did he fall on my doggy?  That was a registered Chow Chow.  She won prizes.  But not any more.

(Winny cries)

SIDEKICK

Have some respect lady?  This was the Earth's greatest hero!  Do you know how many times he saved this planet?

HANK

Nope... no clue. 

GEM

Can't recall.

SIDEKICK

You're kidding right?  You don't know about the aliens?

HANK

Aliens?  Really?

SIDEKICK

Or the asteroid?

GEM

Must have missed that on the news.

HANK

You watch the news? 

GEM

Entertainment Tonight... The Daily Show... Late Late Show... those count.

SIDEKICK

No!

HANK

I love the Late Late Show.

GEM

That skeleton is hilarious. 

HANK and GEM laugh, hold out their right arms and shake their right hands limply.

SIDEKICK

What is wrong with you people?!

WINNY

Can't you see we're upset?  Have you no respect?  It's not easy losing a pet, is it?

SIDEKICK

This wasn't a pet!  He was the best thing that ever happened to this planet... and now... he's...

HANK

Toast.

GEM

A hero pancake.

HANK

Hero speed bump.

SIDEKICK

Stop it!

GEM

Touchy touchy. 

WINNY

So you're affiliated with this person?

SIDEKICK

Yes.

WINNY

Then you will be hearing from my lawyer!

SIDEKICK

What?!

WINNY

Your associate killed my prize dog and now I demand justice.

SIDEKICK

Why do we even bother?  You people make me sick.  The one person who kept you safe from all the dangers in the universe and all you can worry about is your stupid dog!  And make jokes!  Why did he even bother saving you people.  You all deserve to die!

They all look at Sidekick in shock.  They are all quiet for a bit.  A police officer enters in a hurry.

WINNY

Thank goodness, officer.  You must arrest this person!

Officer points gun at Sidekick.

OFFICER

This the killer?

SIDEKICK

No!  I'm his sidekick. 

OFFICER

Sidekick?  What's that mean?  That slang for something.

GEM and HANK snicker.  Officer smiles like he made a good joke.

SIDEKICK

Come on!  This is serious!

WINNY

I would say so.  Officer... this person killed my dog.

OFFICER

What?  Is this true?

SIDEKICK

Isn't anyone worried about a mighty hero is dead here?

OFFICER

Not if he killed some dog, I'm not.  That's animal cruelty.

HANK

And hunting without a license.

GEM

Dog-a-cide!

SIDEKICK

No! No! No!  He's the good guy.  He saves people.

OFFICER

There's no excuse for animal abuse. 

SIDEKICK

I... what?!  No!

OFFICER

You part of this?

SIDEKICK

Me?

WINNY

That's his partner.

OFFICER

Partner in crime?

SIDEKICK

I can't believe this is happening.  You're all a bunch of stupid, idiotic imbeciles!

OFFICER

Who you calling stupid?

SIDEKICK

That's it!  I'm done being a hero!  I quit!

Sidekick rips off mask, throws it down on super person in crater and stomps away. 

WINNY

Aren't you going to arrest anyone?

OFFICER

I don't think I can cuff that one in the crater.  Not sure I see an arm left.

WINNY

What about the other one? 

OFFICER

I suppose I could.

WINNY

Quit supposing and do it!

OFFICER

Geez lady.  Fine.  I'm going.

Officer exits after Sidekick.

Evil laugh is heard. Mezmero enters in a cool looking villain uniform with a helmet covering his face. Darth Vader type breathing comes from his helmet. Hank and Gem are impressed.

HANK

Now that's impressive.

GEM

Totally.

MEZMERO

I know.

He flips open or removes his helmet and does an evil laugh again. Hank and Gem are so impressed they clap.

MEZMERO

Please... Control yourselves.

GEM

Sorry... You're just so...

MEZMERO

Handsome? Awesome? Amazing?

HANK

Cool!

MEZMERO

Of course.

Sidekick runs in a yells.

SIDEKICK

No! Not Mezmero! I should have known you were behind this!

GEM

Isn't he impressive?

SIDEKICK

He's pure evil!

MEZMERO

You say the sweetest things.

SIDEKICK

But good should win in the end. Evil can't win. That's impossible.

MEZMERO

Get used to it, kid. Can't you hear the winds of change?

Mezmero does a heroic stance and farts. Gem and Hank laugh.  Sidekick waves hand at the smell.

SIDEKICK

Evil!

Mezmero does an evil laugh.

Officer enters and Sidekick screams and runs away. Officer  chases.

GEM and hank go up to Mezmero.

GEM

Can we get a picture with you?

MEZMERO

Certainly.

They do silly poses with him.

HANK

Thanks! These will be awesome tweetface.

MEZMERO

Be sure to tag them with #mezmeroisevil that will link it to my fan club

GEM

Sure!

HANK

Bad guys are so cool.

Gem and hank exit. Mezmero stands over super dead man.

MEZMERO

I finally did it. I finally beat you. And all I had to do is NOT reveal my evil plan. Why do we villains always do that? Why do we have this strange need to tell you all our devious plots before we do them? That always gives you time for that last minute save... That last minute effort that gets you through... Or perhaps we reveal some flaw in our plan you are able to exploit. Not this time. This time it was kill first, gloat later. This is so much better. I get to brag now. Bragging is so much better than revealing the plan. Time for a victory dance on your grave!

Mezmero does a dance around super dead mans hole in the ground. A kid, DAVID, enters.

DAVID

Stop that!

Mezmero stops.

MEZMERO

What's wrong kid?

DAVID

Show some respect, creep.

MEZMERO

Beat it kid. I am having a moment. You're harshing my buzz.

DAVID

You are a bad bad person.

MEZMERO

Yes.

DAVID

And you killed a very great man.

MEZMERO

Great? A great pain in the asteroid.

DAVID

He was trying to help the world. You were trying to destroy it.

MEZMERO

Too late kid. No one cares. All they see is how amazing I am. It's all about appearances. No one remembers a old hero the minute something new cool and interesting comes along. He's yesterday's news... And tomorrow's garbage.

Mezmero laughs at his own joke.

DAVID

Stop that!

DAVID sprays something at Mezmero. Mezmero coughs.

MEZMERO

What was that?

DAVID

Pepper spray.

MEZMERO

No!

Mezmero cough... Has asthma.

MEZMERO

Where's my inhaler?

DAVID

Not so tough now huh?

MEZMERO

You... You...

DAVID

Yes?

MEZMERO

You're... Evil...

Mezmero dies and falls in to hole with super dead man.

DAVID

Never take off your helmet dude. Your only weakness. Everyone knows that. You all have a weakness don't you. Some fatal flaw. Super dead mans was a rare Amazon frog poison that every bad guy always seem to dig up. Yours was breathing... Yet you always take off your helmet... Talking is every bad man's weakness. The more super you are, the harder you fall.

Picks up Mezmero's helmet.

DAVID (CONT.)

Evil huh? Mezmero called me evil. Perhaps we are all a little evil... Battling the good inside us...which side of me won... Did I do the greater good? Does the end justify the means? Or was what I did just as evil?

Sidekick runs in.

SIDEKICK

You did it!  You stopped Mezmero!  Way to go kid!

DAVID

Beat it loser.

David puts on helmet and leaves.

SIDEKICK

Geez.  Who are you?  Emo-boy?  What's your power?  Are you sadder than a speeding bullet?  Able to depress people in a single bound?  You're like opposite that evil clown villain.  Hey, you could defeat him.  That's a great idea.  You should do battle.  Hey!  Don't you need a sidekick?

Sidekick follows David off.  Officer enters out of breath.  Tries to call out after Sidekick but bends over unable to speak.  Officer sits by the hole.  Finally can talk again after a bit.

OFFICER

What a mess.  That's the problem with you supers.  Always leaving a super mess for us to clean up.  Things were so much simpler before all you supers arrived.  Seems like when you're all fighting, things get a whole lot worse.  Would those villains really be messing so much up if they didn't have one of you super guys to beat?  Do you supers have to break so much to get the bad guy.  Good vs. evil used be about detecting stuff and solving the mystery.  Now it's about blowing things up and who can leave the biggest hole in the ground. Give me a few good police officers any day of the week.

END OF SCRIPT

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