UNICORNS
AND ALLEY CATS
A
Children's Play
For Two
Voices
by D. M.
Larson
Copyright 1989
All Rights Reserved*
Place and Time
An alley in the downtown of a large city in the present.
Cast of Characters
Dude:
A city loving alley cat who receives an odd visitor one rainy night.
Tink:
A unicorn that leaves her home in a world of untouched nature to experience the cities of men.
Note:
The actors may take on the characteristics of the animals to add to the effect. Cat movements and manners, the graceful unicorn, etc.
Scene 1
(Lights come up on an alley scene. The only
object on the set that is needed is a large box,
ULC. A garbage can, etc. can be added. DUDE, a
person made up to be a scraggly alley cat, is
resting happily upon the box. There are city
noises in the background along with the sound of a
gentle rain)
DUDE
Ah, rain.
(Smiling and stretching)
What a wonderful thing it is. So refreshing...
(Jumps down and splashes a puddle with his paw and
shakes it off)
...so fun.
(Jumps through another mud puddle)
I love puddles.
(Takes a deep breath and then coughs a little)
The smells of the city that the rain brings out are unequaled.
(Smiles and looks around)
I love the city.
(Calls out)
What would I do without you?!
(Yowls loudly. A window slams shut off R. Smiles
and chuckles)
Heh, heh. Ain't it great?
(Suddenly, the sounds of loud honking and cars
slamming on their brakes are heard from the street
off L. DUDE is startled and hops behind his box.
He peeks out from behind it just as a unicorn,
Tink, runs into the alley and stops RC, out of
breath and very scared)
TINK
(Panicked)
Oh, why did I ever come here? This is a perfectly awful place.
(Dude moves around L of box in awe at seeing a
unicorn)
It's smelly, rainy, and dirty. The people are so unkind. Everything is so big. I don't understand it at all. I'm so very frightened. I wanna go home.
DUDE
(From behind her)
You're a unicorn!
TINK
(Jumps and backs to R, scared)
Blaaah! What do you want?!
DUDE
Take it easy, sister. I've just never seen a unicorn before.
TINK
(Still scared and on guard)
I've never seen whatever you are before either.
DUDE
(Proudly)
I'm a cat. An alley cat to be exact.
(Picks up a newspaper off the ground and holds it
up)
I have the papers to prove it.
(TINK tries to smile)
They call me Dude.
TINK
Dude?
DUDE
Actually, my birth name is Sir Douglas Paramount, but all my friends nicknamed me Dude. Easier to say, I suppose. What's your name, my fine horned friend?
TINK
Tink. Tink of the Jagged Peaks.
DUDE
Impressive. So where is this Jagged Peaks place?
TINK
Hidden in a land far away. It's not at all like this place.
DUDE
Ah, yes. The city. You like it?
TINK
To be honest, not really.
DUDE
Then, why did you come here?
TINK
(Relaxing a little, looks around)
I'm not sure.
DUDE
I'm afraid I don't understand.
TINK
I really didn't want to come here, but all unicorns must when they reach a certain age.
DUDE
Why didn't you tell them to stuff it?
TINK
I couldn't do that.
DUDE
Why not? I do it all the time.
TINK
My parents wanted so badly for me to go. I couldn't disappoint them.
DUDE
The old parent syndrome, huh?
TINK
What?
DUDE
Parent's always make you feel awful whenever you do something they don't want you to. They don't say no, but they make you feel miserable if you don't.
TINK
Yeah.
DUDE
My parents never did that to me. They let me have my freedom.
(Smiles and looks around)
And look where I am, now.
TINK
(Looks around in hidden disgust)
Oh.
DUDE
It may not look like much, but I'm exactly where I want to be, doing what I want, and I'm happy.
TINK
I'm glad somebody is here.
DUDE
If it makes you so unhappy, why are you staying here? I'm sure your parents won't stop loving you if you go home.
TINK
It's not just because of my parents that I'm here. The unicorns all come here to learn about life and nature,
(Looks around)
and see what happens if we misuse it.
DUDE
That's depressing.
TINK
Coming here makes you appreciate your home much more and realize how wonderful it really is.
(Memories of home makes her sad)
DUDE
I know what ya' mean. I once got lost in a park. I was so happy to get back to my alley.
(Jumps up on his box and smiles)
Some cats like it in the park, though. Can't see why, but hey it's a free country.
TINK
It is?
DUDE
I guess it doesn't seem so free to you after being out in...uh...
TINK
Nature.
DUDE
(Like a game show host)
That's the word! Those wide open spaces make me dizzy and it's so darn quiet out there. I feel like I've gone deaf.
TINK
(Walks about and looks around)
Everything is so big and so close together in the city.
(Hugging herself)
I feel like I'm being crushed. And the noise...
(She shutters)
DUDE
(Going to her)
Take it easy, okay. It's not so bad once you get used to it. That's why those other cats go to the park; all the noise out here disturbs their sleep.
(Smiles)
I just join in.
(Yowls. A door slams)
Heh, heh. I love it.
(Sees unicorns unhappiness)
You unicorns are sorta like those park cats. If you have such a nice, quiet place to live, I have trouble seeing why you come here.
TINK
Some unicorns used to like it here long ago...
DUDE
(Surprised)
You're kidding, right?
TINK
Many came here before humans started leaving nature.
(Looking around)
But when humans started building stuff like this...
(Her mind wonders)
DUDE
They all went home. They don't know what they're missing.
TINK
Yes, they do. That's why they make us all come, to see what it's like.
DUDE
I don't see why they go back after seeing all this.
TINK
Some do stay. But not many.
DUDE
I haven't seen any.
TINK
They don't live in the city if they don't go home. They hide themselves in the mountains, out of the sight of humans.
DUDE
That doesn't make any sense. Aren't our mountains the same as yours?
TINK
No, but close. I think they stay to get away from the same old ordinary things that happen back home. They're the adventure seekers, always looking for something new. I'm not. I like the calmness of home.
DUDE
Sorry, but I'd be bored.
TINK
Nature is for creatures who are gentle and love those around them.
DUDE
The city is for those who like adventure.
(Hops on his box and leaps off)
TINK
Home is so peaceful.
DUDE
The city is exciting.
TINK
(Looking fearfully at the street off L)
I don't like exciting.
DUDE
(Kindly)
Then, go home.
TINK
I can't. I must stay awhile. But, it seems like forever.
DUDE
What would happen if you go back, now?
TINK
Nothing. But I feel that I have to stay for my parents and for myself. If I went home, I would feel like I had been defeated, like I'd failed.
(Looks down in defeat)
DUDE
(Goes to her. Gives her a chuck on the
shoulder)
Come on, don't feel that way. If the city's not for you, it's not for you. You have to do what's best for you and you alone.
TINK
The problem is, I don't know what's best for me.
DUDE
(Sympathetic)
I wish I could help. I really do.
TINK
No, it's up to me. I have to decide for myself and that's all there is to it.
DUDE
Good for you.
TINK
Huh?
DUDE
The decision is yours and yours alone. It's not mine, and it's not your parents'. You're the best one to know what's best and you realize it.
TINK
I still don't know what to do.
DUDE
While you're deciding, why don't you enjoy yourself a little.
TINK
(Not seeing anything enjoyable)
How?
DUDE
You could rummage through a garbage can...
(Pantomimes or actually has a garbage can on
stage)
...and find all kinds of fun stuff to play with. An old hat. A scarf. Some old gloves. Viola. A costume to act out any part.
(Acts out following)
You could play a beggar, a blind man, or a mobster.
(Shoots a gun)
Rat-tat-tat-tat.
TINK
I don't like garbage.
DUDE
(Flinging costume aside and jumping through
mud puddles)
Try jumping and splashing through puddles. It's great fun.
TINK
I'm wet enough, thank you.
DUDE
(Stops and think a moment)
There are all kinds of things to do in the city. You could sneak into a theatre and see a movie or a play.
TINK
I'm too big to sneak in.
DUDE
You could go down to the market and beg for fish.
TINK
(In distaste)
Fish?
DUDE
(Trying to think of something)
You could sneak into a mattress store and sleep away the afternoon...
(Chuckles)
...or at least until you're caught.
(Looks at her and sees she isn't responding)
No, I guess not.
(Thinks)
I know a great spot that overlooks the city.
TINK
I'm not into cityscapes.
DUDE
You can also watch the sunset.
TINK
(Smiles a little)
That kind of sounds nice.
DUDE
(Excited)
Yes! A breakthrough!
(TINK smiles)
There's always the park and the duck pond is fun.
TINK
The park might be a neat place.
DUDE
See. There's something.
TINK
(Sadly)
But, it's not home.
(DUDE sits in frustration and plops face down on
the ground)
I'm sorry. I'll try harder. I'm sure I can like it if I give it a chance.
DUDE
(Sits up)
No, no, no. It's okay. Not everyone has to like it.
TINK
I feel like I'm the only one that doesn't.
DUDE
Look at all the unicorns back home. They don't like it.
TINK
(Sadly)
Yeah.
DUDE
Not everyone was meant to like it here.
TINK
It seems like it.
DUDE
Well, they're not. I love cities. You love nature. Both are great, but not for both of us. Love what you have. It may not be there forever.
TINK
I have the city at the moment. Should I love it? Or should I love nature which I don't seem to have.
DUDE
Whoa. Hold on a minute. Don't make things more complicated than they are.
TINK
Sorry.
DUDE
Don't be sorry.
TINK
I'm sorry about a lot of things.
DUDE
Well, don't be. You already love nature, and you don't have to love the city while you're here.
TINK
I don't.
DUDE
No, of course not. But, if you feel you have to stay here, look for the good in it. Enjoy what's here. There's always the park...
TINK
(Smiles)
And the sunset.
DUDE
That's the spirit.
TINK
(Frowns)
I'd still rather be home.
DUDE
It's up to you whether you stay or not.
TINK
I'm sorry. I don't mean to tell you all my troubles.
DUDE
If it makes you feel better. Keep talkin'.
TINK
Thank you very much. I do feel better after talking to you.
DUDE
Good. I'm glad to be of service.
(Hops up on his box)
TINK
Will you stay and keep me company?
DUDE
(Throws his newfound scarf around his neck)
Can't. Gotta go.
TINK
What? You're leaving?
DUDE
Got places to go, trash cans to meet...
TINK
But, I'll be lonely again.
DUDE
(Goes to her. Kindly)
I really wish I could stay.
TINK
(Sadly)
I wish you could, too.
DUDE
I promise you I'll visit every chance I get.
TINK
Thank you.
DUDE
You bet.
TINK
I wish you could stay all the time, though.
DUDE
(Thoughtfully. Smiles)
Let me get back to you on that one. Maybe it would work out for this to be my main haunt.
TINK
(Happily)
That would be wonderful. I hope it works out.
DUDE
(Smiles)
Ya' know. I hope it does, too.
TINK
Having you here would make this place much more bearable.
DUDE
And maybe I might try your nature thing sometime, too.
(He starts to exit L)
TINK
Bye.
DUDE
See ya' soon.
(He exits L. Only the sounds of the city are
heard. TINK is alone. After watching DUDE go she
looks around sadly at the city. Then, she sees a
mud puddle in front of her)
TINK
Puddles.
(Playfully she splashes through them and skips
happily off R)
(Lights fade to black)
END OF PLAY
Or purchase a low cost PDF
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UNICORNS
AND ALLEY CATS
A
Children's Play
For Two
Voices
by D. M.
Larson
Copyright 1989
All Rights Reserved*
An alley in the downtown of a large city in the present.
Cast of Characters
Dude: A city loving alley cat who receives an odd visitor one rainy night.
Tink: A unicorn that leaves her home in a world of untouched nature to experience the cities of men.
Note: The actors may take on the characteristics of the animals to add to the effect. Cat movements and manners, the graceful unicorn, etc.
Scene 1
(Lights come up on an alley scene. The only object on the set that is needed is a large box, ULC. A garbage can, etc. can be added. DUDE, a person made up to be a scraggly alley cat, is resting happily upon the box. There are city noises in the background along with the sound of a gentle rain)
DUDE Ah, rain. (Smiling and stretching) What a wonderful thing it is. So refreshing... (Jumps down and splashes a puddle with his paw and shakes it off) ...so fun. (Jumps through another mud puddle) I love puddles. (Takes a deep breath and then coughs a little) The smells of the city that the rain brings out are unequaled. (Smiles and looks around) I love the city. (Calls out) What would I do without you?! (Yowls loudly. A window slams shut off R. Smiles and chuckles) Heh, heh. Ain't it great? (Suddenly, the sounds of loud honking and cars slamming on their brakes are heard from the street off L. DUDE is startled and hops behind his box. He peeks out from behind it just as a unicorn, Tink, runs into the alley and stops RC, out of breath and very scared)
TINK (Panicked) Oh, why did I ever come here? This is a perfectly awful place. (Dude moves around L of box in awe at seeing a unicorn) It's smelly, rainy, and dirty. The people are so unkind. Everything is so big. I don't understand it at all. I'm so very frightened. I wanna go home.
DUDE (From behind her) You're a unicorn!
TINK (Jumps and backs to R, scared) Blaaah! What do you want?!
DUDE Take it easy, sister. I've just never seen a unicorn before.
TINK (Still scared and on guard) I've never seen whatever you are before either.
DUDE (Proudly) I'm a cat. An alley cat to be exact. (Picks up a newspaper off the ground and holds it up) I have the papers to prove it. (TINK tries to smile) They call me Dude.
TINK Dude?
DUDE Actually, my birth name is Sir Douglas Paramount, but all my friends nicknamed me Dude. Easier to say, I suppose. What's your name, my fine horned friend?
TINK Tink. Tink of the Jagged Peaks.
DUDE Impressive. So where is this Jagged Peaks place?
TINK Hidden in a land far away. It's not at all like this place.
DUDE Ah, yes. The city. You like it?
TINK To be honest, not really.
DUDE Then, why did you come here?
TINK (Relaxing a little, looks around) I'm not sure.
DUDE I'm afraid I don't understand.
TINK I really didn't want to come here, but all unicorns must when they reach a certain age.
DUDE Why didn't you tell them to stuff it?
TINK I couldn't do that.
DUDE Why not? I do it all the time.
TINK My parents wanted so badly for me to go. I couldn't disappoint them.
DUDE The old parent syndrome, huh?
TINK What?
DUDE Parent's always make you feel awful whenever you do something they don't want you to. They don't say no, but they make you feel miserable if you don't.
TINK Yeah.
DUDE My parents never did that to me. They let me have my freedom. (Smiles and looks around) And look where I am, now.
TINK (Looks around in hidden disgust) Oh.
DUDE It may not look like much, but I'm exactly where I want to be, doing what I want, and I'm happy.
TINK I'm glad somebody is here. DUDE If it makes you so unhappy, why are you staying here? I'm sure your parents won't stop loving you if you go home.
TINK It's not just because of my parents that I'm here. The unicorns all come here to learn about life and nature, (Looks around) and see what happens if we misuse it.
DUDE That's depressing.
TINK Coming here makes you appreciate your home much more and realize how wonderful it really is. (Memories of home makes her sad)
DUDE I know what ya' mean. I once got lost in a park. I was so happy to get back to my alley. (Jumps up on his box and smiles) Some cats like it in the park, though. Can't see why, but hey it's a free country.
TINK It is?
DUDE I guess it doesn't seem so free to you after being out in...uh...
TINK Nature.
DUDE (Like a game show host) That's the word! Those wide open spaces make me dizzy and it's so darn quiet out there. I feel like I've gone deaf.
TINK (Walks about and looks around) Everything is so big and so close together in the city. (Hugging herself) I feel like I'm being crushed. And the noise... (She shutters)
DUDE (Going to her) Take it easy, okay. It's not so bad once you get used to it. That's why those other cats go to the park; all the noise out here disturbs their sleep. (Smiles) I just join in. (Yowls. A door slams) Heh, heh. I love it. (Sees unicorns unhappiness) You unicorns are sorta like those park cats. If you have such a nice, quiet place to live, I have trouble seeing why you come here.
TINK Some unicorns used to like it here long ago...
DUDE (Surprised) You're kidding, right?
TINK Many came here before humans started leaving nature. (Looking around) But when humans started building stuff like this... (Her mind wonders)
DUDE They all went home. They don't know what they're missing.
TINK Yes, they do. That's why they make us all come, to see what it's like.
DUDE I don't see why they go back after seeing all this.
TINK Some do stay. But not many.
DUDE I haven't seen any.
TINK They don't live in the city if they don't go home. They hide themselves in the mountains, out of the sight of humans.
DUDE That doesn't make any sense. Aren't our mountains the same as yours?
TINK No, but close. I think they stay to get away from the same old ordinary things that happen back home. They're the adventure seekers, always looking for something new. I'm not. I like the calmness of home.
DUDE Sorry, but I'd be bored.
TINK Nature is for creatures who are gentle and love those around them.
DUDE The city is for those who like adventure. (Hops on his box and leaps off)
TINK Home is so peaceful.
DUDE The city is exciting.
TINK (Looking fearfully at the street off L) I don't like exciting.
DUDE (Kindly) Then, go home.
TINK I can't. I must stay awhile. But, it seems like forever.
DUDE What would happen if you go back, now?
TINK Nothing. But I feel that I have to stay for my parents and for myself. If I went home, I would feel like I had been defeated, like I'd failed. (Looks down in defeat)
DUDE (Goes to her. Gives her a chuck on the shoulder) Come on, don't feel that way. If the city's not for you, it's not for you. You have to do what's best for you and you alone.
TINK The problem is, I don't know what's best for me.
DUDE (Sympathetic) I wish I could help. I really do.
TINK No, it's up to me. I have to decide for myself and that's all there is to it.
DUDE Good for you.
TINK Huh?
DUDE The decision is yours and yours alone. It's not mine, and it's not your parents'. You're the best one to know what's best and you realize it.
TINK I still don't know what to do.
DUDE While you're deciding, why don't you enjoy yourself a little.
TINK (Not seeing anything enjoyable) How?
DUDE You could rummage through a garbage can... (Pantomimes or actually has a garbage can on stage) ...and find all kinds of fun stuff to play with. An old hat. A scarf. Some old gloves. Viola. A costume to act out any part. (Acts out following) You could play a beggar, a blind man, or a mobster. (Shoots a gun) Rat-tat-tat-tat.
TINK I don't like garbage.
DUDE (Flinging costume aside and jumping through mud puddles) Try jumping and splashing through puddles. It's great fun.
TINK I'm wet enough, thank you.
DUDE (Stops and think a moment) There are all kinds of things to do in the city. You could sneak into a theatre and see a movie or a play.
TINK I'm too big to sneak in.
DUDE You could go down to the market and beg for fish.
TINK (In distaste) Fish?
DUDE (Trying to think of something) You could sneak into a mattress store and sleep away the afternoon... (Chuckles) ...or at least until you're caught. (Looks at her and sees she isn't responding) No, I guess not. (Thinks) I know a great spot that overlooks the city.
TINK I'm not into cityscapes.
DUDE You can also watch the sunset.
TINK (Smiles a little) That kind of sounds nice.
DUDE (Excited) Yes! A breakthrough! (TINK smiles) There's always the park and the duck pond is fun.
TINK The park might be a neat place.
DUDE See. There's something.
TINK (Sadly) But, it's not home. (DUDE sits in frustration and plops face down on the ground) I'm sorry. I'll try harder. I'm sure I can like it if I give it a chance.
DUDE (Sits up) No, no, no. It's okay. Not everyone has to like it.
TINK I feel like I'm the only one that doesn't.
DUDE Look at all the unicorns back home. They don't like it.
TINK (Sadly) Yeah.
DUDE Not everyone was meant to like it here.
TINK It seems like it.
DUDE Well, they're not. I love cities. You love nature. Both are great, but not for both of us. Love what you have. It may not be there forever.
TINK I have the city at the moment. Should I love it? Or should I love nature which I don't seem to have.
DUDE Whoa. Hold on a minute. Don't make things more complicated than they are.
TINK Sorry.
DUDE Don't be sorry.
TINK I'm sorry about a lot of things.
DUDE Well, don't be. You already love nature, and you don't have to love the city while you're here.
TINK I don't.
DUDE No, of course not. But, if you feel you have to stay here, look for the good in it. Enjoy what's here. There's always the park...
TINK (Smiles) And the sunset.
DUDE That's the spirit.
TINK (Frowns) I'd still rather be home.
DUDE It's up to you whether you stay or not.
TINK I'm sorry. I don't mean to tell you all my troubles.
DUDE If it makes you feel better. Keep talkin'.
TINK Thank you very much. I do feel better after talking to you.
DUDE Good. I'm glad to be of service. (Hops up on his box)
TINK Will you stay and keep me company?
DUDE (Throws his newfound scarf around his neck) Can't. Gotta go.
TINK What? You're leaving?
DUDE Got places to go, trash cans to meet...
TINK But, I'll be lonely again.
DUDE (Goes to her. Kindly) I really wish I could stay.
TINK (Sadly) I wish you could, too.
DUDE I promise you I'll visit every chance I get.
TINK Thank you.
DUDE You bet.
TINK I wish you could stay all the time, though.
DUDE (Thoughtfully. Smiles) Let me get back to you on that one. Maybe it would work out for this to be my main haunt.
TINK (Happily) That would be wonderful. I hope it works out.
DUDE (Smiles) Ya' know. I hope it does, too.
TINK Having you here would make this place much more bearable.
DUDE And maybe I might try your nature thing sometime, too.
(He starts to exit L)
TINK Bye.
DUDE See ya' soon.
(He exits L. Only the sounds of the city are heard. TINK is alone. After watching DUDE go she looks around sadly at the city. Then, she sees a mud puddle in front of her)
TINK Puddles.
(Playfully she splashes through them and skips happily off R)
(Lights fade to black)
END OF PLAY
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